His Voice-Friday's 55

Good Morning All!  TGIF!!!!!!!!  I just wrote this one for G-Man's Friday 55!  FYI- I added an awards page and picture page, the links are displayed at the top :)  I am sorry to inform you that I removed my "Sexual Healing" section of my poetry.  I have chosen to keep my erotic poetry private.  I have to keep some things personal :)  Have a blessed and wonderful weekend!

His voice makes my heart skip a beat
Sending chills from my head to my feet
My stomach fills with butterflies
Vibrations felt through my thighs
Senses alert
He is the whip cream to my dessert
Tasting his essence
Feeling his presence
His voice comforts my heart
His voice is assurance when we are apart

His Battle

Good Morning All!  I just got finised writing this, inspiration came from a gospel song I heard driving to work this morning.  It spoke volumes to me with what I am dealing with.  Still learning to Let Go and Let God...It gets hard at times because of daily stresses and issues arrising.  But my faith carries me through.  Knowledge is key to your relationship with Him.  Just knowing the basics of what is pleasing to him is just not enough to sustain you.  Reading your bible is so important.  God speaks to us through His word.  Everything I read, speaks to my life and gives me guidance with whatever I am dealing with at that moment.  People say God doesnt reply back to their prayers, maybe you just arent listening...God gives us answers in the most unlikely way, we may not reconize because we are not familiar with His voice.  He sends confirmation but we ignore...Until we cant ignore anymore...Until He breaks us down and we have no one else to turn to.  Dont go to Him ONLY in your troubles, Praise Him for His blessings.  ALL blessings originate from HIM, give Him the glory!  Have a blessed and wonderful day!

His Battle

Let go and your joy will be complete
Dont just fall in defeat
Your troubles make you stronger
Dont hold onto the guilt any longer
Repent your sins
And your peace will begin
Never give up hope
Whatever it is, you CAN cope
Set your mind at ease
Dont question God's expertise
Stay in fear of His reign
Allow His glory to attain
And His knowledge to excite
Realize that its just not your battle to fight

Thoughts-Guest Poet Tanaesha Leak

Here are a few of my daughters fresh poems written within the last two weeks that I thought I would share.  She does have my account passwords and log in info and does read your comments :)  Come on now and give my baby some confidence so maybe one day she will create her own blog....But other than my posting her poetry and my eyes, NO ONE else has EVER read her poetry...She refuses to share because she is very shy...So come on and tell my baby what you really think of her words :)

Thoughts

Cloudy night
Rain falling from the sky
Kinda dark outside
Lights set dim
All I can do is think of him
Bringing smiles to my face
Thoughts of him brightens up my day even then
He was the Prince to my Cinderella story
Cant remember one bad memory
Until the very end
Choas overthrowing my thoughts
Afraid to step foot to him again

Emotionally Confused Syndrome

I am emotionally confused
Is it my heart that is bruised
So many thoughts flowing through my head
Just want to fall asleep in my bed
Dodging the craziness ahead
But tears I will not shed
These issues are scaring me
Emotions that I dare not to see
To my confusion there is no key
Why wont these problems let me be
Can I put this to an end
Why to me it repeatidly sends
To my heart there is no kin
In my mind this is a trend
Having this Emotionally Confused Syndrome

Wait & See

Shallow days
Dark nights
Storming and raining
Hurting and crying
All over the world
But my heart I still depend on
To move me towards the light
The dark and storm I fear
But I shall move forward
Eventhough it feels like it
My life is not completely over
You have not totally crushed my heart
It still beats
I dont need you
Or your so called "love"
But still I cant wait to hate you
And break through these emotional changes
But now when I hear your name
I think to myself, "What a waste of time"
But when I see your face
My heart stops
What a shame
But even through my heart is torn
I will move on
And you will see
How much better of a person
I can be
Without you
And the next will heal
And put back together
What your love has broken
Just wait and see...

By Tanaesha Lashaye Leak

Free Falling

Free Falling

Sick and tired of stressing
Constantly assessing
Damage already done
And all thats been left undone
Wondering how I am going to make it
Not understanding how the pieces are going to fit
Letting go
Even though the debts are still owed
Having faith that HE will provide
Closing my eyes and opening my arms wide
Feeling assurance in His calling
Letting completely go and free falling

Into God's loving arms...

Knowing

Dedicated to Steph!  I KNOW you can make it through!  We are both going to get through, even if we have no idea how...

Knowing

Scared not knowing
Not sure where I am going
Not sure how I am going to make it
Feelings as I want to quit
But know I cant allow myself to succumb
Knowing there is more I want to become
I just need to make it past this
Knowing I cant afford to remiss
I am learning how to wait
Attempting not to fall for the bait
Things are looking grim
Stepping out with faith as my limb
Knowing He is faithful and His words are true
Knowing He WILL carry me through

Sugar Coated

Sugar Coated

Thoughts continuously flowing
In my head
Pouring out of my soul
Like sweet sugar coating my words
Sprinkling your heart
With purple rain drops
Comforting your spirit
Calming your doubts
Dismantling your fears
Your mind drifting
Into my world
Heeding my lessons
Feeling my passion
The heat rising from my veins
The steadiness of my heart beat
Compassion for my pains
My journey to inner happiness
Presenting my life through my words
Sugar coated

Choice

Choice

The pain and troubles have already been endured
Now you have grown and matured
Move on and wipe away your tears
Resist by overcoming your fears
Dont allow them to consume
Dont ignore the flowers bloom
Enjoy the beauty bestowed before you
Defy evil plans being construed
Stay in search of things that bring joy
And rebuke the things that destroy
Listen to that inner voice
Happiness is a choice

Taste

Taste
My taste is what I chose;

The sour, I was already prepared for
The sweet, my mouth watered for
The bitter, may not be what I planned for

Life brings the sour, have your sword battle ready
Sweetness isnt always steady
The bitter came unexpectedly, but you have been through worse already

Now your tastes have been defined
Chose to savor the tastes being refined
And learn the lessons being presented
Grow and learn what can be prevented
Outcomes are not always similar
Know your taste buds so that they are familar

Released

Released

All of my pain, released
No longer allowing past hurt to hold me back
Half of my responsibilities, released
No longer taking on other responsibilities as my obligation
My burdens, released
Not allowing others to bring me down with them
My hesitations, released
No longer wasting precious time second guessing
My doubt, released
My faith assures me
My worries, released
No longer stressing over the uncontrollable
My fear, released
Knowing God will carry me through
My self-consciouness, released
Walking with my head held high
My insecurities, released
Truly loving me in totality
Drama, released
Not allowing drama into my life any longer
Headaches, released
Previous stress not affecting today
Obligations from others, released
No longer taking on others responsibility
Heart-aches, released
Not allowing heart-ache to prevent future love
Disappointments, released
No longer allowing others to take my joy
Expectations, released
Giving it ALL to God, allowing His will to control

Comfort

Comfort

Within the Word, God provides comfort and peace
As an armor to make it through
Giving strength to maintain until your problems cease
Allow Him to use you
To assist others in their fight
Allow your testimony to provide confirmation
And comfort that everything will be alright
His Word gives us hope and inspiration
A law of His instructions to live by
Remain faithful and obedient
Inner strength He will supply
Your relationship with Him is the main ingredient
To peace and happiness
Take comfort in His assurance
And the knowing that He will bless
And provide endurance

