Next to me

Written by JStar featuring Starchasr Shai Carter

Each morning I glance over to the empty pillow next to me
The imprints of you in my bed where you once laid
Missing the rays of sunshine in your eyes
Longing for you’re good morning greetings
Still tasting your kisses on my lips
Feeling your chest beneath my head
Impatiently anticipating your next visit
I thoroughly enjoy each second invested…in us
I see futures reflected, hoping this is more than a dream
Feelings of happiness never before felt
You have been there without hesitation when I needed most
Your voice calms my mood…and brings peace to my spirit
As if you are right here…next to me

And I promised I would never leave...without you I can't breathe... Without embrace your lips and diving in our eyes...the star cry as I forget to believe. That I cheated fate finding you...found everything divine in you...live once

and died thousand times for you...
With my world pulsating,
And my mind vibrating,
my thoughts taint the grounds
whenever I'm not around you.
Your voice bent the night. Listening to your starry plea,... the world cease to exist when I reach for you,...as I attempt to break the axis bringing you back next me...

Your words comfort me…and remind me that you are still near

Even though you are physically miles away
Day by day feelings growing in intensity…and I miss you more and more
Yearning for your touch and embrace
Your warmth warming my soul
Knowing this day will be soon…my heart palpitates
Beating to your rhythm
Enticed by our daily conversations
Every second I can’t hear your voice…ringing bells in my ear
I feel my heart in the pit of my stomach…gasping for air
I just can’t go another day…wanting to jump on the next plane
Just to have you in my sight…
Visions of you entrance my mind
As your words encase my heart...
And makes me feel as if you are right here
Standing by my side…next to me

My fingers are swallowed in the night
as I attempt to grasp a star.
Kissing the notes of your melody
entrancing me from afar...
and when I can't hear your voice
in the winds newborn noise.

I fall from grace
my night is scarred.... You define enchantment, embracing a hopeless romantic,....
throwing the star you stand on in the void of night,...
and it rained meteors as I glanced back at it,.
I suck in your tears,
I inhale your cries
Shelter your mind from harsh glares.
You’re the answer to the question why.
When you look out the window.
With Falcon's eyes
Tasting the dawn
Feeling me inside
Life is just around the corner...
Take your steps in stride. The Northern Star dew south...
next to you,..I’m alive....

Just asking why-voice record

Just Asking Why by Poetically JStar on SoundCloud

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Speak to me-voice record

Speak To Me by Poetically JStar on SoundCloud

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Speak to me

Speak to me
Tell me everything about you
Speak to me
Tell me all of your dreams
Speak to me
Tell me all of your secrets
Speak to me
Tell me your fears
Speak to me
Tell me your deepest regrets
Speak to me
Tell me each and every thought
Speak to me
Tell me every detail of your past
Speak to me
Tell me all you want in your future
Speak to me
Tell me all of your fantasies
Speak to me
Tell me how your day was
Speak to me
Tell me about all of your disappointments
Speak to me
Tell me all that you want and expect
Speak to me
Tell me something you have never told another
Speak to me
Tell me your hearts desires
Speak to me
Tell me how you feel
Speak to me
Tell me how you miss me
Speak to me
Tell me how I make you feel inside
Speak to me
Tell me how to love you
Speak to me
Tell me all of you
Speak to me...

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Just Asking Why

I just want to ask why
Why do you care so much
The side remarks and dirty looks are uncalled for
The last time I checked
It was my choice of who I want to be with
My choice of who I want to love
I just want to ask why
Does this affect you
He chose to be with me
He chose to love me
You fit nowhere in this equation
Therefore your opinion does not really matter
Who cares that there is a race difference
We obviously don’t
We are together
Because of how we feel about each other
Because we love one another
For whom we are
Everything we are
Race is not a barrier in our world
We can see beyond those limitations
Keep your narrow minded opinion
To yourself, please
I just want to ask why
Our love makes you so angry
I was always taught to love
A person for who they are
And not the color of their skin
Or any other prejudices
Why do you feel so much rage
What does it matter to you
I just want to ask why

Me in You-voice record

Me In You by Poetically JStar on SoundCloud

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Me in You

Entangle me in your inner thoughts
Share your deepest secrets
Trust me with your heart
Sprinkle me with your caress
Finesse me in your pursuit
Wrap me in the security of your arms
Kiss my tears
Remove any fear
Encase me within your depths
Allow our heart beats to sync
Taste my love
From my soul unselfishly drink
Swim in my seas
Electrify my emotions
Tickle my touch
Embrace my clutch
Tantalize each of my senses
Make sweet love to me
Mind and body
Explore all of me
As I you
Entrust me within
Close your eyes
And feel my pressence
Enjoy the me in you

 

Holding onto…your voice

Jumping for my phone with each ring
A sigh of relief my heart releases
As the sound of your voice I cling
Palpitations increase
Your breaths sing lullabies in my ear
From my eyes a tear escapes
Wishing you were near
Shadowing sadness drapes
Clutching faded images remembering
Your reassurance calms
My worries and doubts dismembering
Yearning for the connection of our palms
I am missing your kiss tasting my lips
Your touch feathering my skin
The way your hands caress my hips
Expressing my longing through my pen
Looking forward to the next time
I am awakened to your face
Anticipation day by day climbs
For your warming greeting within my space
Our hearts traveled miles
Distance invades
Your voice brings inner smiles
Contentedness persuades
And rests my fears at ease
Memories tightly clung
Each conversation breaths a tease
Holding onto each syllable that drips from your tongue

One day at a time…

Pain churning in the pit of my stomach
Feeling your uncried tears brush my lips
Wanting take your disappointments away
But you put a distance in between
I feel like one step back has been taken
But yet I still feel you holding on in the distance
Unsure and now questioning
Pushing away dealing alone
Wanting to reassure
But standing back
Trying not to overwhelm
But I refuse to let you give up just yet
I will give you a short space to breathe
All the while letting you know that I am still here
My feelings are real and true
I see potential in us
Foreseen my future in your eyes
Felt that connection
The first time you parted your lips
But I will take things at your speed
Never giving up
Never letting you go
Instead I comfort smoothly
Proving the sincerity residing inside
Not wanting to rush a thing
Showing restraint in my pursuit
Taking it moment by moment and one day at a time



.

