Confusion

Confusion invades and brings me doubt

Shedding light on everything I am unclear about

Causing me to be indecisive

As well as apprehensive

I want to learn to trust my heart

And finish what I start

Maybe I am more “in love” with being loved

And scared to live life feeling unloved

Still learning how to love and give my all

With confidence to stand tall

Instead of pulling people in, just to run away

Allowing my heart to be easily led astray

Knowing I need to let go

And take things slow

In order to make better decisions

To see beyond my line of vision

Just when I think I am healed

Someone comes from left field

Making my heart skip a beat

Forgiving me for my deceit

But I am still unsure

If I am strong enough to endure

Every time I try to move on

My attention is drawn

For a love that still pulsates my being

While doubts have my heart disagreeing

Not sure which way to turn

To receive the love I yearn

Trying to see clearly through this delusion

And break free from this state of confusion


Hello All! WHY of WHY does his voice STILL make my heart skip a beat? The second I attempt to move you, he is right there...Why does he have such a hold on my heart? That I just cant break free of...

Earthquake + Hurricane/Tropical Storm

Good Morning All! Things have been quite crazy in MD this week, hince me not posting. First of all Tuesday around 2pm while sitting at my desk the entire building started to shake. Mind you I am in a really old wooden bldg that should be condemed already...Its so bad that there are areas in the hall that we avoid so we wont fall through on a normal...so our building shook way harder than a normal brick building would have. And I have never felt that feeling ever before. We arent used to that on the East Coast at ALL...Almost makes me never want to even travel to Cali. Scared the mess out of me forreal, esp not even knowing what the heck it was. I am still a little shaken but have a poem brewing from that expereince...Still pissed I sat in 3 hours of traffic that day because of people in a panic.

Now, Saturday evening we are looking out for Hurricane Irene that is supposed to gives us a tropical storm and flash floods. So, this has just been a very scary week all together.

I hope that everyone has a great weekend, be safe and blessed!

Eyes Wide Open

Clarity in my vision

Clear and concise decisions

Knowing exactly what I want and need

From lessons learned, I now heed

Voice of reasoning in my ears

No need to front, everything is as it appears

Taking control of my destiny

My worth has endless density

To your words and actions, I listen

Everything I need to know, is given

Smarter with my choices

Adhering to the inner voices

Recognizing ill intentions from the door

Knowing I deserve more

My future has already been chosen

Eyes wide open

Good Morning All! This is how I am feeling this morning...Tired of the bs...Flipping the page...

Hearts Align

Your touch absorbed within

Soaked in the depths of my skin

Your kisses make my heart smile

Making each second worthwhile

Your voice calms my mood

My spirit relaxed and subdued

Your hugs are warming and secure

Sublime moments always allure

Your scent awakens my senses

Natural emotion dispenses

Your eyes reflect truth and sincerity

Ensuing doubtless clarity

Feelings felt, I can no longer deny

Your love leaves me high

Your lips form poetry to my ears

While drying my tears

As our hands intertwine

Our hearts perfectly align

Good Monday Morning! I am feeling a lil sexy this morning :)

Through the Fire

I have been through the fire

Made plans from this earth to expire

I experienced homelessness, rape(s), and molestations

That attempted to crack my foundation

But what my father did hurt worse than any other

I went through two divorces and battled lifelong depression

But in the end, I have learned more than one lesson

I got off track but found my way back

Gaining the strength I lacked

My daughters gave me my motivation

But God’s Word prevented total desolation

And gave me back the fight and faith I required

To survive through the fire

Good Morning All! This one came from the heart...

Moments

Hold me tight and secure

And with your eyes allure

Your sincerity that is within

And the sexiness in your grin

Smiling from the inside out

Not falling victim to doubt

Enjoying now without expectations

Releasing any limitations

Open and allowing a natural flow

No explanations to owe

Cherishing each moment spent

Comfortably and content

Good Morning All! So many people put too many expectations on things...This reflects just allowing things to happen naturally, and whatever happens...happens...This is something I have had to work on over the years myself...So its a lot more fun just chilling out...and accepting whatever comes...

Heartache

The yearning and aching

My heart continuously re-breaking

At the thought of my actions

My moment of distraction

Succumbing to weakness

Not appreciating your uniqueness

As the keeper of my heart

I know It’s my fault that we are apart

And that nothing can take back what’s done

But this heartache I can’t seem to outrun

This longing within my soul

That only your love can console

Good Morning ALL! I just recently talked to my ex boyfriend (Navy) and he has been reminding me of how badly I hurt him...Which is so hard to hear...My heart breaks at the thought of him hurting...He is obviously still feeling it...But yet, at the same time he misses me...and cant stop loving me...After I hurt him over and over and over (Which he NEVER deserved) how could he STILL have love for me? Why does he not hate me? I was insecure, and couldnt wait for my Navy man...So this poem reflects the heartache from all that I have done...that I cannot take back...

