Alone

As the sun sets
The loneliness sets in
Lying alone
In this empty bed
Day dreaming
Of what I desire
Knowing for sure
What I dont want
Not settling for less
Than I deserve
With all that said
I am still alone

Storm

Winds gusting ferociously
Debris flying in circles
Rain pounding the pavement
Resembling rivers flowing downhill
Clouds suddenly darken
Lighting striking
Illuminating the sky
The fury is terrifying
Then as quickly as it came
It was gone
The sky brightens
To the most beautiful shade of blue
Robust white clouds
Allowing rays of sunlight through
Calmness arises
As if the fury never took place
Just as life
Throws us storms
The calmness prevails
And washes away yesterday
For today is a new day
We made it through yesterdays storms

Discipleship Graduation-Sistah's Pursuing Purpose

This past sunday was our graduation for our Discipleship Class, Part 1 :)  We took these pics are church following the graduation :)

I wrote two things last night but forgot them at home...I will share 2morrow....

All Grown Up

Look at my babi girls senior pics...I feel soooooo old :)  My Tanaesha is almost a grown woman.  This time next year she will be heading to college.  She wants to be a peditrician, and with her grades scholarships are going to come.  I should type one of her poems but dont have the time right now...

I hope that everyone has a good day

Doubt

Doubt

Doubting myself
Not sure if I am capable
Of loving
Another or myself
I see only my imperfections
How can someone else
Love me if I cant love myself
I am scared to give
Of my heart
And be hurt once more
Am I worthy of true love
Or am I just in love
With the idea of being loved
Am I worthy of someone
Looking past my imperfections
Wanting to heal my pains
Allowing me to cry
Holding me
When the nightmares consume
I desire to be loved
But terrified to let anyone in
I keep running
But I am tired
Tired of doubting

Tonight

You've waited patiently
For me to love you
The way you love me
At first I was scared
To open my heart and be hurt
But the gentle kisses on my neck
Relaxed my spirit
And allowed me to feel
To embrace the feeling of love
Being loved in return
Is the greatest feeling in the world
Its all I have ever wanted
I feel comfortable with you
Everything feels so right
All I ask is for you
To love me for me
And always be true
My love will fulfill
You're every need and desire
For the rest of our lives
I gave you my heart
And all that it entails
Treat it with care
My words were true
When I said that I love you
Because I gave you my heart tonight

Good Morning...I hope that everyone had a good weekend!  I didnt do too much...I hung out with Tanaesha and watched old movies :)  Yesterday I took her shopping and I saw this cute lil purple dress and couldnt resist.  I have NEVER worn a dress other than the two times I said I Do...I have really skinny legs and have always been self consious lol....Other than feeling half naked lol I feel ok today...So I thought i'd share...

I still havent written anything...I dont know...Just havent been inspired...

As you can tell...My favorite color is purple :) I cant resist anything purple in the store....

Myrtle Beach Pics and a tribute to my brother RIP Joe (WOW 14 yrs)

Good Morning All!  Here are a few pics that were taken in Myrtle Beach, I will post more later...Sorry I havent been able to visit anyones blog lately..I have been quite busy at work.

RIP Joe 3/17/71 - 7/9/96

Today is the anniversary of my brothers death.  He is gone but will NEVER be forgotten...I still cant believe its been 14 YEARS...My big brother was my EVERYTHING...He succumed to AIDS at the young age of 26 :(  I still have yet to scan a picture of him :(

Happy 14th Birthday Erika

Happy 14th Birthday Munckin!!!!

Although we are now enjoying our time in the sunny Myrtle Beach, I prescheduled this post!

I will return on Weds!

Beach Bound

Hello All!  I have been extremely busy this week and not able to post...I am leaving work in an hour to pack and run last minute errands before I go out of town....I wish everyone a safe and blessed holiday weekend!

Good News!  After an hour of giving the ladies insurance company my statement of what happened...They found her at fault and are paying for my repairs and a rental :)  Praise God!!!

Happy 17th Birthday Tanaesha

My babi girl is 17 today :)  WOW I feel so old lol....My youngest will be 14 this coming sat....Back to back I tell ya :)  We are celebrating their birthdays in Myrtle Beach when we visit my mom this weekend :)  I am off this friday and took off Tuesday.  I am soooo looking forward to my mini-vacation :)

Sorry for neglecting my poetry from everyone...I have been quite busy at work and do not have internet access or even a computer at home :(  I am not feeling all that great because I got into a car accident yesterday :(  Someone pulled out in front of me and I had no choice but to run right into her...My car is barely driveable and I am stiff and sore but Praise God, I am ok!

RIP Mike-Guest Poet Tanaesha Leak

RIP Mike!  I cant believe its been a year since you left us :(

Good Morning All!  I am posting this in memory of Michael Jackson.  The two poems below my daughter wrote last year about Mike.  I hope that everyone has a safe and blessed weekend!