A Better Me

I have lived, loved and lost
For my mistakes I paid the highest cost
Learned from each and every situation
Released all my past pains and frustrations
Taken the time I needed to heal
No longer allowing my love to be concealed
No longer allowing my past to hold me back
My life is finally back on the right track
Allowing myself to feel things previously unfelt
My emotions checked and feelings dealt
No longer jumping the gun, learning to relax
Knowing my reaction to others impacts
Releasing the pressures of expectations
Taking others feelings into consideration
Free of drama and my mind is at peace
Each part of me, is a complete puzzle piece
Living each day to its fullest potential
True inner happiness is essential
Taking each day given as a blessing
Each step I take outcomes constantly assessing
I am no longer held back or scared
My heart is pure and ready to be shared
I am ready to be all that I can possibly be
I am ready to share the true me
For direction I pray on bended knee
I am now a better me

Lonely

You never gave me a chance to again fall in love with you
Excuse after excuse and all the lies you construed

I gave you decades to get it right
But you slept with my best friend that night

And after time passed I allowed you back into my life
With false promises of making me your wife

But I wasnt worth your time
I felt like just a lover scheduled part-time

I was supposed to be yours
The one you loved and adored

But your life you didnt allow me to be a part of
Affection and time there was a lack thereof

I waited patiently month after month to no avail
You didnt know how to be my man and all that entailed

You pretended to care
But didnt have my back when you should have been there

I was supposed to be your one and only
But I mines well be single since nightly I was home alone tired of being lonely

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Got Away

I loved you but didnt want to admit it until it was too late
I was scared to love you, terrified to allow my heart to dictate

I did everything to push you away
While you did everything to make me want to stay

I was scared to trust just to get hurt again
I refused to let your love completely in

Time and time again you took me back
But our foundation I cracked

I used distance and your career as an excuse
Your heart I didnt mean to bruise

Because I did love you, I just didnt know how to love
And all my fears rise above

Our history was a learning lesson for me
I learned to again take that chance instead of being love's flee

I had to let you go because my welcome was overstayed
But you will always be, that good man that got away...

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Confide

Time with you makes me feel like the world outside is standing still
My feelings are like a stream constantly flowing uphill
With you, I want to take a chance and allow true feelings to grow
With our hearts reaching the peeks of the highest plateau
I am not looking for a perfect fairytale
I want to take our time to figure out each and every detail
Reality is that everything in life doesnt always run smoothe
But together any opposing force can be soothed
I am not looking to rush a single moment given
I'd rather relish and progress these feelings as we live in
I do know the difference between love and lust
But with you, my heart I entrust
I cant shake these feelings that I feel
And I cant honestly ever conceal
Tomorrow I am looking forward to
Being a major part of my life, I chose you
Eventhough we have no clue what the future holds
I am eager to be a part as the story unfolds
I want to follow this journey to see where it leads
Without any untruths or misleads
I want to be open with you and bare my soul
As hand in hand along this path we stroll
I know it will take time for us to completely know each other
But lets take this time to grow in love with one another
I do already know its only you that I want by my side
And with you, my inner feelings I am comfortable to truthfully confide

 

Confession

As I sleep, I am comforted by the warmth of his body next to mine
Cradling me in the security of his arms, the only place I want to be
Feeling the sensation of his breaths gracing my face, wanting to stop the clocks of time
Opening my eyes to discover him watching me
Inspiring an instant smile felt deep within
Captured by the love displayed through the depths of his eyes
Embracing his kisses on every inch of my skin
Feeling like I am floating above the clouds high in the skies

Never wanting him to leave my side
Making me a believer that true love does exist
Riding the waves of this high tide
With him, a forever I enlist
Crying tears of joy, pinching myself to make sure he is not just a dream
He is everything I have ever wanted in a man
Whiping away my tears that stream
Praying that we are a part of our Fathers divine plan

Enjoying every moment of him and I...becoming we
Encompassing the grips of our joining hands
Grasping tight to our hearts silent plea
Making plans together of future expands
Holding onto each second of time spent
But taking our time allowing a natural progression
A love like this is Heaven sent
Every word expressed here is my hearts truthful confession

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Fallen Stars Debut

I thank your father for planting the seed and your mother for giving birth
And thanks to the days of your first breaths and cries as you graced your presence on this earth

Always looking up and chasing the stars that lead your mind astray
Growing from joys, pains and life experiences into the man you are today

Learning the cruel lessons of this world yet discovering how to disengage
And the words that flow from your veins so gracefully onto the page

I thank you for the visions and glimpses only seen through your eyes
The pictures you paint carry and deliver an untimley apprise

I am thankful for God allowing us to cross paths and the strengths of the forces that bind us
The values and morals internally you were taught in one way or another to posses

I thank you for being true to self and at all times just being you
And since "life is just around the corner", I am thankful for a fallen stars debut

 

To you I bare

I am falling but secure your arms are below to catch me and hold tight
Feeling an inner glow, allowing me to bask in your direct sunlight

Kissing my heart in ways never before kissed
Realizing what all a I have missed

Providing me a comfort level that is unexplainable
Emotions from my soul overflowing and unrestrainable

Making me want to give you all of me, promising to be faithful and true
Satisfying each need and desire, in every way completely spoiling you

Thinking of new ways each day to make you smile
Going above and beyond constantly reaching for that extra mile

Missing you every moment that your not by my side
With you every dream, secret and mistake I confide

Seeing great potential in a brighter tomorrow
Forgetting past pains which left sorrow

Looking forward to building something beyond real with you
A true love that is long overdue

I am entrusting you with my heart so please treat it with care
To you my soul I unselfishly bare

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Missing Him

Yearning to hear the sound of his voice in my ear
His pressence adorning my atmosphere

His gentle touch on my skin
The pitter-pat of my heart within

As my lips he kissed
My love never dismissed

His forever welcoming arms
Protecting me from harm

His eyes locking into my soul
Like the last piece to the puzzle making us whole

Feeling his essence in every limb
Anticipating each moment with him

Missing him...

