Desperation

She was desperate and turned tricks to feed her children and survive
On her back is the only skill she had mastered
Her father’s years of abuse had numbed her and she no longer felt alive
She married young to escape which as well ended in disaster
Suffered years of beatings, black eyes and broken bones
Until she got tired of being sick and tired
Unable to love another she remained alone
Using the only experiences she acquired
The ability to please men, she knew exactly what turned them on
They were easy to coax for what she wanted and needed
Her beauty and loving personality men were instantly drawn
Sincerity in her eyes would mislead
Until there was this one man she tried her best not to love
Pushed him away while he offered her the world along with his heart
But the feelings she felt she tried her best to dispose of
When he finally gave up she fell apart
Trying to give his love to another
But it was not who wanted her heart longed for
As well as every other
True feelings she continued to ignore
Spent her nights crying herself to sleep
Trying to push past the pain she felt
Horrors in her mind replayed on repeat
Denial made it impossible to get past the hands that were dealt
Lost in her thoughts
In her memories she remains trapped and consumed
Allowing them to haunt
She smiled so brightly that happiness was assumed
After years passed, he returned on bended knee
Her world seemed to radiate
But loving herself would finally set her free
And her pain would slowly eliminate

Frustrated

I don’t even watch the news anymore, tired of the sadness and senseless acts demonstrated
Then we have social media that is full of gossip and rumors with truths inflated
Wanna be gangsta’s sitting behind the computer keyboard thuggin
Attention seeking half naked women, dick tugging
Wondering why they only get approached by losers but asking where the real men are at
Ego’s take over and shit talking interludes but still scared to stand up and throw fists
Instead picking up a gun when they get offended and feel dissed
Murdering and robbing one another, thinking they have the right to take lives with their hands
Taking control and disregarding God’s plans
There is no longer any regard for human life
Women giving it up so easy no longer interested in the role of wife
Baby daddies not even attempting to find a job to help pay for the kids they chose to create
Leaving the single mothers to carry all of the weight
Real fathers being denied visitation
Even when they step up without hesitation
Baby momma’s using their kids as pawns
Self respect now days is dead and gone
Young boys out here with their ass hanging out all the while jean shopping in the women’s section
Facial tattoo’s and lip piercings with no ambitions or direction
Truths are lost and caught up in unforgiving lies
Rappers speaking nonsense while kids wrongfully idolize
Radio says it’s ok to disrespect women and words no longer need content as long as the beat sounds good
Keeping it real is bullshit and goes against our ancestors lessons, realities misunderstood
Young parents out here partying every night, leaving their children to raise themselves
Helping one another is almost obsolete, only truly caring about ourselves
Married and committed men never satisfied out here searching for that side piece of ass
Disrespecting and treating her as if she has no self worth or class
Working hard is out the door while women are fucking their way to the top
And for a petty warrant, they think it’s smarter to shoot at the cops for a routine traffic stop
Kids out here forgetting the value of education, instead they are smoking weed and sexing
Parents not even interested in their kids’ lives, too busy posting stats on facebook and sending naked pictures, calling it love texting
Working hard every day just to pay bills and it’s still not enough to get by
Assholes’ thinking it’s ok to beat her at his will and leave her with a broken heart and black eye
Real friends no longer exist because they are too busy worrying about how you can benefit them when they need
Too quick to leave you out in the cold and step right over you in the name of greed
People no longer know the meaning of loving unconditionally
Morals and values are no longer traditional
Parents too lazy to cook healthy meals not realizing McDonalds and XBOX is the reason their kids are over weight
I could go on and on but in the end, society’s lack of human interest will still leave me frustrated

Lost

Just to hear you open the door, my teeth would cringe
Each time you came back from your binge
The entire week you left me to fend for myself, not giving a shit
Your problem, you would never admit
So yea, I was beyond pissed
For that drug, I was totally dismissed
Got all up in your face
Angry and throwing punches all over the place
Until you picked me up and flung me across the room
Accusations of cheating you assumed
Your guilty conscious was taking over and distorting
From all that powder your nose was snorting
You raised your hand
My eye was where your fist would land
Knocking me back into the mirror, glass shattering in pieces
My girls witness in horror, their screaming increases
Please leave mommy alone, I hear
Just wanting to crawl into a hole and disappear
Not knowing how to approach them, not knowing what to say
Still embarrassed, in shock and feelings in disbelief and disarray
You run again, to your drug in shame
When your actions, you’re the only one to blame
How did we get to this point
I ran for His word to anoint
While you allowed yourself to be overtaken
Taking a life that could have been mine, His word forsaken
Where was this man I committed my life to
I was lost with nowhere to turn, having no clue what to do
Went into months of dark depression
Years of self destruction as an obsession
My soul mate took my soul
We were now lost, without restraint or self control



.

Just a memory...

You started something you were unable to finish
Now my thirst has ran dry unable to be replenished
Empty promises now null and void
My phone calls and texts you started to avoid
You vowed that your arms would catch me if I fell
My bruised heart has a different story to tell
Left alone without a coat in winters brisk cold
What was a perfect love story now remains untold
I unselfishly gave you the key to my heart
While you were racing to the finish line my feelings were stuck at the start
If you weren't ready, why did you allow me to love you
With prior warning you retreated leaving heartbreak to ensue
You claimed you just needed to step back for a moment but still at a distance false hopes compiled
Time has passed us by and we are still lingering in feelings of denial
Knowing what we had was real and worthwhile
My face now displays a reversed smile
We didn't know how to get past disagreements while we were still just learning one another
I know my feelings got overwhelming and started to smother
But I couldn't help falling for you, our connection was strong and intense
From day one we clicked even though we knew it didn't make sense
Since we hardly knew each other but the feelings were undeniably real
Caught up too soon scared away the feelings we still feel
I had to honor and respect your choice
But I still crave the sound of your voice
Every moment of every day I try to push past the urge to pick up the phone
Instead I lay in my bed hugging myself hurt and alone
I still smell and taste you but you in my vision my eyes no longer see
Tears stream from my eyes remembering what was but is now just a memory

Fallen

The walls are closing in as my sky suddenly falls
Darkness overcrowds as my vision blurs and clouds
Fighting away the webs that entrap, all the while my mind recaps
The memories that just won’t go away, tortures rewind and replay
An aurora of light storms enter my world and my mood conforms
My spirit in sadness taints the scene with each brush stroke my heart paints
Tears within bleed red, while the smile displayed is misread
Blood flow rushes straight to my head; losing my balance as the ground I imbed
Locked deep within my pain, trapped in the fetal position leaving pillow stains
Blocking out everyone around, while only silent cries defy sound
Rejecting love and concern, ducking at every turn
Feeling unworthy as I alienate, devouring suffering resonates
Consuming and overpowering heartaches, wanting to sleep and never again awake