Now I Realize

I know at first I seen you as such a bad person

Because thats the picture people painted in my head

So before you left I never really knew you and I never really cared

I just went by what people said

And now that you are gone

I realize your greatness

I realize your perfection

I realize your innocence

I realize your shyness

I realize that you cared for others

I realize that you had a heart

And I realize that deep down inside you were hurting

You were hurting because they made you seem as such a bad person

They made you paranoid about the way you looked

They took your pride

They took your childhood

And your manhood

They took away the ability for you to sleep at night

They made you into a person you were not

And someone you could never become

And at the end they were never happy

You told them to leave you alone

But they never listened

And now I realize how sweet of a person you were

Hopefully now they will leave you alone

You've Shown Me

You've shown me how to not be selfish

You've shown me that the world needs healing

You've shown me how to love outside of myself

You've shown me that prejudice is ignorance

You've shown me that they dont really care about us

You've shown me that you should never come second to none

You've shown me that sharing is the key to life

You've shown me how to respect someone even if you dont like them

You've shown me how to be a lover and not a fighter

You've shown me that not everyone is what they seem

You've shown me that through everything you are not alone

You've shown me all of this through your music

You've shown me a lot and we never personally met

By Tanaesha Leak

Forever Young

Forever Young

Dedicated to the life of Andrea Arnold

Our Heavenly Father needed His angel

We can search for reasons from every angle

And still never understand

His ultimate plan

Take comfort that she can no longer feel pain

Even though your life will never again be the same

Cherish the memories that will never fade

Find that strength that she always displayed

I will always remember her smile

Although I have only known her a short while

She was one of my daughters best friends

The person she could confide and depend

I saw a beautiful soul

Mother to mother; I wish I had the words to console

Always remember the laughter and the fun

In our hearts she is forever young

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in this time of sorrow.  Andrea touched the lives of the people who knew her.  She will live on in our hearts and souls!  Everytime I get in my car I will remember her in my back seat dancing and singing with my daughters.  I saw her being a young vibrant teenager hanging out with a girl friend.  Andrea and Tanaesha were becoming closer friends.  Tanaesha trusted her with secrets she could tell no one else and knew that advice from her would be honest and forthcoming.  We will cherish the short time that she was in our lives!

With Love and Blessing,

Funeral

I will not be on blogger until Tuesday.  I just got word that the funeral will be this coming Monday.  This is going to be one of the hardest funerals I have ever been to.  I plan to go visit her mother and grandmother 2morrow and giving her the poem I wrote for her.

Please everyone pray for the family of Andrea Arnold
Her mom is Patrice and grandmother is Jackie.

Today

Here one day, gone the next
Its the time in between to reflect
Making each day joyous and fulfilling
Be open and willing
To take on each obstacle that comes our way
Not being lead astray
Cherish love in totality
Make happiness a reality
Stop wasting time in sorrow
Look forward to tomorrow
For it is never promised
Let the beauty of today not be dismissed

Forever Young

Good Morning All!  I keep breaking down crying, my heart is bleeding for Andrea's mom.  I had a strong urge to go to her house and just give her a hug.  I cannot imagine the pain she is feeling.  I only met Andrea this past Jan but my daughter met her last year.  I instantly liked her and her spirit.  She had that personality that was straight up and forthcoming.  She seemed so geniune.  I told Tanaesha that I really liked her the moment I met her.  Tanaesha felt she was the only person she could confide in at her school.  She was able to talk to her about things she couldnt with other friends.  She always knew her advice and response would be honest and truthful.  They were getting closer.  Yesterday when I got in my car, I could still picture her in my backseat laughing and dancing to the radio with my daughters.  Still being a teenager dispite her health issues.  Even with her absense at school, as soon as she could she would come back to school and go back to work with my daughter.  I remember one time she had surgery one day and came back to school the next.  I saw strength in her.  I knew about her health issues through my daughter but never spoke of them with her.  My daughter told me this morning that she had just turned 17 June 2nd.  And telling me the plans they had for the summer and plans to do eachothers hair.  I am taking comfort that she is no longer in pain and she is watching over from above...Yesterday after work I went straight to my daughter and gave her a hug.  Hoping that this will make her realize that life is way to short and to enjoy every second of her life because 2morrow is never promised...I felt compelled to write this last night with Andrea's mother in mind....

Forever Young

Dedicated to Andrea Arnold

Our Heavenly father needed His angel
We can search for reasons from every angle
And still never understand
His ultimate plan
Take comfort that she can no longer feel pain
Eventhough your life will never again be the same
Cherish the memories that will never fade
Find that strength that she always displayed
I will always remember her smile
Although I have only known her a short while
She was one of my daughters best friends
The person she could confide and depend
I saw a beautiful soul
Mother to mother; I wish I had the words to console
Always remember the laughter and the fun
In our hearts she is forever young

RIP Andrea

I just got news that my daughters girlfriend Andrea passed this morning.  She has had ongoing health issues and knew that she wouldnt make it until she was 20 but she was 17 now....My daughter saw her yesterday in school and she was fine.  Hearing my babigirl crying over the loss of her girlfriend words cannot describe the pains in my heart.  She worked with my daughter at the hair salon and I have spent some time with her.  She was scheduled for surgery next week.  My heart and prayers go out to her grandmother and mother whom I know and the remainder of her family.

I am taking a moment of silence for dear sweet Andrea.  I love her soul, I will miss her smiles and giggles...

Check In

Good Morning All!  I have been having issues getting on my computer account due to secrity proceedures at work.  Plus I am so sick, but still at work :(  I really have nothing to report or write about....I hope that everyone has a good day today!

Ready-Friday Flash 55

I am ready for something real
True love that my heart can feel

I am ready to give my all
In your arms comfortably free fall

I am ready to start our life together
Knowing any storm we can weather

I am here ready for you to claim me
And kneel down on bended knee

Persuasive Essay

Good Morning All!  I am sorry that I havent posted anything in a few days.  I have been crazy busy at work this week.  Last week I was struggling, and most of this week as well....But you know what, I made it through those storms....And just knowing that its going to be alright anyways, makes me strong enough to endure whatever is thrown my way next week...

I wrote the below as a persuasive essay for my writing class.  I was told to write about something that happened in my life or in the news in the last three weeks.  And this is what came out onto the paper.  Its kind of a testimony showing that God does open doors and that God is always on time...With everything I have been dealing with, this was a fitting reminder to me....enjoy and be encouraged!