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Cry

The youthfulness of adolescence has completely faded more and more over the decades
Thier adult-like behavior is sad but society continues to invade

Babies raising babies defying the morals and values once taught
Leaving the futures of tomorrow helpless and distraught

The music of today is partly to blame
Teaching our kids to except disrespect and shame

Young girls thinking its cute to be called out thier name
Becoming sexual objects exposing thier bodies in disdain, looking for love in vain

Deflowering thier temples in sin at such a young age
While boys are just looking for thier next conquest to upstage

No longer having to earn his way in between her legs
The goals of our youth are infected with an incureable plague

Filling my spirit with worry, rage and sadness
Wondering if there is any hope for this madness

Where did we go wrong, asking our Father why
For my own daughters and grand daughter, I cry

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Rain

Rain drops saturating my cheeks, closing my eyes feeling its pour
Refreshingly cleansing me to my inner core
Holding his hand and kissing his lips
As the back of my head he grips
Loosing ourselves in each other
Forgetting to take cover
Careless and free
Bringing back a flush of memories
Its almost like the sky is releasing inner tears and pain
Dancing in circles chasing one another in the rain
Then opening my eyes
Its only a dream I tearfully realize

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Captured

Captured by Poetically JStar on SoundCloud

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Captured

It seems like I have always known you, eventhough its only been a short while
I cant get you off my mind, each thought brings me the brightest sincere smile
I find a comfort with you that is unexplainable, everything just has this natural flow
Feeling like I have been unexpectidly been struck by cupids arrow
Throughly enjoying each moment of our given time
You are my muse, giving me inspiration for each bar and line
You make me want to take another chance
Wanting to pursue the heights of this romance
In this short time you have completely swept me off of my feet
When the time is right wanting to tell the whole world, no longer being discreet
Unable to shake this just knowing feeling
Only time can determine if love is revealing
You are someone that I have always searched for
Standing way above any other, giving so much more
Our connection and passion was instantaneous
Our lust has proven to be very dangerous, hoping this remains continuous
Above our heads the stars are shining so bright
But taking our time trying to get this one right
These overwhelming feelings are very true
I already know what I want and its only you
Riding the waves of this rapture
My full and undivided attention you have captured

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Stars Glow

I am the addict and you are my drug of choice
Feigning to connect to the sound waves of your voice

Heightening my senses causing the stir of emotions
Like riding the rippling waves of the ocean

Craving to feel your fingertips feathering across my skin
Absorbing the pulsating beat of your heart deep within

Wanting to taste the kiss of your lips and each motion of your tongue
Creating the beats to our melodies and words to our songs yet to be sung

Your arms holding me tight, never wanting to let go
The moons face smiling back at us while we feel each stars glow

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Visions of You

I see you watching me, watching me…
Watch you
Barely able to open my eyes
Engulfing the visions before me
Embracing each second of this moment
Captivated by my view
Our facial expressions reveal
The feelings being felt so clearly to see
This star is crying tears
Of immense joy with each stroke
Begging you daddy please
Never take it out
Wanting more and more
Of these feelings your intensity evokes
Your name in your ear louder and louder I shout
Niagara’s flow on your lips I pour
Shaking uncontrollably
Body completely limp
Tasting your release
Within my soul
Satisfactions displayed visibly
I see you watching me, watching me...
Watch you

Mental Stimulation

Mentally massaging the brain stems in my frontal lobe
Into my thoughts and feelings you so gently probe
Stimulating my mind in ways never before penetrated
Searching every detail for the previously unstated
Discovering the secretly hidden uncharted pathways
Tucked away desires you revelry graze
Mental attraction exceeds the obvious physical attraction
Tantalizing foreplay through only verbal interaction
Wanting to know even more, each and every piece that makes you, you
Enjoying every second of this daily and constant pursuit
Never too much to say in our honestly riveting conversations
Reaching the depths sea of mental stimulation

Foreplay

Expectations reserved for later dates
Allowing whatever is meant to naturally create
Enjoying the present time spent
Following the trails scent
Not sure where it is leading
Or even worried about superseding
Nonetheless a friendship is being built
Without lies or preceding guilt
Even after years, I still feel the passion of our kisses
Now secret daily glances and chances of near misses
Conversation intrigues a deeper curiosity
Attractions measured in their velocity
Sitting across from each other on the train
Normal cool unable to maintain
Smiles and blushing clearly display
Undeniable flirtatious foreplay

Coincide

Woke up with the brightest smile thinking about his love
Feeling like the clouds I am floating above
Walking in the shadows of tunnel vision
He is all that my heart could ever envision
No one could ever fulfill that place in me his love resides
Like we are two halves to a whole and perfectly coincide