Strength

Strength

My world is flipping upside down
But I see the pieces of the puzzle falling into place
Listening to the sounds
Of your voice and recognizing your face
Leading me through the fires
Protecting me from harm
No longer living through desires
Not falling for the devils charm
Finding strength within
That I never felt before
You are the only one I can depend
To open closed doors
I never thought possible
Each day no matter the circumstance, I praise your name
And you show miracles that were once impossible
Now, my life will never be the same

Trust

Trust

I have learned a lot in my lifetime
And ready to learn more as I climb

I have literally been through hell and back
Constantly fighting away the devils attack

Each day as I pray for relief
I am learning to have confidence in my belief

That He will carry me when I cannot walk
Knowing that He will be my voice when I am unable to talk

Discovering the path that He is leading me toward
Opening doors that were once ignored

Exploring my own inner happiness
He completely fulfills leaving no room for emptiness

Giving God my everlasting trust
Allowing Him to correct the unjust

Wasted

Wasted

Your sorrows are forgotten but still remain
Currently not driving you insane

Deep within they are bleeding
Giving power while misleading

Intoxicating your inner thoughts
Leaving you completely distraught

Even more confused
Ego continues to bruise

Drink after drink
Mind and heart no longer in sync

Puffing and passing
Memories still harrasing

Too blasted to even care anymore
Feelings totally being ignored

Now able to sleep without nightmares
Victory declares

One more day concluded
Horros eluded

But still slowly eating at your flesh
New problems continue to manifest

Nothing to look forward to
To the bottom of the bottle you subdue

Awake and start the routine again
Now your sanity depends

On these chemicals you're using to set free
Still trashed with debris

Sobriety never again tasted
Lifeless life remains wasted

Snowed In

Snowed In

Refridgerator stocked, awaiting the upcoming snow
Excitidely anticipating the beauty thats well known

As the snow flakes kissed my cheeks and landed on my nose
A cold shiver throught my body arose

Feeling as I did as a young child
Snowball fights reconciled

Sleigh riding until our fingers and toes were numb
Laughing at how wet and cold we had become

Childhood memories rediscovered
Cars and homes completely snow covered

Emerging winters peak
Snowed in for over a week

Feeling caged in
Boredum settling within

Now, awaiting this mess to melt
And summers shunshine again felt

Whisper

Whisper

Soft whispers in my ear
Ignoring the sounds that I hear

Heading in the direction I feel
Forgetting nightly to kneel

Stressing because nothing is going as planned
And I dont quite understand

Not happy with the person I became
But still I dont hear Him calling my name

Daily He makes His presence known
The inevitable postponed

Until we have no choice but to turn to Him
Bringing light to what was once dim

Overwhelming feelings
Of an inner healing

Letting go of personal expecatations
No longer worrying about complications

My path is now clear
Allowing His word to adhere

In His joy I rejoice
Reconizing His voice

PS:  I just took the pic above this morning in the bathroom at work playing with my camera phone :)  I took a bunch more but this is the only one that came to my email as of yet, the others are taking forever....

Do I Love You?-My Daughters Poetry

Do I Love You?

Do I love you?

I dont know

Do I love you?

I'm so confused

I have never been in love

So how would I know?

This feelin' I have for you

I cant explain and cant let go

No one else can come close

When I'm with you I get so quiet,

I dont even know why

Maybe its because you take my breathe away

The second I leave you,

I get so confused

When we seem to part and you are out of my sight

I start to miss you

When I talk to you on the phone,

Your voice makes me melt

The sad part is that officially your not even mine

But I could care less about them other girls

They mean nothing to me

I've known you for so long, almost all my life

I should be over this feelin' that I feel for you

But I'm not, it just gets stronger

And I am scared

I'm scared to open up to you

Cuz I'm scared to love

But most importantly I am scared to love you

And I dont know why

I know you told me you would never do me wrong

And thats what I am scared of

I am scared because I know you would never hurt me

That terrifies me

Do I love you?

I'm not sure

Do I love you?

I think I do

But now the question is how do I show you?

And what would you think?

Shadows of You

I sit and wait by the phone,

Day and night

Just to hear your special ringtone,

That I will never recieve

I miss your company

Can we atleast be friends?

Where is your sympathy?

Is it even there?

I still hear your voice in my head

As I sit and lay in my bed,

The same place where, before

Many messages from you were read

Shadows of you raoming around in my head

I dont want you back

I just want your friendship

Which is what we lack

Like we had before

I sometimes wish I could

Go back in the past

And make our relationship last

But until then

Shadows of you are roaming around in my head

By: Tanaesha Leak

Tanae`sha Lashaye-My Daughters Poetry

 

Why

I dont know why the sky is blue, or even why the grass is green

Makes me wonder is this more than what it seems

I dont know why summer starts in June

Or why winter comes too soon

Even makes me wonder at night why is it only half of the moon

So tell me why do people fall in love

And let their heart sore above

Leaving it vulnerable and open

So that without knowing, it could be easily broken

Makes me wonder why it is so easy to fall in love

But so hard to restore your heart after being broken

***These two are dedicated to Michael Jackson :)  Even the one above has a few of Mikes lines if you can recognize his words...***

Now I Realize

I know at first I seen you as such a bad person

Because thats the picture people painted in my head

So before you left I never really knew you and I never really cared

I just went by what people said

And now that you are gone

I realize your greatness

I realize your perfection

I realize your innocence

I realize your shyness

I realize that you cared for others

I realize that you had a heart

And I realize that deep down inside you were hurting

You were hurting because they made you seem as such a bad person

They made you paranoid about the way you looked

They took your pride

They took your childhood

And your manhood

They took away the ability for you to sleep at night

They made you into a person you were not

And someone you could never become

And at the end they were never happy

You told them to leave you alone

But they never listened

And now I realize how sweet of a person you were

Hopefully now they will leave you alone

You've Shown Me

You've shown me how to not be so selfish

You've shown me that the world needs healing

You've shown me how to love outside of myself

You've shown me that prejudice is ignorance

You've shown me that they dont really care about us

You've shown me that you should never come second to none

You've shown me that sharing is the key to life

You've shown me how to respect someone even if you dont like them

You've shown me how to be a lover not a fighter

You've shown me that not everyone is what they seem

You've shown me that through everything your are not alone

You've shown me all this

Through your music, your walk and your talk

You've shown me alot and we never personally met

By Tanaesha Leak

Excuses

Excuses

Why do we make excuses for why we can't obey
This is when our hearts are led astray

Falling into evil temptations
Ignoring His expectations

Then blame Him for not progressing
Instead of on our knees confessing

Wondering why our problems are not being alleviated
But the route He mapped we deviated

We go to church and hear the Word
But don't truthfully understand what we heard

We take what we want to hear
But our efforts are not sincere

How can you love Him with half of our heart
Without learning His Word that He is attempting to impart

Build a true relationship with Him
Allowing Him to be the only one you depend

He will give you the strength to make it through
Your spirit He will renew

You will be able to feel His presence within
And allow your walk with Him to truly begin

Exodus 3:10-12 NIV
10-"...So now, go I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt."
11-But Moses said to God, "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?
12-And God said, "I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you..."

Exodus 4:1 NIV
1-Moses answered, "What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, 'The Lord did not appear to you'?"

Exodus 4:11-13 NIV
11-The Lord said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord?
12-Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."
13-But Moses said, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it."

See how Moses made exuses to not obey God's instructions!!!!  We doubt ourselves or dont want to stand up in His name, we are ashamed and deny him....Just as Peter denied Him after Jesus was arrested prior to Him being crucified, Peter denied Him three times...