     God opens doors.

     Even when you are still making the same mistakes, he has your back.

     Even when you lose focus and direction, he still shows you the way.

     God always shows you how to get back on track.  He will allow you to make your mistakes and suffer the consequences of your actions.  But he will not put more on you than you can bear, even when it feels like you just cant take no more, you can.  Adversity makes us stronger.  If we take our troubles to God and have faith that everything will work out just as its supposed to, it will.  Its out decisons that hold us back from our blessings.  When you stop worrying and have faith, then your burdens and troubles dont affect you the same.

     God is always on time.

     Even when you dont know how you are going to make it from one day to the next, he will provide.

     Even when help doesnt come when you think you need it, it will come right on time.

     For a week I was worried about how I could come up with twenty-five dollars that I needed to pay my rent.  I stressed myself the entire week trying to come up with solutions to get this paid. 

     A co worker walked up to me and said, "The Holy spirit told me that you needed this."

     Mind you this co worker had no idea that I was struggling with financial difficulties.  He handed me exactly twenty-five dollars and walked away.  It was confirmation to me that God does really have my back and that God is always right on time.

     God opens doors.

     Even when troubles in your life tell you that you are not going to make it through, you will.

     Even when what you wanted doesnt come to pass, your blessing will supersede your wants.

     Then last week, I was stressing because I didnt know how I was going to make it to work that week.  I did not have a dollar to my name.  I went the entire week not eating and keeping to myself.  Consumed with thoughts of how I could get the money I needed for gas and food.  Minutes before it was time to leave work for the day, my supervisor offered to fill up my gas tank.  That gas allowed me to make it to work for the next three days.  This showed me that help comes from place that I didnt know was an option.

     God is always on time.

     Even when life throws you unexpected curve balls, he will give you the strength to endure.

     Even when the clouds are too thick to see clearly, he will be your constant guide.

     I have come so far in my life that I know that God will not let me fall flat on my face, again.  I overcame a drug addict husband, joblessness, homelessness, giving custody of my daughters to thier father and an abusive boyfriend.  I now have a good job, my own apartment with my daughters and enjoying being the best mother that I can be to my teenage daughters.  I am so terrified of losing everything again that when I come up short, I get paranoid.  I worry and stress myself over everything when if I rested my faith in God, there would be no need to worry.  But no matter how bad it looks, God opens doors and make a way out of no way.  God is always on time, no matter what the cut off notice says.  God steps in just in the nick of time.

     God opens doors.

     Even when life consumes us, he will show us mercy.

     Even when we have hit our rock bottom, he will pick us up and carry us through the fires.

     Having faith in God; he will open doors that you never thought possible.  And provide things you couldnt have imagined for yourself.  Just the knowing that he is always on time provides unimaginable comfort.  He will provide an inner peace that never before existed.  Why waste time and energy stressing and worrying, risking your health over something that will work out in the end anyways.  God continues to show me that there is no need to stress because he will take care of me no matter what.  No matter what life looks like, he will carry me through anything that comes my way.  Just stay strong and continue to fight the battles that life brings our way.  Look forward to the rewards of our strength and endurance.

     God opens doors and he is always on time.

RIP Lil Benny-Go Go Legend

Lil Benny-Washington Post Article


Video-Lil Benny and Ms Kim

Lil Benny-Hittin "Cat in da Hat"

Lil Benny's Music

RIP Lil Benny!  Dc has lost one of the pioneers of Go-Go this past saturday.  It has been a sad weekend in DC.  I have seen him live many, many times....He has performed recently....I heard that he performed at our hurch a lil over a week ago....So sad....He will SURELY be missed!!!!

Character Sketch-Edited

I edited my Character Sketch, please re-read and tell me if this flows better!

Standing on a DC street corner, praying no one would stop, but desperately needing someone to.  Her stomach growls were getting louder, but not quite humble enough to ask for help.  Her spirit hungry and pockets empty.  The shine of brake lights almost blinded, taking her mind to a place that she never wanted to go.  Reality was now in front of her, negotiating pricing and services all the while trembling within.  Once in the car, hearing the door slam, she remembered her father.  The things he did to her, the things he made her do.  Fear took over her mind.  Then flashbacks of the rape by the boy she trusted as a young teen, holding her down, cries for help ignored and disregarded.  Now fear took over-scared to back out terrified of what he would do to her if she changed her mind.  No choice remained but to go through with it.  They parked in a dark alley and got out of the car.  She couldnt face him, she couldnt face herself.

Leaning on the hood of the car she told him, "only from the back."

Handing him a condom, she pulled down her tight blue jeans just enough for him to enter her.  Closing her eyes and pretending this was not happening.  Tears streamed down her face.  Her soul was bleeding, attempting to seperate her mind from her physical actions.  Thank goodness it didnt last long.  She then pulled her pants up and walked almost drunkenly down the alley.  Barely able to walk in her heels; the trembling was overwhelming.  No longer able to control the muscles in her legs, she felt weak.

She walked back to the spot where she was supposed to meet her so-called boyfriend.  Knowing he would be upset because she did nothing that was prearranged.  She called him, and he was yelling in her ear of how scared he was for her.  Telling her that he had been up and down the streets looking for her, scared for her life.  She wanted to run, but had nowhere to go.