Intensity- voice recorded

Intensity by Poetically JStar on SoundCloud

Intensity

I want to taste the scent of his cologne on my tongues tip

Passionate and slow kisses from my neck to my lips

Lifting me off of the bed and pinning me against the wall

Into his secure arms I fall

Body heat rising causing dripping sweat

His whispers in my ear making me soaking wet

Our hearts palpitating creating rhythm to our beats

Vibrations exploding making my knees weak

Almost like each time we are competing with our last session

Seeking to charter the depths of our loves confessions

Reinventing the script with each and every movement

Discovering previously undiscovered improvements

The instant our locking eyes initiate

The electrifying intensity together we naturally create

Exploration

Hold me tight and don’t let go
Allow your true feelings to clearly show
Secure my secrets and ease my fears
Kiss away all of my tears
Be my shoulder to lean on
Make realities of my dreams I wish upon
Soothe my inner emotions
Drowning out any worldly commotion
Battling alone is no longer
As the strength of our love grows stronger
To my needs, wants and desires take heed
And become all I will ever need
In return, I can provide the same and much more
While to the next level of this commitment we explore

Lullaby

I am disappointed each time the phone rings
And it’s not his ringtone sounding
The inner emotions that just his voice brings
Memories of relived moments compounding
Missing the warmth of his hugs
And the chills of his kisses
Images flashing and my heart constantly tugs
Each second without him I reminisce
In his love, I retreat
As dreams come to life and magically appear
Suddenly my heart skips a beat
While his ringtone sings a lullaby in my ear




Hello All! I KNOW I have been slacking...esp, on the writing end. I have been really busy with work lately and I have been doing a lot of performances and I also did a few voice recordings on Soundcloud. My next venture is to record some youtube videos :-)

This one is admittidly a forced write lol..but hey, its what is on my mind at the moment....I miss him each and ever second we are apart...Even when he walks into the next room

Wasted

Wasted

This one is close to my heart since drug abbuse and alcoholism runs deeply with my family.

Two Becoming One

Two Becoming One

Inner Tears

Good Morning All! This sound clip here has a lot of emotion within. It was a deep dark place in my life, in which I am glad I found closure on...But this place, I am sure most can relate at some point in there life.

Inner Tears

SoundCloud-Voice Recordings

Hello Everyone! I surely miss everyone. I havent written much of anything lately. I have been really busy with work and doing my poetry readings. I have taken the time to record some of my poetry on SoundCloud. Please stop by and check out my postings there.

http://soundcloud.com/poeticallyjstar

Please leave me comments, they surely help boost my confidence. I am still quite nervous and sensitive about my poetry.

I hope everyone is doing well. I will try to start blogging more often if possible. But feel free to email me anytime jenniferLwilmer@gmail.com

My Deep Ocean of Thoughts

My Deep Ocean Of Thought by Poetically JStar on SoundCloud

Remembering

Remebering by Poetically JStar on SoundCloud

Whispers

Whispers by Poetically JStar on SoundCloud

Move on

Move On by Poetically JStar on SoundCloud

Whispers

I love it when you kiss me there, yeah there ...and there too
And the way you ever so gently tug on my hair...like you do
The passion felt by the love in your eyes
Intensifying sensations causing the volume of my moans to rise
Uncontrollable shaking as I release all of me...onto your lips
Vibrations piercing the depths of my hips
Wanting to feel your inner touch
Flipping and turning...as the headboard I clutch
Lightly licking the small of my back with each breath
Making me want to recite Shakespeare's Macbeth
Tears form in my eyes because the emotions overwhelm
Floating above the atmosphere... into a whole other realm
Demonstrating and fulfilling each and every desire
Explosions erupt...sparking ablaze our fires
Collapsing in each others embrace
Inner feelings permanently encased
Subliminal messages true love delivers
Truths confessed in whispers

Awaken

I want to go back to sleep, just to bring you out of my dreams to wake up next to
With you being the first voice I hear and eyes I look into

Being serenaded by your kisses
Feelings of total bliss

Lying purely naked, with my thoughts, fears and raw with my love
Giving me in totality, and all else thereof

Not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to leave your side
No wants or desires ever denied

My heart at ease and safely released to you in its entirety
Shields and barriers broken down entirely

To fall asleep in the security of your arms
Comforting and protecting me from any harm

Senses and emotions you constantly reawaken
Each and every day, next to you is where I want to awaken

R.I.P

May God rest his soul, but Trayvons purpose was to change laws by being a martyr
For all of the other senseless murders and souls lost
I am reminded of my dear friend shot in the head in front of her 6 yr old daughter
An argument over ten dollars had a higher cost
And all of the other thousands that are never covered in the news
The lady I never knew but the gun shots and her screams still echo in my head
Hate and racism is bred, and society is our muse
It can happen to anyone, so please to allow that invincible attitude to have you mislead
It's hard to fear your daughters being raped and your sons being killed
Just by hanging with friends or going to the store
All we can do is pray over our kids and be confident in the lessons we instilled
As we send them out to learn the cruel lessons of this world as they explore
Tears drop and my heart breaks for every parent that has lost a child
For them my heart bleeds as I clutch my own
Words can't fully express all the feelings inside of emotions compiled
Just opening our front door is sending our kids out into the unknown

All I Need

My heart is already spoken for and taken

Yes, I am a flirt by nature but dont ever be mistaken

You truly have no chance

I am completely satisfied in my romance

In each moment, he takes my breath away

No temptation can ever lead me astray

He fulfills in places I didn’t know existed

Wondering why for decades I resisted

He has that power over me that no man can compare

It was always so much more than a casual affair

I have wanted him since I was a kid, so now I am holding on tight

With a future together within sight

My expectations he always exceeds

He is and always will be all I will ever need

Move on

You get on my damn nerves thinking you ran this
Now all you can do is sit back and reminisce

You tried to step up only after I stepped off
You took my kindness and thought I was soft