Irresistible

Irresistible

Not a moment goes by

That my body doesn't crave

The way our tongues tie

Tasting each second memory saved

Soft kisses on my neck and lips

I cant even pretend to resist

Pure love sips

Drunken passion twisted

Tingling sensation

Floating high

Loves creation

Nothing denied

Everything kissable

Ecstasy irresistible

Hello ALL! I am posting this because maybe I kinda miss this feeling...I am feeling sexy, but dont have the person to feel this way about...But thats totally cool with me! I am enjoying the "now"...There is someone...but I am def taking my time to get to this level...He doesnt even know all the barriers that have to be broken to get to my heart...

Projection

Projection

Forming a plan to devise

A smooth lateral transition

My strategies I will advise

To accomplish the target mission

My capabilities will go above and beyond

Anything ever expected

Forming lasting relationships as I correspond

Honored to be the one selected

Now it’s my time to shine and uplift

To demonstrate perfection

My decisions will charge each shift

Time to share my ideas and projections

Good Morning All! I tried to write this morning but nothing seemed to form for me...My thoughts are scattered...I am reposting this because this is where my mind is...Focused on what all I have to do...I am posting as a reminder for me to get my focus back...

Releasing

Releasing my heart

Of anything that doesn’t fit

Into the visions I have planned

Releasing feelings and hurt

To love and accept

The good and bad

Releasing words from my mouth

With only truth and sincerity

No longer biting my tongue

Releasing negativity and drama

Not feeding into nonsense

Because I am a lady in every sense

Releasing anyone who doesn’t deserve

To receive all the love inside me

I am worthy of cherishing

Releasing to set free

All that is not for me

Weights lifted, rejoicing in release

Good Morning All! This is sort of a rant...Last night I did some releasing...I honestly told him the details of me moving on, eventhough it hurt him to the core...I had to be straight up, because there was nothing he could say or do to make my feelings towards him change...Now I feel like a dead weight has been lifted off of my chest and out of my life...Now I am looking toward a bright future...Heading back in the direction I am destine for...

Love Lost

After your deception I am unable to trust

My heart is not forgiving of the unjust
My barriers have now been raised

And any effort to repair goes unfazed

Once those lines have been crossed

I can’t regain what has been lost

Anything else now will be time wasted

Love can never again be tasted

Good Morning All! I wrote this just to post on facebook to let someone know just how I feel lol...I give a fair chance...I tried to show with my actions but he still isnt getting the hint...I have already moved on ;) and no longer chose to pretend...

Reminisce

With closed eyes my visions are clear

Almost like a dream he appears

Holding me tight and whispering in my ear

Truths in his eyes give me comfort that he is sincere

Hesitations and doubt quickly dismiss

Feeling the passion with each kiss

Creating the depth of an oceanic abyss

On times yet to be shared in my mind I reminisce

Good Morning All! I had no idea what to write until a text gave me this inspiration :)

PS: Anyone who has a blog that I have to log into, I am unable to comment. But this doesnt mean that I am not reading...Do people really get that much spam on here that they need someone to log in just to comment :(

Curiosity

I must admit I am intrigued to know more

Than the exterior décor

Physical attraction initially caught our attention

Curious to discover each level of your dimension

Enjoying the current conversation exchange

Looking forward to plans being arranged

And time spent getting to know

How deep our friendship is able to go

Feeling vibes brought by mutual sensuosity

I am intrigued with strong curiosity

Good Morning All! This write was a little forced today. It is how I am feeling right at this very moment about a certain someone...But since there arent really many feelings attached in the begining of getting to know a person, it was hard for me to relay the vibes that are flowing within me. I dont want to make any assumptions about anyone or even get hopes up. I like to take my time and enjoy day by day and whatever happens, happens naturally...

Despite

We rise up just to fall back down

Daily trying our best not to drown

Having that one that’s by your side

Holding you tight through this roller coaster ride

When life knocks you from every angle thought of

Providing strength and joy only given through His love

Makes every second of every day worth the fight

Finding true peace and happiness despite

Good Morning All!  I just wanted to remind everyone, that despite it ALL...He will carry you when you cannot walk...I wanted to do a sensual, sexy piece today because that is kinda how I am feeling...But these words spilled through my pen...So an inspirational day it is :) enjoy!

Ok, I did a quick name change of this blog...I got tired of "Inside Jstar's Head" because its not technically true...My words are not even a thought...They flow directly from my heart onto paper...With no reason or rhyme at times...or even understanding...So until I come up with something catchy...Poetically Jstar it is :)

Passion

Your kisses melt me into a liquidation form

To your body I conform

Our hearts beating in sync

From lustful passion we drink

Ok, I know this is really short...but its kinda all I wanted to say...You know that kiss, that words just cant describe...This is what I am talkin about...