As he pulled up, he demanded her to get in the car.  And started cursing her out about the money when he found out that she accepted only half of what she was supposed to ask for.  He took the money that she just sold her soul for and stopped the car in the middle of the street.  He yanked her out of the car with a fist full of her hair, pulling her earring out and she heard it fall to the pavement right before her face landed.  Screaming for help, but no one came to her rescue.  Seeing rage in his eyes that she never knew existed.  Trying to remember the love his eyes once displayed.  He got back in the car and sped off circling the block then yelled at her to get in the car.  After she did, he beat her in the face, blood gushing from her lip.  One hit after another, not only bruising her face but her spirit as well.  He punched her repeatedly for over an hour, while still driving his car.  Her head kept hitting her window and felt as if it would explode.  Wishing he would just go ahead and kill her, she was hurting inside worse than the physical pain she was feeling.  Ending it all was something she thought about every day, but didnt have the courage to do.

The last words she heard him speak as she got out the car, "I did this because I love you Nicole, and was scared to lose you."

***

Nicole sat observing the variety of different people in the busy train station.  Wearing sunglasses; trying to hide her black and swollen eyes.  She watched families with smiles on their faces, couples looking as they were truly in love, children tightly grasping thier mother's hand.  She was deperately missing her daughters, crying on the inside while the smiles on her face hid the pain.  Scared to be alone, or in the streets, this would not be her first night sleeping at this train station.  As she sat reflecting, realizing these consequences were recourses for her actions.  She had no one to blame but herself.  She was lost from herself, lost from her true potential.  Homeless, to no fault but her own and the choices she made.  She lost her daughters, her husband, her job, her home, and everything that ever mattered, or what she thought mattered at the time.  Her reactions reflected desperation, her need for survival, her desire to overcome.  Attempting to find strength to not give up completely; this seemed like the easier way out right now.  She was disgusted and blaming herself.  Her situation, her actions were no longer her.  She did not want to live, praying for God to end her misery and suffering.  She walked to the pay phone and called her mother with tears filling her eyes.  Finally-deciding to get on the next train to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina leaving DC, leaving her daughters in order to get herself together.

Revised Character Sketch

Hey, go back and re-read my character sketch.  I edited it, so tell me if it reads better????

Prom Pic

Good Morning All! I dont have anything to really post poetry-wise....I am doing a character sketch for my writing class.  So I will post that once I write that, although I did start :)  But a 700-750 word character sketch is quite difficult.  The above picture was taken from my camera phone of Tanaesha right before going to prom.  Once I develop and scan the others, I will post.  She enjoyed herself :)  and the pics of them both are so cute...He is almost like a son to me, so seeing them both going to prom, together....almost made me cry :)

Award-Thanks Jingle and Lord Emmanuel...Passing to Dulce

I recieved this amazing award from Jingle and Lord Emmanuel.  I am humbly honored!!!!  Almost speechless!!  I write, like no one will ever read....I write from places I didnt know existed....I sit down to write with an idea in mind, but my words start flowing and always takes me in a totally different direction...

Please visit Jingle and Lord Emmanuel, for their writing is simply AMAZING!  Their words touch me, in ways they will never know....So positive and uplifting

I am passing this award onto Dulce at Sweeter Poetry.  Her words, touch my soul, my inner being, bring me joy, allow me to feel her sadness...Words cant express the feeling that reading her words gives me.  She is very consistant with fresh poetry.  Please stop by and follow her poetry, if you have not yet been introduced...Dulce, you were the first that came to mind...I truly enjoy your work and am so grateful that you share...

I decided this poem I wrote last month....It describes my writing....From the depths of my heart....

Sugar Coated

Thoughts continously flowing
In my head
Pouring out of my soul
Like sweet sugar
Coating my words
Sprinkling your heart
With purple rain drops
Comforting your spirit
Calming you doubts
Dismantling your fears
Your mind drifitng
Into my world
Heeding my lessons
Feeling my passion
The heat rising
From my veins
The steadiness
Of my heart beat
Compassion for pains
My journey
To inner happiness
Presenting my life
Through my words
Sugar coated

Good Morning

Good Morning All!  I have nothing to post today, I did yesterday but was too busy at work to write it and it slipped off of my lips...I am off 2morrow getting my daughter ready for prom :)  So I am going to repost a poem I wrote about her going to Homecoming this year...Have a great and blessed weekend!

Homecoming

Rolling her long silky brown hair
Applying make up to prepare

For her junior homecoming
Looking at the woman she is becoming

Her dress hugging her curves
Hoping her future boyfriend treats her as she deserves

Her first time wearing heels
Knowing its excitement that she feels

Posing as a grown woman with such innocence
The young child I am watching transform I reminisce

She is preparing for the world not knowing all its horror
She will make mistakes as she explores

I am there to help her learn and teach her how to get back on her feet
Overcoming lies and deceit

She has only exprienced her first heartbreak
Discovering so called friends are fake

So much more to learn
Knowing she is smart and will make a man earn

His right to her heart
Giving her strength to overcome if or when they grow apart

It seems like only yesterday I was changing her diapers
Now its the tears falling down her cheecks I wipe

Wishing her more success than I experienced
Praying my mistakes have influenced

Her future decisions
I am sure that her life will be more than I can currently envision

My precious baby is no longer a child
I sent her off to her dance and within I smiled

Rain Drops

Rain Drops

Rain drops kissing my forehead
While tear drops from my eyes are shed
In need of a mental cleansing
Self doubt lingering
Doors are opening but I still doubt
Is this my chosen route
What if I dont succeed
Is the devil attempting to mislead
Praying for guidance
Relief in my finances
Mental stresses released
Goals increased
Fears consoled
Rain drops cleansing my soul