The thing is, I know my self-worth and love me
No sense in prolonging what's already clear to see

No, you don't get the satisfaction of one last time
You can't bribe me because I don't want you to spend another dime

I am tired of the texting and calling
Thinking for your tricks and lies I am falling

I have moved on and my happiness is killing you
Disregard the plans and schemes you are trying to construe

I am so over you, you just don't know
My standards for my man, your so below

Be lucky and grateful for the time you did have
But your tears and begging are so sad

This conversation has been permanently adjourned
Find someone else to harass and please move on

Busy

Hello All! I have been soooo busy lately! With work, and my poetry readings have been very consistant. ALSO I am a grandmother now :-) Haylee Lanae was born 2/29/12 and was 7 lbs and 5.6 oz She is the joy of my life. I have been asked not to post pics so I will post just two of her hands and feet. I so need to write. So much has been going on I havent written since my last post a little over a month agao.

Amazing

This is a fresh one that I just wrote this morning...Enjoy...

Amazing

This feeling is so amazing words get stuck escaping my lips
So natural and unconditional like a perfectly written script
The passion takes over and directs each movement and action
Constant explosions almost like a nuclear reaction
Just by the first kiss and the locking of our eyes
Arms surrounding as his hands firmly grip my thighs
Soft and gentle kisses following my neck arising each and every sensation
Emotions intertwine liquefying a naturalized sedation
Following his lead, unclothed to our bed
Words replaced by moans of satisfaction while each desire is so carefully fed
Stretching and expanding the true definitions of love
Reaching plateaus that were previously undreamed of
A plethora of mixtures seeping from depths of uncharted territories
Love that is incomprehensible and rewriting untold stories
We were each other’s first, and now we will be our last
Since the obvious is no longer deniable we are rediscovering that these feelings are unsurpassed
After two decades we have overcame the childish phasing and appraising
And can now enjoy a true love that is beyond amazing

Business Card

I just made up some business card to do some networking at my poetry readings. Whatcha think?

Tune in to my interview

Tune in to Intimate Lyrics to hear Persia Red and Insight Seeker interview yours truly : -) today at 12pm.
Part two will be next Saturday at 12pm

http://www.wowuradio.net/shows.html

To chat with Intimate Lyrics-Persia Red and Insight Seeker on Facebook

http://intimatelyrics.blogspot.com/2012/01/intimate-lyrics-debuts-j.html?m=1

Feb 11th Performance

I meant to post this flyer instead of a past one lol...

Neglect

I soo applogize for neglecting my blog. Its hard, I have been crazy busy. Doing a lot more on the poetry scene. I recorded for the first show of Intimate Lyrics which airs this saturday at 12pm http://intimatelyrics.wowradip.net/ check me out :-) I have two more readings lined up Feb 11th at Island Cafe, then Feb 14th at the DC Soundstage. So I am excited about those events.

My Forever

Mind and heart focused and in a zone
Although our future is unknown
Truth is that I've been yours from day one
We can't take back the past and all that we have done
Realized the grass was never greener after many mistakes
Both causing the other pain and heartaches
But the passion we share has a hold on our souls
Resisting is useless because it's no longer within our control
Since we have yet again reconnected, I feel comfort within
Emotions overflowing leaving my head in a spin
I've lost my breath as my heart skips a beat
My knees are weak, making me lose the balance of my feet
The feelings being felt are beyond explanation
Now it's time to expound upon our foundation
To discover what this is that keeps our attention
The depths are beyond any comprehension
After it all, we have grown stronger than ever
You have always been my one, my forever

Performance

Good Morning All! I have been unable to get on my blog lately. Sooo much has been going on. I see when I am able to post from my phone app, my followers are sliming down. I am also not able to return the love as much. 

The pics above were from my Poetry Reading Saturday night. I did soooooo much better this time. I read slower, learned how to use the mic :) and everyone was able to hear every word. I was nervous, but did not allow that to affect my performance.

Stage Fright

Its not easy to get up here
With an audience so near
Eyes focused on me awaiting the message I am to deliver
To my core I feel a shiver
The pit of my stomach is in knotts
From the spotlight I am starting to see spots
That lump in my throat forming
My embarassment of performing
But I am making yet another attempt to overcome my fears
And in front of others sharing my tears
Friends and family for years didn't even know I wrote
Words that only to the paper I spoke
My hearts desires written in words that define me as a whole
Demonstrating the love that seeps from the depths of my soul
As well as detailing some of my dissapointments that led to anger
Up here, sharing a part of me in front of strangers
This mic extremely terrifies me
As much as I try to hide its obvious to see
No matter how well I know the piece, my mind goes blank
I bring a back -up reference, so I won't have to think
Because poetry is my lifes eyesight
If I can only get over this damn stage fright

Affects of AIDS

It all started with a cough that just wouldn't go away
He still hadn't even admitted he was gay
He felt sick every day, he knew something wasn't quite right
He didn't have the strength anymore to fight this fight
After confirmation, then came deep depression
His family finally heard his heartfelt confessions
Depression took over and consumed
His worst fears were a reality and no longer assumed
He gave up hope completely
He was grieving inside deeply
Seclusion was his first defense
Total lies his lover told were the greatest offense
He now needed assistance with moms care
The pain was more then he could bare
His body was covered with a horrible rash
Continuously cursing at everyone, breaking moms heart with each lash
He didn't have the energy to get out of bed
It caused extreme pain to even move his head
Thresh would build up in his throat causing him to choke
His only enjoyment was his coffee and to smoke
His friends didn't understand and was scared to come around
Feelings of abandonment were profound
He lost so much weight that he looked like a skeleton covered with skin
He felt as if he were being punished for his sins
He refused his medication because he no longer wanted his life prolonged
This world he never felt as if he really belonged
He was always teased and tortured his entire childhood
It was obvious he was gay just by the way he stood
In his final days he told mom he saw God and that He needed him
He said the flowers in His garden were so amazingly beautiful even down to the stems
But he didn't want to leave his mother here
She told him his time to leave was near
She would miss him dearly but couldn't stand to see him suffer another day
Saying goodbye to her son wasn't easy finding the right words to say
Watching the constant torture was driving her insane
After three long years of suffering and pain
I knew he was gone at 5am, as soon as I heard the phone ringing
It sounded just like the angels were singing
He was now pain free and in a better place
Now life without him was not easy to face