John 18:17-18 NIV
17-"You are not one of his disciples, are you?" the girl at the door asked Peter.  He replied, "I am not."
18-It was cold, and the servants and officials stood around a fire they had made to keep warm.  Peter also standing with them, warming himself.

Making exuses is basically denying God, in His eyes...Yes, we are sinners...and are not perfect, but God knows whats in our hearts and he knows if we are truly trying to please Him...Dont make exuses...Just do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mid-Life Crisis

Dedicated to Johanna Jarnebrand :)  She was my inspiration for this piece!



Mid-Life Crisis

Not where I expected my life to be
Nothing accomplished for the life I wanted for me

Too busy taking care of others
Catering to the kids and undeserving lovers

Re-evaluating what it is that I desire
Finding the happiness that I require

Realizing that being happy is a choice
Now listening and obeying my inner voice

No longer looking to others to provide when what I need truly lies within
Ready for my fulfilled life to begin

Said goodbye to people and things that no longer had a place
That drama and stress now replaced

No longer worried about petty obligations
Raising my expectations

God provides unconditional love that I have been in search of
I give all my worries and troubles to the Man above

Wake each day with a genuine smile on my face
Satisfaction and happiness embraced

You are the ONE

You are the man that I dreamed about as a little girl
The man I fantasized about in my mind
You are the man I have been searching my whole life for
The man I thought I'd never find
You caught me off guard
I had stopped searching
After searching long and hard
To find someone nurturing
I thought you didnt really exist
I thought you were just a figment of my imagination
When our eyes met I couldnt resist
I knew it wasnt infatuation
I knew that very moment you were the "ONE"
The one I would share with the rest of my life
You left me stunned
Especially when you asked me to be your wife
I know that this is real
I know that this is true love
Anything that comes our way
I know we can deal
Your sincerity makes you stand above
Your loyalty is profound
Your love is unconditional
Your warmth surrounds
Your love is  not restrictional
You are that special someone that I have been waiting for
We finally found each other
You are the one that I adore
I dont ever want to recover
You go that extra step to give me so much more
You love and accept me for me
You never criticize
You listen to what I have to say, communication is the key
You have me mesmerized
If I am wrong, I never want to be right
I want to keep this feeling live
I know that everyone will have that occasional fight
Making you the happiest is what I strive
Thank you
For loving me
And always being true
Thank you baby
I will always give you respect that is due
I will always love you and be true

Senseless

Senseless

As the round of shots rang out
I heard her scream and shout
Then I heard another round shatter
Bodies scattered
No longer able to scream
Lost hopes and dreams
Lives lost
For what cost
Senseless crimes
Influencing young kids minds
Thats all they know
All they have been shown
When do you get used to hearing the sirens
When do you get used to guns firing
Futures no longer reflected
Senseless acts of crime expected

True Importance

We are allowing life to take over
Defining what's urgent
Instead of prioritizing
For what's reall important
Life's petty obligations
Really dont matter
Why stress over the unimportant
Take time to enjoy this life
Live out your purpose here
Take the gifts that God has given
And use them for their true purpose
Bless others just as He has blessed you
Even when we dont understand
Obey and have faith in His plan
Even if we dont like it
We are exactly where we are supposed to be
Enjoy this moment in time
Savor the beauty and blessings in front of us
Learn the lessons provided
Allow your home to be your sanctuary
Block out the troubles of the world
Make time for what's truly important
Take time to reflect
Listen and hear His instructions
Dont allow life to cloud your hearing
Envision the path that has been provided

Thank You-Prayer

Thank you Lord for continously blessing our lives
Thank you for opening our eyes
To your promises and guarantees
Thank you for putting our troubles and worries at ease
Please give us strength to bear adversities
Fill us with the Word that accompanies
Your love and grace
Our hunger for your knowledge embraced
Thirst for your spirit overcomes
Guiding us to being the best we can become
Teaching us your Word as it empowers
Your glory and love continuously showers
Cleansing away our sins
Continue to walk with us as our journey begins
Help us overcome the devils constant attack
Fill us with the confidence we currently lack
Thank you again Lord for always having our back
Thank you for keeping our lives on track
Even when we thought we didnt have the strength to continue
Thank you for your love that always renews
Thank you Lord, Thank you

In Jesus name Amen

Faith

Why do we worry and stress
Instead of awaiting God to bless

We make choices that have consequences
Blaming Him for our mistakes is our greatest offense

Why do we fight against His will
Instead of trusting His Word to instill

Faith that everything will work out just as its supposed to
And not always when and how we want it to

We need to learn how to let go
And realize that He is the One that is in control

All He asks for is our love and obedience
Pray at the altar with faith and confidence

Live out our purpose here in this life
And He guarantees us eternal life

With inner peace and unconditional love
Just build a personal relationship with God above

His Word-Friday 55

His Word

The Word feeding my soul
Emptiness fulfilled
Thirst for knowledge being quenched
Like my spirit is hungry
I can feel my wounds healing slowly
My pain is resting in His hands
My faith strengthening
For "It is written"
Assurance guaranteed
On bended knee
Releasing my heart to Him
In its entirety
Fully submitting
Openly loving Him

God's Gift

Life is the most precious gift
Treat it as such and do your best to uplift

Stop wasting time in sorrow
There will always be tomorrow

To make a fresh start
And ease your heart

God is in control
Have trust in Him as His love consoles

Enjoy each moment as if it is your last
Once the time is past

You can never get it back
So make sure happiness is intact

You only get one lifetime
So make it worth each and every dime

Keep loved ones close
And be sure to thank God first and foremost

(c) copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Baptismal

Good Morning All!  I wrote this yesterday about my experience being Baptized with my daughters!  This experience was beyond words, but I did my best to capture my feelings at the time.  Last spring I decided to renew my commitment with God, and my daughters also expressed the same intrest.  So we were Baptized last April together!  I am still so proud of my girls.  They have been on the honor roll for years, but this semester my oldest got straight A's-Her GPA is 4.12 and she recieved a plaque :)  That will look good on her college applications next year :)

Repenting our sins
Our walk with Him begins

His glory within us resides
Grasping the wholeness He provides

Taking His extended invite
We are dressed in all white

As my body is dipped into His holy waters
I commit my life to Him beside my daughters

With His holy spirit, I feel renewed
Arising from the waters, the reformed me debuted

My daughters followed my lead
What a tear-filled honor indeed

I stood next to them while thier bodies were submerged and purified
In His name, we glorify

We now see the world with different eyes
Our spirit and soul has now been Baptized

You're Not Ready...

Good Morning All!  I wrote this back in 2005, I am not currently feeling this way...I hope everyone had a great weekend!  I finally caught up on my rest...

You’re not ready for the depths of my love
And all it consists thereof

You’re not ready to let go
And truly discover love at its plateau

You’re still not ready to leave those others alone
When you’ve been offered the crown to my king’s throne

With every desire and fantasy fulfilled
And long years of bliss as our foundation continued to build

You’re not ready for a lifetime of pure and true happiness
Ending all disappointments and any emptiness

The memories we have made I will continue to relive
Because you’re still not ready for the love I have inside to give

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Precious Life

Good Morning All!  I wrote and posted this back in June 2008.