Miracle

Good Morning All!  I hope that everyone had a great weekend :) I did....I took my youngest daughter and my neice and nephew to the zoo since my oldest daughter was at a birthday party.  Then we went prom shopping.  My oldest daughter Tanaesha was invited to the prom with a boy she has known since kindergarten and he was in the first grade....They have had crushes on eachother since then but play the "flirting" game...So it was only fitting that he invited her of all people...His family and mine lived on the same street so we all know and love eachother very much!  His mom, sister (My daughters best friend) went shopping yesterday.  Her God Mother gave her a beautiful dress so we only had to shop for shoes, a shaw and accesories...And his mom paid for it all!  Tanaesha is almost like a daughter to her and doing this made her so excited.  She even offered to get her nails done the day of...I am going to be doing the hair and make up...Not sure if yall know but I did take 3 years of cosmetology but never got my license because after doing two girls hair, the last thing I want to do is hair :) 

Another thing, I started my writing class saturday...This class was God sent...This is EXACTLY what I needed to publish...Its a two month class, but he is going to push us to be the best writers we can become...and he is going to teach us how to make money from writing :)  He is not only a Pulitzer Prize winner, he is a columnist for the Miami Herald...Has been writing for longer than I have been on this earth :)  Therefore I am so grateful to learn from such a talented man...His work is simply amazing...

This poem was inspired by church service sunday and then confirmed on the radio on my way to work.  Right now I NEED a miracle to make it through...So I am going to step out and go get it :)  I posted the two lovely ladies (My lil cousins) because for one they were just in my email this morning but these are two miracle babies....My cousin and her husband were married 5 years and couldnt conceive after trying vigorously...And then she FINALLY got pregnant...Then a year later again :)  So meet Tessa and Terra....



Miracle

Miracles come true with faith and trust
When life leaves you in disgust

Step out and believe He will carry you
But taking that first step is what you have to do

No matter what it is you are in need of
Be assured in His love

Stop being fearful
And step out in your miracle

Why I? & Behind Closed Doors-Guest Poet-Tanaesha

Good Morning All!  TGIF!!!!!  These are the poems that my daughter wrote that I promised yesterday(FYI she will only be 17 June 29th, so this is words from a young heart).  She told me not to post Behind Closed Doors because its really personal to her, but I didnt listen...That poem speaks to me as I am sure speaks to everyone else as well.  We have ALL been there...And can relate...

Why I

Solid calls
Days gone
Months passed
Wondering why
Hearts break
People cry
People lie
People cheat
But why do
People love
People care
Or some people dont even dare
No solid calls
Days gone
Months passed
And I still wonder
Why I


Behind Closed Doors

In public
I show no signs of sadness
With my friends I am the happiest
I'm silly and goofy
I stand tall and brave
As if I am over you
Yes, it has been months

But behind closed doors
I still cry
Not even shy
To show the emotions inside
That I dare not hide

Behind closed doors
I do still miss you
Thinking of you constantly
Every thought of you driving me crazy
Cant push away this feeling of loneliness

Behind closed doors
I listen to songs that make me cry
Torturing myself with every word
I think I just need to move on
People telling me that your probaly
Not even thinking about me anymore

But behind closed doors
I just wanna know why
Why do I still think of you
Why is it do hard
For me to let you go
Why do I still cry
Why do I
Still love you
Behind closed doors

Both Poems Were Written By: Tanaesha Leak

His Light

His Light

When the clouds are too thick to see the light
Keep your goals in sight

Be prepared to trip and fall for your vision is not yet clear
Find that strength to persevere

No matter what road blocks are in the way
In the good and the bad, dont forget to kneel before Him and pray

Be thankful for where life has brought you thus far
Even when the lessons learned leave scars

Stop making wishes over a four leaf clover
For it aint over, until God says its over

He will provide all that you require
And not always everything you desire

Have faith that it will all work out in the end
Just the way He intends

Allow His love in your heart to reside
His light is our constant guide

Discovery

Good Morning All!  Sorry, nothing new...Not in the mood to write at the moment...But stay tuned...I feel some stuff rumbling in my heart...Just not ready to release...This one is a repost, but it is suiting to my current mood....I just bought an "I Love Me" shirt and am wearing it today...Didnt feel like taking a pic of myself today although I do look fly :) lol....So I thought I would add these pics to my blog :)

FYI-I added a few new pics to my picture page and will do so as I take new pics...

Discovery

Lying in my bed listening to the rain drops
Wishing they would never stop

Not wanting to leave these covers
Hiding and not wanting to be discovered

Enjoying being alone
Everything else can be postponed

Taking personal quality time
Not worrying about deadlines

Completely focused on me
And what it is that I need

Actually loving me in totality
Door knocks bring me back to reality

Ignoring everyone else
Only going by my own impulse

Being alone is actually not that bad
No one to get on my nerves and make me mad

Relaxing with everyone out of reach
Listening to my own inner speech

Not depending on anyone's guarantee
Discovering that I do really love me

Beauty

Good Morning All!  I decided against the red but went for the cut and I already had three different variations of brown so I just add some blonde :)  Ya like??  This poem is a repost but it was fitting for today :)

Beauty

Fresh hair cut and color; make up looking fierce
Eyes deep enough to pierce

My fresh black pumps with the newly manicured toes out
Looks are deceiving; inside I am overcoming self doubt

Tight, sexy dark blue jeans with the red low cut top
Making all the on-looking men's jaw drop

Cute baby face on the outside
But who wants to really know the complete inside

Short in height and small in frame
Does anyone care whats really in my brain

Focused and professional, but always real
When will someone truly care how I really feel

Smiling face in front of the others
Can we truly trust one another

Not imprssed unless they can really connect mentally
And not for satisfaction that only lasts momentarily

The eyes are the key to ones soul
Look deep inside that person and see their true role

Everyone in life is not for keeps
Every night I singly sleep

Choosing not to settle for less than I deserve
My full heart I have chosen to reserve

Its not in my physical description, but whats in my heart
My inner beauty is my true work of art

I Want It!