Motivation

I have lost my motivation
My need for a standing ovation

Its hard to write when things are down
And even harder to reverse this frown

Everything is hitting me all at once
Piling up for months

My faith is constantly being tested
My mind is restless

Confusion invades
Scattered thoughts persuade

A strong need to release
And again find that inner peace

Rebuking these constant attacks
Forcing my motivation back

Reading

Well I am going to try to read two of my pieces tonight. Trying so hard to get over my stage frieght. I am going to read "Whisper" and "Real" that have been recently posted. Please pray that I can get through this..this time

Whisper

Soft whispers in my ear
Ignoring the sounds that I hear

Heading in the direction I feel
Forgetting nightly to kneel

Stressing because nothing is going as planned
And I don't understand

Not happy with the person I became
But still I don't hear Him calling my name

Daily He makes his presence known
The inevitable postponed

Until I had no choice but to turn to Him
Bringing light to what was once dim

Overwhelming feelings
Of an inner healing

Letting go of personal expectations
No longer worrying about complications

My path is now clear
Allowing His word to adhere

In His joy I rejoice
Reconizing His voice

Wordless

A wordsmith left speechless
Unable to capture the intensity of feelings felt
No rythmn can display the beating of my heart
The depths of this love no one can envision
Justice not conveyed in the simplicity of words

Relive

I love from the core of my soul,
With everything in me

Freely given yet sometimes stolen,
At times my mind and heart don't agree

I haven't always made smart choices,
Giving my love to those that didn't deserve

Ignoring the signs and inner voices,
Even went years with my love on reserve

Ran from true love staring me in the face,
Scared to again be hurt

Although my heart was still beating at a rapid pace,
My one and only I chose to dessert

But without his love I couldn't breathe,
Feeling totally empty and alone

As much as I denied true love was already concieved,
Chill bumps formed from just his tone

My whole heart is only his to claim,
All the love inside that I have to give

Since the day we met I have never been the same,
That love we once shared I want to relive

Real

Looking for your love in all the wrong faces
Running from you, leaving my heart displaced
The more I ran, the more I wanted you
I have always been yours, and you always knew
Loving you scared me to my core
But always left me wanting more
I allowed past mistakes to interfere
With what I already knew to be sincere
Even when we became distant
Attempting to be resistant
Everything in me, loves you with everything I have to give
That place in me that your love lives
No one can replace
With any other face
I can no longer deny how I feel
I can no longer run from what's real

Defeated

Keep checking my phone,
Making sure I haven't missed a call or text

My heart is aching for your touch,
Loving you is a natural reflex

Missing time spent,
The feel of your kisses absorbed

Can't get enough of you,
Wanting you more and more

Your voice rings in my ear
Your tone makes me feel as your near

Anticipating the day our eyes again meet
Giving in to our hearts defeat

Poetry

You are the air in my lungs
The ink that bleeds from my pen
Displaying life inspirations
My heart beats to its own rythmn
Poetry imerges from my pores

Performance

Here is me on stage trying to read

Smh

I reposted the last three poems for easy access became I was to do a reading. I tried soo hard but soooooo choked

Healed

Hollowed heart and dented frame
Buried deep, love remnants remain
Echoes of repeated mistakes
Mind no longer aches
Inner peace and joy refill
With the strength of God's will
Truth no longer concealed
Once broken, now healed

Memories

Mind drifting to places unknown
Sighs float in the wind like a whisper
Smelling the frangrance of his cologne
Images are bright and getting crisper

Seconds and hours disappear
Times lost does not return
The past seems far but near
Feelings capture and do not adjourn

Moments embraced as the clock ticks
Words no longer able to say
Broken promises remain unfixed
Memories constantly replay

Just Once More

Lying here in this bed next to him
Wanting him to touch and love me until my knees go numb
Longing to feel his soft kisses on my neck
Loving me all the way down past the small of my back
His hands gently caressing my thighs
Making my senses alert and sensitive to his touch
Craving to feel him deep inside
Taking me to our sensual place
Induldging into pure ecstasy
Falling asleep in his arms
Awakening to his much desired kisses
But instead
I lay next to this man that I love with every molecule of my body
Hurting, missing the love we shared
Both knowing we cannot be, not now
But our love is so powerful it keeps pulling us back
Now we lay here as two friends would
Pretending we don't want to give in
Just once more...

Hiatas

Sorry for the long hiatas. Soo much has been going on in my world, good and bad. I was originally working hard doing end of fiscal year close outs just to find out that our company lost our contract last week. So after the inital shock of being jobless I am now motivated and positvely pursuing where I want my career to go. With the help of good friends and my faith, I know bigger and better things are coming and I can no longer worry. Now that I will have plenty of time on my hands I will have no exuse not to write :)

I was having trouble posting from the bloggerdroid app so I am now posting from the reg blogger app so I hope this one works better.

Climb

Cleansed my heart from past pains

My confidence I regained

The ability to trust

A clear vision to see past lust

Speaking what comes to mind

Biting my tongue has resigned

Stronger I stand

Respect I demand

Taking life one day at a time

Cherishing each journey I climb

TGIF!!!! This really wasnt heavy on my heart, but the words formed as they are. I am thinking someone needed a reminder of this strength and overcoming I have displayed...I dont question what comes out naturally...I hope everyone has a safe and blessed weekend!