God Bless ALL!  God is sooo amazing.  He has been sending me messages and I have been paying attention.  In public I smile always, always completmented on my smiling all time...Even if I am upset, depressed or stressin.  My smile is sorta my defense...My way of keeping people out...I got my taxes back recently and took care of mostly everything I needed to take care of, and actually spent more than I really should have, but not friviously on stuff needed.  And there is more stuff that I really needed to take care of but was unable to.  So the past few days I have been trying to figure out how I was going to have enough for gas to get to work and all that.  My co worker JUST walked up to me and said "The Holy Spirit told me that you needed 20 dollars" handed me a 20 and walked away.  Mind you, no one knew that I was stressing over money.  Thank You Jesus!!

Life is so precious
It is something that should never be neglected

Savor each moment
As it is your last momentum

Every second that is past
Treat is as your last

Cherish time spent
Everything has something to represent

Take time and notice the small things
And see what it brings

Once the time is gone
There is no recalling

Always remember as you climb
God only gives us one lifetime

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Impaired

I wrote this in August but still feeling the same way...I am hoping to break this cycle. I am still oh so confused...But I am choosing not to make a decision and letting nature takes its course....Whatever happens, I will be cool with. Whatever is meant, will be and I am comfortable with that.


I hope that everyone is doing well and if there is snow where you are, I hope you are making it thru the best you can. I know I am about sick of this dang snow and more is coming this weekend :( I mean the states had enough time to clean these snow mounds up, but no we still have no lanes or disappearing lanes, parking is CRAZY or nonexistent....Traffic, I dont even wanna go there...It took me 2 hours to get home yesterday (Double my normal drive time) half the time I was held up by snow plows so I couldnt complain about that....But this snow STILL in this road is causing traffic to back up, ridicuoulsly...and people walking OMG PLEASE stay OUT the street or at least move when a car comes...I realize aint no sidewalks but if I am driving on ice/snow, I am NOT stopping...You either get out my way or get hit  LOL...Seriously tho...

Thoughts consuming my mind
Memories always remind

Of pain and grief
My heart stolen like a thief

Only to be hurt every time
Even after the wedding bells chimed

Every man I have ever given my heart to
Expected me to subdue

And accept treatment given
The torment cannot be forgiven

I am trying to forgive myself
And put this pain up on the shelf

But I am still unable to give my all
It’s only the nightmares I recall

Too scared to let the right one in
Can’t shake my feelings within

Blocking my future blessings
Constantly depressing

In a state of seclusion
Continuous confusion

Will I ever find inner peace
And allow the love inside to release

To the one deserving of my heart
Will this pain ever depart

Having faith in my belief
Praying for absolute relief

I feel broken and hopelessly in despair
I have declared myself love impaired

© copyright Tue Aug 11 8:20:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Confused

Not sure what I want
State of confusion haunts
Not sure which way I should turn
Is this a lesson to be learned
What is it that I am searching for
I am not quite sure
I just know that I haven’t found a solution
Is there a possible resolution
At times I just want to scream
Wishing this was just a dream
But that wouldn’t help
This stress is compromising my health
Why do I let things get to me
Why do I let it affect me relentlessly
What would be the best
For me, when will it come together so I can rest
So now I contemplate
Hoping the choice I make wont be a mistake
Not having a clue
Confused and not sure what to do

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Valentine

Good Morning All!  I am alive and unburried myself out of the CRAZY snow...They said that the DMV got 55.9 inches of snow WTF...I took some pics below of the snow in my apt complex.  This is my stairs and parking lot.  I took these Sunday, but honestly there has been NO improvement since.  My stairs STILL look like this...I just know I dont wanna be at work :( but I am tired of being in the house...I been in the house since last FRIDAY...Before the first snow storm hit, then we got hit with another right behind that.  I swear if I dont ever see another snow flake again as long as I live I would be happy :) I did start a poem friday about the snow but after being stuck in the house I lost the mood to finish.  It wouldnt have been joyful :) 

TGIF I hope that everyone enjoys thier Valentines Day Weekend, I will be back online Tuesday. I wrote this VDay poem about 4 years back...enjoy :)  I went out shopping yesterday and got my daughters Valentines gifts :)

Valentine


Valentine’s is a day to show the ones you love how much you care
A time that all the love inside should be shared

This should also be continued each and every day after
I hope your days are filled with love and laughter

Just wanted to let you know on this day, you are on my mind
With you I desire quality time

I want to learn everything about you
Reflecting on ways to please you, tease you, and love you

Hoping that you never drift afar
I hope your Valentines Day is as special as you are

Happy Valentine’s Day Baby!!!


I am gonna borrow this from http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com/

Name: Jennifer / JStar
Makes me happy: My daughters bring joy into my heart
Live where? Temple Hills, MD
Makes me sad: Failure
Favorite blog: http://sweeterpoetry.blogspot.com/
My own blog: http://msjstar1275.blogspot.com/
Favorite food: Seafood
Favorite look: I like the Victoria Beckham look…I had the style but grew it out
Life story: I am 34 year old, single mother of two teenage daughters (16 and 13). I enjoy writing poetry, short stories and novels. In my spare time I read.

Now, your turn...


© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Proposal- Friday’s 55

Good Morning All!!  I wrote this 55 yesterday just to be ready for the G-Man :) 

The words escaped his mouth “I am ready to claim you as mine”
He moved the hair draping my neckline

Forehead kisses ever so gently
Expressed his love relentlessly

It’s time we share the love held inside
What was yearned for is now supplied

He knelt on bended knee
And proposed his love for me

Cant Let Go...

I just can’t seem to let you go
The love inside me continuously flows

You consume my every emotion and inner thoughts
The thought of losing you has me very distraught

Lying in this empty bed missing the warmth of your body next to mine
Making love to you, feeling our emotions intertwine

The strength of your arms embodying me
Allowing our hearts to agree

And give in to this love that we have created
These feelings felt have been long awaited

I just can’t walk away from this love that I feel
My true emotions can never be fully concealed

Listen and feel my hearts silent plea
Letting go of you, would be like letting go of a part of me

Baby, you are to me; my love’s plateau
Experience my love within and never let it go



© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Stalker

I don’t know why some people can’t take no for an answer
I guess the thrill of the chase is the enhancer

You’re not man enough for me
I don’t care how much you beg and plea

Will you just leave me alone
Your reasons are unknown

Haven’t you hurt me enough
My road is already tough

With the hurt you already put me through
Now you’re sabotaging my happiness with your untruths

You didn’t treat me right when you had me
The abuse was a guarantee

That you will never have my heart
I wish your existence in my life would depart

Why can’t you just let me go
I don’t want you, you already know

Let me live my life in peace
And allow all this pain inside to release

From you, I just want to be free
Will you please stop stalking me

© copyright Tue Aug 17 7:11:00 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Chances

We didn’t realize or appreciate what we had until it was gone
We used lack of communication as a pawn

We weren’t honest with ourselves much less each other
You were more than just my lover

I hold very intense love for you in my heart
My heart aches every moment we are apart

I thoroughly enjoy time spent with you
Your love I can’t bear to forever loose

I have given my heart and taken a chance on love
I only wish our problems could be reconciled and our love can rise above

Friday's 55

He stole my heart like a thief in the night
I was open and couldn’t put up a fight

Trust overcame
Love has been proclaimed

Happiness is guaranteed
Monogamy agreed

Communication prevents misunderstandings
Although disagreements sting

They can be worked through
Into love we can again subdue

Making up is the best
Our hearts impressed

Wishing

I miss you
Wish I could kiss you

Love you
Take care of you

I wish I could be with you
Expressing my love ever so true

The pain consumes me
and runs ever so deep

As long as we are apart
Nothing will ever mend my broken heart

It is hard living
without my heart giving

All of the love inside me
To my one and only true love for all the world to see

You will always be within me
No matter where life takes us you will forever be apart of me

Souls interlaced
Hearts locked in this race

Of life, not knowing where we are going to land
In your arms is where I am now banned

But dream of each day of my life
Wishing I was your wife

Living happily ever after
No more tears, only laughter

I really wish I could be with you
I truly miss you

I love you with all my heart and soul!!!!