This cut and color is BAD....I want my hair cut like this without the blue...And I want both sides to be the same length...I was growing my hair because someone asked me to...But now that he is out of the picture...I want something fresh :)  What do yall think????

Loneliness-Reunion Update

Loneliness

I am so tired of being alone
Tired of feeling like I am on my own

Tired of waking up to an empty bed
Wondering whats ahead

My standards are high as ever
But I dont want to be by myself forever

I want to feel the feeling of love
And no longer the lack thereof

I want someone to share my thoughts and dreams
Nothing is ever how it seems

Being alone does has its benefits
But it also has its limits

I miss being made love to all night
And all those feelings that excite

I miss hearing the words "I love you"
That kind of love that makes you feel brand new

But I am not willing to accept just anything
Definatelt not looking for a meaningless fling

Been there, done that many times before
But my feelings I can no longer ignore

Lately I have constantly pushed good men away
Terrified of being betrayed

I know I need to let my guards down some
Or I will allow my loneliness to succumb

LOVE-1 Corinthians 13

Good Morning All!  I have nothing to post that I have written and really wanted to share another scripture that gave proof of God's exisitence that spoke volumes to me while I was studying.  I thought it was in 1 Corinthians but I cannot seem to find it.  But found this one fitting to share :)  It speaks volumes about love and why it is so important.  I am sad, 2morrow will be my last Discipleship class for session 1, and session 2 wont start until September.  But the ladies in my group have all decided that we will remain in close contact and have womans nights once a month :)  I will be having a graduation from my class but not sure when yet....

On another note, I just signed up for writing classes at church :)  I am SOOO excited!  Dr Pitts is a well renouned Pulitzer Prize winner and I am excited to get this opportunity to learn from such an amazing writer.  Also, I am looking forward to our Mothers Day breakfast at church with my girls :) this saturday.

Love-1 Corinthians 13

1-If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but I have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2-If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

3-If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.4-Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5-It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6-Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7-It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8-Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are no tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9-For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10-but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11-When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought I like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put all childish ways behind me. 12-Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13-And now these three remain; faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is LOVE.

In Love

In love with love
The idea of love
The illustrations of love
The feeling of love
The fullness of love
The comfort of love
The courage of love
The sexiness of love
The sensuality of love
The electricity of love
The enrichment of love
The illusions of love
The "In Love" of love

Artistic

Good Morning All!  I wrote this one and the one I will post 2morrow Friday evening. I guess I just was on a writing frenzy ...Over the weekend I sorted all of my poetry in chronological order telling the stories of my life.  I am making preparations towards publishing :)  Now, I need to go through an edit...Something I have yet to do.  I barely even re read what I write after its written.  And I only have about maybe 10 more poems to write in order for my story to be complete :)  I am getting excited!  My weekend was great and very busy.  My girlfriend came in town from Charlotte.  I went to my ministers (The teacher of my Discipleship Class) birthday party and had an AMAZING time...I missed the fight entirely, but I heard that I didnt miss much.  I was rooting for Mosely because Mayweather talks too much...Now he is really going to be talkin smack...

Fridays' poem "His Voice", I have gotten a lot of responses about it being erotic.  Its about a general phone call, the feelings that he gives me being away but calling and hearing his voice.  Its actually not sexual at all, I was just describing the electric feeling of hearing the voice of the person you love.  The effects I feel all over my body by him just merely saying "hello".  I actually had no sexual thoughts in my head as I wrote it.  Yea, its sexy and flirting...But it was just describing love...I guess I am just a sensual/flirty person by nature (I am a Sagittarius) and maybe that comes across in my poetry.  I think the part that got everyone is "Vibrations felt through my thighs"  I was talking about the electrical vibrations felt from head to toe but thighs rhymed with butterflies...


Artistic

Artist of words
Creating images
Of my life stories
With pen and paper
Spilling my heart
In all shades
Onto my easel
Broadening horizons
Painting lessons learned
With rhyme and reason
Tantalizing word play
In the artistic form of poetry

His Voice-Friday's 55

Good Morning All!  TGIF!!!!!!!!  I just wrote this one for G-Man's Friday 55!  FYI- I added an awards page and picture page, the links are displayed at the top :)  I am sorry to inform you that I removed my "Sexual Healing" section of my poetry.  I have chosen to keep my erotic poetry private.  I have to keep some things personal :)  Have a blessed and wonderful weekend!

His voice makes my heart skip a beat
Sending chills from my head to my feet
My stomach fills with butterflies
Vibrations felt through my thighs
Senses alert
He is the whip cream to my dessert
Tasting his essence
Feeling his presence
His voice comforts my heart
His voice is assurance when we are apart

His Battle

Good Morning All!  I just got finised writing this, inspiration came from a gospel song I heard driving to work this morning.  It spoke volumes to me with what I am dealing with.  Still learning to Let Go and Let God...It gets hard at times because of daily stresses and issues arrising.  But my faith carries me through.  Knowledge is key to your relationship with Him.  Just knowing the basics of what is pleasing to him is just not enough to sustain you.  Reading your bible is so important.  God speaks to us through His word.  Everything I read, speaks to my life and gives me guidance with whatever I am dealing with at that moment.  People say God doesnt reply back to their prayers, maybe you just arent listening...God gives us answers in the most unlikely way, we may not reconize because we are not familiar with His voice.  He sends confirmation but we ignore...Until we cant ignore anymore...Until He breaks us down and we have no one else to turn to.  Dont go to Him ONLY in your troubles, Praise Him for His blessings.  ALL blessings originate from HIM, give Him the glory!  Have a blessed and wonderful day!