Conceived

Awakening to your kisses

Your scent consumed as I breathe in

Last night’s passion reminisced

This is the way each day should begin

Smiling from the inside out

With that extra stride in my step

At the top of my lungs I shout

That next level overstepped

Love displayed in my eyes

Wearing my heart on my sleeve

Within emotions arise

Each day, a stronger love we conceive

Good Morning All! This is just how I am feeling this morning :) Just how those morning kisses set your day off... *wink*

Done

The ticking of the clock has my heart on edge

Pondering the evidence and truths you allege

Tired of the same old games

The reasons your actions claim

Being the only one to put forth sacrifice

While your appetite you continue to entice

Telling me the same as your telling them

After I put my heart out on the limb

Gave you another chance

An opportunity for us to advance

You’re only confessing because you were caught

With no account for my feelings left distraught

After my trust you promised never to again break it

But instead you chose to forsake it

The overwhelming feeling left me gut wrenched

Pain grabbed my heart and tightly clenched

Tears I refused to shed

Words remain to be left unsaid

My actions turning heartless and cold

Love now on withhold

The relief of you walking away I observe

Knowing the value I deserve

I can no longer accept you as a loved one

Since you can’t be honest, I am officially done

Confusion

Confusion invades and brings me doubt

Shedding light on everything I am unclear about

Causing me to be indecisive

As well as apprehensive

I want to learn to trust my heart

And finish what I start

Maybe I am more “in love” with being loved

And scared to live life feeling unloved

Still learning how to love and give my all

With confidence to stand tall

Instead of pulling people in, just to run away

Allowing my heart to be easily led astray

Knowing I need to let go

And take things slow

In order to make better decisions

To see beyond my line of vision

Just when I think I am healed

Someone comes from left field

Making my heart skip a beat

Forgiving me for my deceit

But I am still unsure

If I am strong enough to endure

Every time I try to move on

My attention is drawn

For a love that still pulsates my being

While doubts have my heart disagreeing

Not sure which way to turn

To receive the love I yearn

Trying to see clearly through this delusion

And break free from this state of confusion


Hello All! WHY of WHY does his voice STILL make my heart skip a beat? The second I attempt to move you, he is right there...Why does he have such a hold on my heart? That I just cant break free of...

Earthquake + Hurricane/Tropical Storm

Good Morning All! Things have been quite crazy in MD this week, hince me not posting. First of all Tuesday around 2pm while sitting at my desk the entire building started to shake. Mind you I am in a really old wooden bldg that should be condemed already...Its so bad that there are areas in the hall that we avoid so we wont fall through on a normal...so our building shook way harder than a normal brick building would have. And I have never felt that feeling ever before. We arent used to that on the East Coast at ALL...Almost makes me never want to even travel to Cali. Scared the mess out of me forreal, esp not even knowing what the heck it was. I am still a little shaken but have a poem brewing from that expereince...Still pissed I sat in 3 hours of traffic that day because of people in a panic.

Now, Saturday evening we are looking out for Hurricane Irene that is supposed to gives us a tropical storm and flash floods. So, this has just been a very scary week all together.

I hope that everyone has a great weekend, be safe and blessed!

Eyes Wide Open

Clarity in my vision

Clear and concise decisions

Knowing exactly what I want and need

From lessons learned, I now heed

Voice of reasoning in my ears

No need to front, everything is as it appears

Taking control of my destiny

My worth has endless density

To your words and actions, I listen

Everything I need to know, is given

Smarter with my choices

Adhering to the inner voices

Recognizing ill intentions from the door

Knowing I deserve more

My future has already been chosen

Eyes wide open

Good Morning All! This is how I am feeling this morning...Tired of the bs...Flipping the page...

Hearts Align

Your touch absorbed within

Soaked in the depths of my skin

Your kisses make my heart smile

Making each second worthwhile

Your voice calms my mood

My spirit relaxed and subdued

Your hugs are warming and secure

Sublime moments always allure

Your scent awakens my senses

Natural emotion dispenses

Your eyes reflect truth and sincerity

Ensuing doubtless clarity

Feelings felt, I can no longer deny

Your love leaves me high

Your lips form poetry to my ears

While drying my tears

As our hands intertwine

Our hearts perfectly align

Good Monday Morning! I am feeling a lil sexy this morning :)

Through the Fire

I have been through the fire

Made plans from this earth to expire

I experienced homelessness, rape(s), and molestations

That attempted to crack my foundation

But what my father did hurt worse than any other

I went through two divorces and battled lifelong depression

But in the end, I have learned more than one lesson

I got off track but found my way back

Gaining the strength I lacked

My daughters gave me my motivation

But God’s Word prevented total desolation

And gave me back the fight and faith I required

To survive through the fire

Good Morning All! This one came from the heart...

Moments

Hold me tight and secure

And with your eyes allure

Your sincerity that is within

And the sexiness in your grin

Smiling from the inside out

Not falling victim to doubt

Enjoying now without expectations

Releasing any limitations

Open and allowing a natural flow

No explanations to owe

Cherishing each moment spent

Comfortably and content

Good Morning All! So many people put too many expectations on things...This reflects just allowing things to happen naturally, and whatever happens...happens...This is something I have had to work on over the years myself...So its a lot more fun just chilling out...and accepting whatever comes...