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Inevitable

Around you I feel at home
Eager to turn each stone

I can be me, with no acts to fake
No impressions I need to make

With you, I am in my comfort zone
The undeniable love and trust set the tone

There is just about nothing we don’t know about each other
Yet, there is still more to learn about one another

When we met at the movie theater that day
I was numb and my mouth couldn’t form the words I wanted to say

When it was made known it was my number you wanted
We had no idea the bond being confronted

I looked in those eyes and had to have you
The closer we got, I became to love you

As teenagers, we were best friends
You became someone that I grew to depend

As adults, we missed our chances but became lovers
It’s good our secrets were never discovered

You are that someone that I could never let go
That one that always had my heart even when no one could know

Now life brings us another chance
To heighten things above this romance

I can no longer contain the uncontrollable
I am tired of running from the inevitable

© copyright Wed Jan 27 6:22:19 UTC 2010 - All Rights Reserved

Believe

Unable to sleep, tossing and turning
Soul on fire and constantly burning

Thoughts and drama consuming
Fears and worries slowly resuming

Feeling totally frustrated
Anger being illustrated

Nothing being accomplished
Sanity being diminished

Wishing I would have prevented
And first of all repented

Prayer could have preserved
Energy could have been conserved

So, why stress over what cannot be controlled
Be patient and watch what unfolds

Everything is a part of His ultimate plan
Continue to trust, even if we don’t understand

Believe in His word and subdue
Things will work out as they are supposed to

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Rainbow

Note:Repost

Good Morning All!  I had a revaltion at church yesterday about the situation I posted the other day about my man and female friend....My minister testified and her words touched my heart and made me realize that I am human....That I was in my thought process reverting back to my old way of thinking allowing doubt in my heart and my mind to play tricks on me...I am truthfully glad the two people that I love very much can be friends, thats important and will be more so when our relationship reaches other levels....I am ok now :)  and comfortable with my relationship and friendship with my very close friend.  I KNOW they would never do anything to hurt me...So I have let that jealousy go....

Well since its a nasty rainy day, I thought I would post this poem inspired by my daughter.

Life continuously throws us down bumpy roads
Pain takes over and implodes

We make mistakes over and over again
But we have to know when to say when

Learn how to overcome
Not allowing ourselves to succumb

To drama and dismay
Never being led astray

Once the rain clears
The beautiful rainbow appears

Note: This poem was inspired by my daughter Tanaesha, she came up with "No Rain, No Rainbow" This poem is to explain her phrase's purpose...

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Loneliness

I am so tired of being alone
Tired of feeling like I am on my own

Tired of waking up to an empty bed
Wondering what’s ahead

My standards are high as ever
But I don’t want to be by myself forever

I want to feel the feeling of love
An no longer the lack thereof

I want someone to share my thoughts and dreams
Nothing is ever how it seems

Being alone does has its benefits
But it also has its limits

I miss being made love to all night
And all those feelings that excite

I miss hearing the words “I love you”
That kind of love that makes you feel brand new

But I am not willing to accept just anything
Definitely not looking for a meaningless fling

Been there, done that many times before
But my feelings I can no longer ignore

Lately I have constantly pushed good men away
Terrified of being betrayed

I know I need to let my guards down some
Or I will allow my loneliness to succumb

© copyright Tue Oct 1 7:40:00 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

I Still Want You...

I want you to kiss me passionately like you used to
I want to see you smile again when I am in your view

I want to feel the passion we once knew
I want to forget the troubles we have been through

I want sleepless nights next to you
I want our love to feel brand new

I want ecstasy to the fullest pursued
I want to feel safe to subdue

I want you to completely hold me within you
Feeling your love inside is long overdue

I want our love’s strength to always anew
Baby I still love and want only you…

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Someone...

I want unconditionally…

Someone that tells and shows me how special I am to them
Someone that will make sure I am ok before he is worried about him
Someone who unconditionally loves me for me
Someone who encourages me to be everything I can be
Someone who for no reason brings me flowers
Someone who believes in unconditional love and its true powers
Someone who listens and truly cares how I feel
Someone who is patient and will comfort me as I heal
Someone who is man enough to tell me no
Someone who is secure enough to allow his love to clearly show
Someone who will treat me like a woman should
Someone who will jump hoops to do all he could
Someone that makes you want to rush home to
Someone nightly to make love to
Someone to hold me at night
Someone who no longer wants to argue and fight
Someone who would never put his hands on me
Someone who wouldn’t dream of cheating and only desires me
Someone that can’t imagine their life without me
Someone who is prepared to stand on bended knee

Does this man exist?
Is this too much to ask?

I am prepared to give the same in return and then some…

© copyright Tue Jan 12 6:55:19 UTC 2010 - All Rights Reserved

Free

I wrote and posted this back in July...

Sometimes I just want to be alone
To be invisible and unknown

In my own little space
No one to chase

No one around
Completely quiet, hearing no sounds

Not dealing with anyone’s attitude
Not having to show anyone gratitude

Just free to be me
No rules and no guarantee

Feeling only my own thoughts and dreams
No one hearing my inner screams

Dealing with self first and foremost
Mind escaping into the unknown, curtains finally closed

Going anywhere my heart desires
Feeding my soul with what it requires

Just completely loving me
Being free to just be me…

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Discovery

Good Morning All!  I wrote and posted this back in August...Kinda goes with my New Year theme :)  I know I need to write something fresh...Not sure why I cant seem too...I havent even written in my journal since before Christmas...


Lying in my bed listening to the rain drops
Wishing they would never stop

Not wanting to leave these covers
Hiding and not wanting to be discovered

Enjoying being alone
Everything else can be postponed

Taking personal quality time
Not worrying about deadlines

Completely focused on me
And what it is that I need

Actually loving me in totality
Door knocks bring me back to reality

Ignoring everyone else
Only going by my own impulse

Being alone is actually not that bad
No one to get on my nerves and make me mad

Relaxing with everyone out of reach
Listening to my own inner speech

Not depending on anyone’s guarantee
Discovering that I do really love me

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Me

I wrote this poem in the 90's but it goes with how I am feeling at this moment...Trying again to turn over a new leaf...lol...I hope that everyone had a safe, blessed New Years celebration...I stayed in and watch NY's ball drop and went fast asleep mins after :)

I am not like anyone you have ever met
But I am someone you may never forget

I take things as they come
I make sure the job gets done

At times I may cause unnecessary stress
But don’t worry it is just a test

I am a very thoughtful person
I like to discuss the problem from the start before things worsen

I don’t have time and energy for drama
Treat me like you would treat your momma

That should be with the utmost respect
Always come correct

I am very strong
I have been done wrong

I have been through too much in my life
I am still here despite

I will not tolerate ignorance
I love to keep you in suspense

I stand up for what I believe
I have many goals I plan to achieve

I am very sincere in my efforts
I am consistent in my endeavors

I am honest and open-minded
I do not walk around blinded

I see the people for what they are
I appreciate the bizarre

I am very dedicated and loyal
Myself I love to spoil

Take time to get to know me before you judge
I will always be there to give you that nudge

I don’t need anyone or anything to define
What flows through my spine

I will always be me
That I can guarantee

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

For Sale

This is the end of this horrible decade, so I am riding my heart from the horrors that still haunt me...I wrote this in third person because even writing it I still had yet to admit this...Actually I have never admitted it to anyone other than in this poem...