His Battle

Let go and your joy will be complete
Dont just fall in defeat
Your troubles make you stronger
Dont hold onto the guilt any longer
Repent your sins
And your peace will begin
Never give up hope
Whatever it is, you CAN cope
Set your mind at ease
Dont question God's expertise
Stay in fear of His reign
Allow His glory to attain
And His knowledge to excite
Realize that its just not your battle to fight

Thoughts-Guest Poet Tanaesha Leak

Here are a few of my daughters fresh poems written within the last two weeks that I thought I would share.  She does have my account passwords and log in info and does read your comments :)  Come on now and give my baby some confidence so maybe one day she will create her own blog....But other than my posting her poetry and my eyes, NO ONE else has EVER read her poetry...She refuses to share because she is very shy...So come on and tell my baby what you really think of her words :)

Thoughts

Cloudy night
Rain falling from the sky
Kinda dark outside
Lights set dim
All I can do is think of him
Bringing smiles to my face
Thoughts of him brightens up my day even then
He was the Prince to my Cinderella story
Cant remember one bad memory
Until the very end
Choas overthrowing my thoughts
Afraid to step foot to him again

Emotionally Confused Syndrome

I am emotionally confused
Is it my heart that is bruised
So many thoughts flowing through my head
Just want to fall asleep in my bed
Dodging the craziness ahead
But tears I will not shed
These issues are scaring me
Emotions that I dare not to see
To my confusion there is no key
Why wont these problems let me be
Can I put this to an end
Why to me it repeatidly sends
To my heart there is no kin
In my mind this is a trend
Having this Emotionally Confused Syndrome

Wait & See

Shallow days
Dark nights
Storming and raining
Hurting and crying
All over the world
But my heart I still depend on
To move me towards the light
The dark and storm I fear
But I shall move forward
Eventhough it feels like it
My life is not completely over
You have not totally crushed my heart
It still beats
I dont need you
Or your so called "love"
But still I cant wait to hate you
And break through these emotional changes
But now when I hear your name
I think to myself, "What a waste of time"
But when I see your face
My heart stops
What a shame
But even through my heart is torn
I will move on
And you will see
How much better of a person
I can be
Without you
And the next will heal
And put back together
What your love has broken
Just wait and see...

By Tanaesha Lashaye Leak

Free Falling

Free Falling

Sick and tired of stressing
Constantly assessing
Damage already done
And all thats been left undone
Wondering how I am going to make it
Not understanding how the pieces are going to fit
Letting go
Even though the debts are still owed
Having faith that HE will provide
Closing my eyes and opening my arms wide
Feeling assurance in His calling
Letting completely go and free falling

Into God's loving arms...

Knowing

Dedicated to Steph!  I KNOW you can make it through!  We are both going to get through, even if we have no idea how...

Knowing

Scared not knowing
Not sure where I am going
Not sure how I am going to make it
Feelings as I want to quit
But know I cant allow myself to succumb
Knowing there is more I want to become
I just need to make it past this
Knowing I cant afford to remiss
I am learning how to wait
Attempting not to fall for the bait
Things are looking grim
Stepping out with faith as my limb
Knowing He is faithful and His words are true
Knowing He WILL carry me through

Sugar Coated

Sugar Coated

Thoughts continuously flowing
In my head
Pouring out of my soul
Like sweet sugar coating my words
Sprinkling your heart
With purple rain drops
Comforting your spirit
Calming your doubts
Dismantling your fears
Your mind drifting
Into my world
Heeding my lessons
Feeling my passion
The heat rising from my veins
The steadiness of my heart beat
Compassion for my pains
My journey to inner happiness
Presenting my life through my words
Sugar coated

Choice

Choice

The pain and troubles have already been endured
Now you have grown and matured
Move on and wipe away your tears
Resist by overcoming your fears
Dont allow them to consume
Dont ignore the flowers bloom
Enjoy the beauty bestowed before you
Defy evil plans being construed
Stay in search of things that bring joy
And rebuke the things that destroy
Listen to that inner voice
Happiness is a choice

Taste

Taste
My taste is what I chose;

The sour, I was already prepared for
The sweet, my mouth watered for
The bitter, may not be what I planned for

Life brings the sour, have your sword battle ready
Sweetness isnt always steady
The bitter came unexpectedly, but you have been through worse already

Now your tastes have been defined
Chose to savor the tastes being refined
And learn the lessons being presented
Grow and learn what can be prevented
Outcomes are not always similar
Know your taste buds so that they are familar

Released

Released

All of my pain, released
No longer allowing past hurt to hold me back
Half of my responsibilities, released
No longer taking on other responsibilities as my obligation
My burdens, released
Not allowing others to bring me down with them
My hesitations, released
No longer wasting precious time second guessing
My doubt, released
My faith assures me
My worries, released
No longer stressing over the uncontrollable
My fear, released
Knowing God will carry me through
My self-consciouness, released
Walking with my head held high
My insecurities, released
Truly loving me in totality
Drama, released
Not allowing drama into my life any longer
Headaches, released
Previous stress not affecting today
Obligations from others, released
No longer taking on others responsibility
Heart-aches, released
Not allowing heart-ache to prevent future love
Disappointments, released
No longer allowing others to take my joy
Expectations, released
Giving it ALL to God, allowing His will to control

Comfort

Comfort

Within the Word, God provides comfort and peace
As an armor to make it through
Giving strength to maintain until your problems cease
Allow Him to use you
To assist others in their fight
Allow your testimony to provide confirmation
And comfort that everything will be alright
His Word gives us hope and inspiration
A law of His instructions to live by
Remain faithful and obedient
Inner strength He will supply
Your relationship with Him is the main ingredient
To peace and happiness
Take comfort in His assurance
And the knowing that He will bless
And provide endurance