Heartache

The yearning and aching

My heart continuously re-breaking

At the thought of my actions

My moment of distraction

Succumbing to weakness

Not appreciating your uniqueness

As the keeper of my heart

I know It’s my fault that we are apart

And that nothing can take back what’s done

But this heartache I can’t seem to outrun

This longing within my soul

That only your love can console

Good Morning ALL! I just recently talked to my ex boyfriend (Navy) and he has been reminding me of how badly I hurt him...Which is so hard to hear...My heart breaks at the thought of him hurting...He is obviously still feeling it...But yet, at the same time he misses me...and cant stop loving me...After I hurt him over and over and over (Which he NEVER deserved) how could he STILL have love for me? Why does he not hate me? I was insecure, and couldnt wait for my Navy man...So this poem reflects the heartache from all that I have done...that I cannot take back...

Irresistible

Irresistible

Not a moment goes by

That my body doesn't crave

The way our tongues tie

Tasting each second memory saved

Soft kisses on my neck and lips

I cant even pretend to resist

Pure love sips

Drunken passion twisted

Tingling sensation

Floating high

Loves creation

Nothing denied

Everything kissable

Ecstasy irresistible

Hello ALL! I am posting this because maybe I kinda miss this feeling...I am feeling sexy, but dont have the person to feel this way about...But thats totally cool with me! I am enjoying the "now"...There is someone...but I am def taking my time to get to this level...He doesnt even know all the barriers that have to be broken to get to my heart...

Projection

Projection

Forming a plan to devise

A smooth lateral transition

My strategies I will advise

To accomplish the target mission

My capabilities will go above and beyond

Anything ever expected

Forming lasting relationships as I correspond

Honored to be the one selected

Now it’s my time to shine and uplift

To demonstrate perfection

My decisions will charge each shift

Time to share my ideas and projections

Good Morning All! I tried to write this morning but nothing seemed to form for me...My thoughts are scattered...I am reposting this because this is where my mind is...Focused on what all I have to do...I am posting as a reminder for me to get my focus back...

Releasing

Releasing my heart

Of anything that doesn’t fit

Into the visions I have planned

Releasing feelings and hurt

To love and accept

The good and bad

Releasing words from my mouth

With only truth and sincerity

No longer biting my tongue

Releasing negativity and drama

Not feeding into nonsense

Because I am a lady in every sense

Releasing anyone who doesn’t deserve

To receive all the love inside me

I am worthy of cherishing

Releasing to set free

All that is not for me

Weights lifted, rejoicing in release

Good Morning All! This is sort of a rant...Last night I did some releasing...I honestly told him the details of me moving on, eventhough it hurt him to the core...I had to be straight up, because there was nothing he could say or do to make my feelings towards him change...Now I feel like a dead weight has been lifted off of my chest and out of my life...Now I am looking toward a bright future...Heading back in the direction I am destine for...

Love Lost

After your deception I am unable to trust

My heart is not forgiving of the unjust
My barriers have now been raised

And any effort to repair goes unfazed

Once those lines have been crossed

I can’t regain what has been lost

Anything else now will be time wasted

Love can never again be tasted

Good Morning All! I wrote this just to post on facebook to let someone know just how I feel lol...I give a fair chance...I tried to show with my actions but he still isnt getting the hint...I have already moved on ;) and no longer chose to pretend...

Reminisce

With closed eyes my visions are clear

Almost like a dream he appears

Holding me tight and whispering in my ear

Truths in his eyes give me comfort that he is sincere

Hesitations and doubt quickly dismiss

Feeling the passion with each kiss

Creating the depth of an oceanic abyss

On times yet to be shared in my mind I reminisce

Good Morning All! I had no idea what to write until a text gave me this inspiration :)

PS: Anyone who has a blog that I have to log into, I am unable to comment. But this doesnt mean that I am not reading...Do people really get that much spam on here that they need someone to log in just to comment :(

Curiosity

I must admit I am intrigued to know more

Than the exterior décor

Physical attraction initially caught our attention

Curious to discover each level of your dimension

Enjoying the current conversation exchange

Looking forward to plans being arranged

And time spent getting to know

How deep our friendship is able to go

Feeling vibes brought by mutual sensuosity

I am intrigued with strong curiosity

Good Morning All! This write was a little forced today. It is how I am feeling right at this very moment about a certain someone...But since there arent really many feelings attached in the begining of getting to know a person, it was hard for me to relay the vibes that are flowing within me. I dont want to make any assumptions about anyone or even get hopes up. I like to take my time and enjoy day by day and whatever happens, happens naturally...

Despite

We rise up just to fall back down

Daily trying our best not to drown

Having that one that’s by your side

Holding you tight through this roller coaster ride

When life knocks you from every angle thought of

Providing strength and joy only given through His love

Makes every second of every day worth the fight

Finding true peace and happiness despite

Good Morning All!  I just wanted to remind everyone, that despite it ALL...He will carry you when you cannot walk...I wanted to do a sensual, sexy piece today because that is kinda how I am feeling...But these words spilled through my pen...So an inspirational day it is :) enjoy!

Ok, I did a quick name change of this blog...I got tired of "Inside Jstar's Head" because its not technically true...My words are not even a thought...They flow directly from my heart onto paper...With no reason or rhyme at times...or even understanding...So until I come up with something catchy...Poetically Jstar it is :)

Passion

Your kisses melt me into a liquidation form

To your body I conform

Our hearts beating in sync

From lustful passion we drink

Ok, I know this is really short...but its kinda all I wanted to say...You know that kiss, that words just cant describe...This is what I am talkin about...

Healed

Hollowed heart and dented frame

Buried deep, love remnants remain

Echoes of repeated mistakes

Mind no longer aches

Inner peace and joy refill

With God’s will

Truth no longer concealed

Once broken, now healed

Short and sweet...Its shows an overcoming of the darkness within that so many people deal with...Giving testimony that this CAN be overcome and inner peace and joy ARE possible within HIS WILL!!!