Jobless and homeless
Nowhere to turn
Not sure what to do
Her kids need to eat
And need a place to sleep
No one to help
Feeling completely alone
Only decision that is feasible
Giving up her kids
For now at least
Hungry, cold and confused
Desperation takes over
Standing on a DC street corner
Praying no one stops
But then brake lights shine
A white car stops, pricing discussed
Not offering enough
But she is desperate and accepts
As she sat in the seat next to him
Terror took over her thoughts
Reliving previous rapes as an adolescent
Wishing she never got in the car
But it’s too late now
He is asking questions but she can’t hear
They stop in an alley
She wants this to hurry up and be done
She pulls down her pants just enough for him to enter
Makes sure he uses the condoms she brought
Doesn’t trust him at all
Bends over and tells him only from the back
So she doesn’t have to see his face
Thank God it was over fast
Pulls up her pants and walks away into the night
Feeling dirty and raunchy
Tears flowing down her cheeks
When her boyfriend finds her
He tells her to get in the car
Then yanks her out by her hair
Earrings fly across the pavement
Beats her repeatedly with rage in his eyes
He was someone that she never knew
He takes the money she just sold her soul for
Alone in the shower for nearly 4 hours
Trying to wash away the filth
But it still remains within her soul
Memories will haunt for decades

Addiction

Ok, this is also something from this decade that I am healing from so this is my second post today...With this poem.  This started the downward spiral in my life...Then the Homelessness and I will follow with my other deep scar next...

I will post somethign my girl Tiff just sent me :)

The worst thing is holding on to someone who doesn't want to be held on to. Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you. The thing about falling in love is that if you do it right, you'll never hit the ground. Life is too short to be anything but happy. So kiss slowly. Love deeply. Forgive quickly. Take chances & never have regrets. Forget the past but remember what it taught you. Sometimes, you just have to smile, pretend everything's okay, hold back the tears and walk away. If you want to see the rainbow you must go through the rain. If you want TRUE LOVE you must go through the pain. Women were made from a man's rib, not from his head to be superior, not from his feet to be walked on, but from his side to be equal, from under the arm to be protected, and from next to the heart to be loved.

Mind focused on one thing only
While your wife is at home sick of being lonely

All responsibilities are out the door
Her cries you again ignore

You will do whatever you have to do
Any lies you can construe

Nothing or no one else is more essential
Losing all self worth and potential

Stealing the kids toys and bikes
Hurting her with each continuous strike

Selling your soul with each puff of the pipe
Polluting your mind with each line you swipe

Either death or prison awaits
Only God can determine your fate

Prison takes you away from everyone
The pain you have caused cannot be undone

Now you have taken a life in sorrow
All your dreams and hopes of tomorrow

Will be lived behind those bars
Your family will continue to feel the scars

Your addiction left behind
Memories of torture to remind

Pain endured will last a lifetime
You’re not the only one paying for your crime

You’re addiction affected everyone around you
And broke the hearts of the one’s who truly love you

© copyright Tue Aug 10 10:20:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Homeless

I wrote and posted this back in August, but since I am attempting to let go of my past in order to move toward my future I want to post about the bad so that I can be thankful for where I am now going into this New Year.  I am still no where near where I want to be in my life and feeling a bit unsatisfied...So, this is a reminder of what I went through just 3 years ago...And this only scratched the surface...

I just received this message from a very good friend :) Love ya Tiff...I just thought I'd share!!!

There comes a point n ur life when u realize: Who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, an who always will, so dont worry about people from the past, there is a reason they didnt make it 2 ur future

It all started when my marriage crumbled into ashes
My life went crashing

I had no idea what was about to transpire
Distress got me fired

Life turning upside down
So called friends are nowhere to be found

Had to make the hardest decision
Sending my children to daddy was more than I could envision

Endured unimaginable affliction
Starting all from the first eviction

Living place to place was not where they needed to be
Sleeping and eating daily was not a guarantee

No one showed me compassion
Generosity only came in rations

Times got desperate
Keeping mind and body separate

As I did things I never thought I could do
Putting myself in situations I wish no one had to ever go through

I learned no one truly cares
Except the Man above, who I send my tearful prayers

Had to learn how to humble myself and set my pride aside
Having faith that He will always provide

All along He heard my silent plea
After I learned my lessons He started blessing me

Sending me in the direction I needed to succeed
Gaining the strength to proceed

He carried me through the horrors of the streets
My fears I have no choice but to defeat

© copyright Tue Aug 11 9:00:02 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Let Me Love You

We’ve had our share of ups and downs
At times we thought we couldn’t get through together
Saying goodbye is all to familiar heartbreaking sounds
But your love still grazes my heart as calming as a feather
We’ve attempted to walk away time after time
But the love we share is out of our control
Any rough mountain with you I am willing to climb
You hold the only key to my inner soul
These feelings are deeper than we thought possible
Still we keep our guards up, ready and armed
Instead we need to completely give in to the impossible
Take cover within one another and completely unarm
I guarantee I would satisfy every need or desire
Want for nothing because I am all yours for the taking
I can provide you with ANYTHING you require
To fulfill your every fantasy my heart is aching
Just let go and let me completely love you
I promise you will have no regrets
Within our love we entirely subdue
Any disappointments you will soon forget
Baby, just let go and let me completely love you…

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Love

When I first meet you I wasn’t sure what would unfold
The chemistry we had could not go untold
As soon as we laid eyes on each other we connected
It was like when I looked in your eyes I saw my life reflected
I felt as if I couldn’t get enough
Of you, Like you were sent from above
I could feel your love up my spine
You were someone that I can spend all of my time
I just had to make you mine
Your body I desire
Your love sets my heart on fire
You are just what I needed in my life
My heart feels like a kite floating in the sky
You make me feel so good inside
Any instructions I can abide
You inside me is what I lust
Experiencing you is a must
Making love to you is like no other
You are the best lover
Friend and confidant that I could have asked for
I couldn’t have wished for more
We are so much alike it is unreal
My heart is yours to steal
Wonderful is the way you make me feel
You keep me flowing like a river
You make my body quiver
They way I feel is indescribable
Words do not give it justice, it is unbelievable
Anytime you need me look to your right, I will always be by your side
I am here for that long ride
Anything that comes our way we can handle
Our love will never go out like a candle
Anytime you feel like you need me just call
I will be there giving you my all
I love you boo
And will do anything for you


© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Mirror

As I look in the mirror at my reflection
I can only see my imperfections

Trying hard to point out the good within me
Discovering what others can clearly see

Searching my soul for my purpose here
Wanting my fears to just disappear

Gaining strength to fulfill my goals
Desiring again to feel complete and whole

Seeking out in my life what’s missing
Pushing past my thoughts constantly reminiscing

Overlooking nightmares haunting
Attempting to cease the persistent taunting

Wondering how my experiences can benefit others
Hoping my joy and pain can help another

Spreading my life through my words
Speaking my truths that were previously unheard

Looking past my physical appearance
Ignoring the usual interference

Exploring all possible resolutions
Not focusing on any other conclusions

Making my place in this universe
Sending all negative energy into reverse

My destination route is now clearer
Double checking my reflection in the mirror

© copyright Wed Oct 14 7:51:00 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Free

Sometimes I just want to be alone
To be invisible and unknown

In my own little space
No one to chase

No one around
Completely quiet, hearing no sounds

Not dealing with anyone’s attitude
Not having to show anyone gratitude

Just free to be me
No rules and no guarantee

Feeling only my own thoughts and dreams
No one hearing my inner screams

Dealing with self first and foremost
Mind escaping into the unknown, curtains finally closed

Going anywhere my heart desires
Feeding my soul with what it requires

Just completely loving me
Being free to just be me…

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Beauty

Fresh hair cut and color; make up looking fierce
Eyes deep enough to pierce

My fresh black pumps with the newly manicured toes out
Looks are deceiving; inside I am overcoming self doubt

Tight, sexy dark blue jeans with the red low cut top
Making all the on-looking men’s jaw drop

Cute baby face on the outside
But who wants to really know the complete inside

Short in height and small in frame
Does anyone care what’s really in my brain

Focused and professional, but always real
When will someone truly care how I really feel

Smiling face in front of the others
Can we truly trust one another

Not impressed unless they can really connect mentally
And not only for satisfaction that only last’s momentarily

The eyes are the key to ones soul
Look deep inside that person and see their true role

Everyone in life is not for keeps
Every night I singly sleep

Choosing not to settle for less than I deserve
My full heart I have chosen to reserve

It’s not in my physical description, but what’s in my heart
My inner beauty is my true work of art

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Feeling Love

I am very confusing and emotional
But my love to the fullest is purely unconditional

If you can see past my inner fears
Look deeper inside, things aren’t always as they appear

Trust is something I still have a hard time believing in
Still feeling so much pain within

Never thinking I was good enough to be loved in return
Loving me is something I had to relearn

Allowing someone in my heart again
Brings up fears that are hard to explain

Just wrap your arms around me and hold on tight
At times I may need reassurance that everything is alright

Be patient as I learn how to love once more
While our love to the fullest we explore

Your love to me almost seems unreal
Assist me while I am learning to feel

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

My Sunrise

Your love is like the sunrise
Being there indefinite is not a compromise
Like the water fall
So elegant and pouring you it’s all
Like an ocean
Not always smooth but deep with emotion
Like a rose
With time matures and grows
Like a mountain
Strong and never doubting
Like a river
Continuously flowing, making me quiver
Like a flower
Beautiful and ready to empower
Like a beach
Relaxing with destination out of reach
Like the clouds
It’s presence is endowed
Like a Lion and cub
Secure, safe and always filled with love
Like a home
Stable, domesticated and never alone

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Kiss

Kiss me like you never have before
My reservations and hesitations totally ignore

I know I haven’t allowed myself to completely let go
Allowing emotions to reach its plateau

I have been scared to give in
Terrified to truly begin

Kissing you takes things to a new height
Setting a blaze my fears to ignite

Trusting you entirely
Releasing to you my heart in its entirety

Unleashing feelings never felt
While insecurities continue to melt

Demonstrate without words but with actions
Not allowing for any distractions

Feeling again that pure love actually exists
All of these feelings set free just by your loving kiss

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Distance

The love I feel for you is more than just lust
Even though there are miles of roadway between us

Your love comforts when distance prevails
Depths once thought impossible are now unveiled

We are now again oceans apart
But in your hands you hold the only key to my heart

Whatever comes our way we can transcend
Before we became lovers we began as friends

Our years of friendship has made loving you instinctive
Spending time around you now is purely seductive

I wish I could have you every second of everyday
Since that is impossible today

I will be patient as I prove my love to you
No matter how long it takes, no matter what we have to go through

Our love is in existence
Nothing changes except a little distance

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Devotion

I am not fakin this time around
My feelings for you are deep and profound

I know I hurt you not just once but more than twice
When your love will always suffice

I am ready to give you all of me
Not half or a fraction, ALL of me

You are someone I could commit the rest of my life to
For you there is nothing I wouldnt do

When I am around you my heart skips a beat
My body goes numb from my head to my feet

Nothing else matters, as if time is standing still
Wanting this feeling to last from now until

Forever and a day
Words cant possibly relay all that my heart wants to say

My actions will show my hearts true emotions
To you I pledge my undying devotion

© copyright Wed Dec 09 6:32:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVE (My step father)

Awaken

His touch awakens, as a breath of fresh air
His kiss evokes feelings deep
Way beyond a casual affair
With my heart at ease, comes peaceful sleep
His heart soothes inner fears
His eyes confirm sincerity
Wiping away stains left from trails of tears
Walls tumbling, leaving room for prosperity
His personality completely comforts, emotions ignite
His hands guide in new undiscovered directions
Withstanding disagreements, previews a different light
Willingly demonstrates truth behind affections
His voice fills my ears, profoundly outspoken
Words don’t give justice to an unwritten lyric
With him, love prevails the unspoken
His love fully awakens my spirit

Miles Away

Even though you are miles away
My heart only feels the love we share
Our love is powerful and here to stay
I will always feel how much you care

You are within my soul, every fiber in my being
The connection we share is undeniable
We have our problems that were not foreseen
But our love is always reliable

We are worth fighting for
Whatever it takes
Whatever God has in store
No matter how high the stakes

We can surpass, as long as we have each other
The world is our play ground
No one can put us under
Even as problems mound

We will find a way
Hold onto what we have, just don’t give up
And the benefits will come as they may
We have more on our side than luck

I miss you, and will be here
For you no matter what, no matter how long
Because our love will do the steering
There is no way we can go wrong

God will provide us with more
Just learn the lessons that are in store

I wish you weren’t miles away
But this is God’s way

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Trance

At work unable focus on the phone, I’m in my own little zone
Whatever they are talking about is unknown

My mind is in a trance
Focused on last nights romance

I am still feeling your love immersing my pores
My soul kissing yours

The sensual touch of your ecstasy
Bringing reality to our fantasies

Your kisses floating my senses
Naturally your love leaves me defenseless

My hearts pain you completely console
Your love seeping the depths of my heart and soul

My senses redefined and enhanced
Your love locks me in a total trance

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Emotional Collision

The sound of your voice sends chills up my spine
These feelings inside love defines

Your touch is always a comforting guide
These emotions are like waves about to collide

The scent of you relaxes my senses
And shuts down all the barriers to my defenses

Pure ecstasy soothes my inner soul
My body moves to the music only you can control

Acting out what is felt and not scripted
Like our own language of love has been secretly encrypted

Creating the décor of our personal nirvana
You are my relaxant, better than anyone’s marijuana

Relax and close your eyes; enjoy this as our personal eclipse
Kissing you feels like Heaven piercing through my hips

Embrace as one; our souls adhere
Feel my love immersing into your atmosphere

Pure satisfaction is more than you could ever envision
Conceive within you, and embrace this emotional collision

Of true and unconditional love…

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Eclipse

My heart feels like the moon in an eclipse
Craving your kisses on my lips

Remembering the feelings felt picking you up from the airport
Heart pounding like a ball on the basketball court

Your hugs as comforting as a nice warm blanket
Right at that moment my heart flagged a sign that read TAKEN

Every second with you felt as if time stopped
All of my guards immediately dropped

Years of anticipation
Defining my hearts dedication

The second I left your presence
The reassurance of your eyes now in absence

I started doubting myself and constantly analyzing
Debating if this was real or was I just fantasizing

Was it possible for you to love me as you said
But I feel as if I have awakened from the dead

I was terrified of being hurt again
My wounds still had yet to mend

I still remember the pain
When you left to catch the plane

In fear I pushed you away time after time
But I couldn’t run from what had already been defined

My love for you runs deep within
To places no one else has ever been

I am unable to let go
Now I am ready to go all out and allow my love to clearly show

I am ready to prove my loyalty to you
And demonstrate to you that my love is true

I want to no longer reminisce
My heart is now ready to shine through this eclipse

© copyright Tue Nov 30 6:58:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

This Time...

Right now my sailor is on a ship
Wishing you were close enough so I could get a grip

Deep into your soul
Years ago my heart you stole

Working together everyday
But our spouses we didn’t want to betray

Your eyes gripping my soul with that smile
My heart pounding all the while

Lusting to wake each day next to you
The roughest times in my life you helped me through

Years have passed but our love and friendship have remained
The deep feelings we have for each other cannot be explained

We now have the chance to explore
True love to its core

Time gave us this chance
And is now allowing us to advance

To depths we only dreamed of
To find out if this is really love

Now that I can claim you as mine
Our hearts can now intertwine

I cannot wait until I feel your arms surrounding me
Turning this love up to the next degree

Now we have a chance to define
These feelings that have grown only stronger over time

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Scarred

Unable to trust
Scorned
Cant move beyond lust
Unforgiving
Always skeptical
Tired of giving
Game detectable
Heart torn
Wanting love felt
My heart mourns
Playing cards that are dealt
Unable to give all of me
My love lies enclosed
Unable to set free
True feelings not disclosed
Scarred
Scorned
Unable to trust…

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Honest Scrap Award

Honest Scrap Award  (Ok, I dont quite know how to make the picture visible, so here is the link)

I've received the Honest Scrap Award twice on November 6, 2009, from 2 very talented Bloggers!

http://mydownlowlife.blogspot.com/  (Check her recently published book, you will be addicted!!!)

http://lyricalthoughtz.blogspot.com/

Check their blogs out, very intense writing! 
Thank you! Its an honor!

Ok 10 things about me:

1. My favorite color is purple.
2. I am still scared of the dark :)
3. I have always been scared to share my poetry and writings because I never thought I was any good.  Also, because its my heart and experiences on paper.  My brother stole my diary when I was a young teenager and showed my mom. I got in trouble and didnt write anything for 12 years.  Then I started writing again and not sharing.  I just started sharing when I started this blog, because its easy to share behind a computer and get feed back from people you will never see.  And I have yet to edit anything that I have written because it was emotional enough to write. So, exuse anything that doesnt flow right or mis spellings.
4. My daughters are my inspiration and keep me pushing forward.
5. I have been married and divorced twice.  My daughters have the same father, my first husband for 9 years. Then married again from a 6 year in total relationship.
6. I have always been a quiet person about my feelings but very social.  I am the type of person that gets along with everyone but still keeps that wall up, not to make anyone even notice.
7. I am a sagittarius, My birthday is December 7th.  I have always said that is why I am such an emotional person, because I was born on such a tragic day.  I feel being emotional makes me a better writer, so I guess it all works out in my favor.  Like my purpose in life is to share a message of comfort to others by sharing my experiences.
8. I am addicted to CSI and Law and Order.
9. I really have a boring life.  I go to work and come home.  I would much rather be at home comfortable and relaxed then to go out.
10. I am a small person :) I am 102 lbs, and 5'3.

Ok, enough about me.


I am going to now award the Honest Scrap Award to the following talented writers:

CONGRATS!!!
 
1. http://bornunknown.blogspot.com/
2. http://www.thedivasthoughts.com/
3. http://manwithapast1.blogspot.com/
4. http://dee-livinginsingleville.blogspot.com/
5. http://visionarybutterfly.blogspot.com/
6. http://depthpoet.blogspot.com/
7. http://writeinmotion.blogspot.com/
 
There were a few more that I could have also added...Check out their blogs, and see what they are talking about just as I do!!!

Real Happiness

Wishing there was something in my life REAL
Tired of the way I constantly feel

Never knowing what it feels like to be loved back
Always giving my all, but getting the same return is where I lack

When will I get back even half of what I give
Just heartache is what I constantly relive

I am the truest person you will ever meet
Why am I being given so much deceit

Why do I keep meeting the same type of people
With this I neal down at the steeple

Pray to God to change my life for the better
Writing down all of my feelings to the letter

Tired of being sick and tired
Stressing over what has transpired

I know real happiness has to be in store
I just can’t take life like this anymore

I deserve so much more
Pain and misery have been implored

I know my true happiness can only come from within
God is the only one else I can truly depend

Waiting for God to continue to bless
With TRUE and uplifting HAPPINESS…



© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Tasteless

My mouth is dry but I cannot quench my thirst
In a pool of thoughtlessness I am immersed

The world is going on around me
My inner screams are dying to be free

But I choose to remain allusive
Leaving my love and feelings for my own exclusive

Insecurities and heart entwined
Raging their own wars

Not allowing the other to win
And the other not willing to ever give in

Lost hopes and dreams
Are causing two extremes

Emotions remain unfazed
Inside my eternal love is about to set a blaze

But the one that deserves it has not revealed his face
So until he shows himself, I have removed my taste

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Moments

Each moment that passes and your arms I can’t feel around me
My heart mourns and I feel as if I can’t breath
I hold onto each happy memory, each kiss
Your warm embrace I miss

My heart and soul is with you each moment of each day
I am trying to express what my heart wants to say
I Love You today, yesterday and each day for the rest of my life
I am honored to be in your life

Challenge

I met him in 2002, being his supervisor on his part time job
He looked so good in his uniform
Being around him made me feel alive
He was there for me when I was going through it
With my now ex husband
His commitment to the Navy kept us apart for years
Then he got sent to VA Beach which was in driving distance
I drove there to pick him up from the airport
Even after the years had passed
My feelings for him came rushing back
We made love for the very first time
It felt so natural, like nothing I had experienced
But he didn’t know my past
I felt as if I weren’t good enough for him
So I pushed him away time and time again
But we couldn’t resist one another
The more I pushed him away
The closer I wanted to pull him to me
Around him I want to be a better person
So I pretended to be someone that I am not
I wasn’t sure if I could be the woman that he needed
Doubting myself and his love I pushed him away again
He got suspicious and did some research
Found out everything I was ashamed of
And didn’t want him to know about me
Each question brought from my lies
Brought back all my pain
All of the things I could never forgive myself for
He now knew it all
And he is the only person on this earth that knows
I should have been upset that he snooped
But in a way I was relieved
That someone else knew
Now I have to let go and move on
And as much as I tried to deny my love for him
He is all that I can think about
He is all that I want
Now he is not sure
That I am ready for what he has to offer
But I think I am ready to move on with my life
And stop allowing my insecurities control
I guess only time can tell
What life has in store
Now I am learning patience
Even though it’s hard to swallow
Since I am such an impulsive person
He challenges me and I think I need that in my life
To stay focused on the path that I desire
I think we could be good for each other
If I stop doubting myself
And allow myself to let go of my fears
Allow him to love me the way I need to be loved
I feel now I can give him the love that I feel inside
That has been buried so deep
That I wasn’t sure it actually existed
I am ready to stop running from love
Running from the demons that haunt my soul
I am ready to be happy
Truly happy, no longer pretending
Now my only challenge is letting go
And allowing true love to take over
My biggest challenge is showing him
That my love is true and I am ready to love him
The way he deserves