Strength

Strength

My world is flipping upside down
But I see the pieces of the puzzle falling into place
Listening to the sounds
Of your voice and recognizing your face
Leading me through the fires
Protecting me from harm
No longer living through desires
Not falling for the devils charm
Finding strength within
That I never felt before
You are the only one I can depend
To open closed doors
I never thought possible
Each day no matter the circumstance, I praise your name
And you show miracles that were once impossible
Now, my life will never be the same

Trust

Trust

I have learned a lot in my lifetime
And ready to learn more as I climb

I have literally been through hell and back
Constantly fighting away the devils attack

Each day as I pray for relief
I am learning to have confidence in my belief

That He will carry me when I cannot walk
Knowing that He will be my voice when I am unable to talk

Discovering the path that He is leading me toward
Opening doors that were once ignored

Exploring my own inner happiness
He completely fulfills leaving no room for emptiness

Giving God my everlasting trust
Allowing Him to correct the unjust

Wasted

Wasted

Your sorrows are forgotten but still remain
Currently not driving you insane

Deep within they are bleeding
Giving power while misleading

Intoxicating your inner thoughts
Leaving you completely distraught

Even more confused
Ego continues to bruise

Drink after drink
Mind and heart no longer in sync

Puffing and passing
Memories still harrasing

Too blasted to even care anymore
Feelings totally being ignored

Now able to sleep without nightmares
Victory declares

One more day concluded
Horros eluded

But still slowly eating at your flesh
New problems continue to manifest

Nothing to look forward to
To the bottom of the bottle you subdue

Awake and start the routine again
Now your sanity depends

On these chemicals you're using to set free
Still trashed with debris

Sobriety never again tasted
Lifeless life remains wasted

Snowed In

Snowed In

Refridgerator stocked, awaiting the upcoming snow
Excitidely anticipating the beauty thats well known

As the snow flakes kissed my cheeks and landed on my nose
A cold shiver throught my body arose

Feeling as I did as a young child
Snowball fights reconciled

Sleigh riding until our fingers and toes were numb
Laughing at how wet and cold we had become

Childhood memories rediscovered
Cars and homes completely snow covered

Emerging winters peak
Snowed in for over a week

Feeling caged in
Boredum settling within

Now, awaiting this mess to melt
And summers shunshine again felt

Whisper

Whisper

Soft whispers in my ear
Ignoring the sounds that I hear

Heading in the direction I feel
Forgetting nightly to kneel

Stressing because nothing is going as planned
And I dont quite understand

Not happy with the person I became
But still I dont hear Him calling my name

Daily He makes His presence known
The inevitable postponed

Until we have no choice but to turn to Him
Bringing light to what was once dim

Overwhelming feelings
Of an inner healing

Letting go of personal expecatations
No longer worrying about complications

My path is now clear
Allowing His word to adhere

In His joy I rejoice
Reconizing His voice

PS:  I just took the pic above this morning in the bathroom at work playing with my camera phone :)  I took a bunch more but this is the only one that came to my email as of yet, the others are taking forever....

Do I Love You?-My Daughters Poetry

Do I Love You?

Do I love you?

I dont know

Do I love you?

I'm so confused

I have never been in love

So how would I know?

This feelin' I have for you

I cant explain and cant let go

No one else can come close

When I'm with you I get so quiet,

I dont even know why

Maybe its because you take my breathe away

The second I leave you,

I get so confused

When we seem to part and you are out of my sight

I start to miss you

When I talk to you on the phone,

Your voice makes me melt

The sad part is that officially your not even mine

But I could care less about them other girls

They mean nothing to me

I've known you for so long, almost all my life

I should be over this feelin' that I feel for you

But I'm not, it just gets stronger

And I am scared

I'm scared to open up to you

Cuz I'm scared to love

But most importantly I am scared to love you

And I dont know why

I know you told me you would never do me wrong

And thats what I am scared of

I am scared because I know you would never hurt me

That terrifies me

Do I love you?

I'm not sure

Do I love you?

I think I do

But now the question is how do I show you?

And what would you think?

Shadows of You

I sit and wait by the phone,

Day and night

Just to hear your special ringtone,

That I will never recieve

I miss your company

Can we atleast be friends?

Where is your sympathy?

Is it even there?

I still hear your voice in my head

As I sit and lay in my bed,

The same place where, before

Many messages from you were read

Shadows of you raoming around in my head

I dont want you back

I just want your friendship

Which is what we lack

Like we had before

I sometimes wish I could

Go back in the past

And make our relationship last

But until then

Shadows of you are roaming around in my head

By: Tanaesha Leak

Tanae`sha Lashaye-My Daughters Poetry

 

Why

I dont know why the sky is blue, or even why the grass is green

Makes me wonder is this more than what it seems

I dont know why summer starts in June

Or why winter comes too soon

Even makes me wonder at night why is it only half of the moon

So tell me why do people fall in love

And let their heart sore above

Leaving it vulnerable and open

So that without knowing, it could be easily broken

Makes me wonder why it is so easy to fall in love

But so hard to restore your heart after being broken

***These two are dedicated to Michael Jackson :)  Even the one above has a few of Mikes lines if you can recognize his words...***

Now I Realize

I know at first I seen you as such a bad person

Because thats the picture people painted in my head

So before you left I never really knew you and I never really cared

I just went by what people said

And now that you are gone

I realize your greatness

I realize your perfection

I realize your innocence

I realize your shyness

I realize that you cared for others

I realize that you had a heart

And I realize that deep down inside you were hurting

You were hurting because they made you seem as such a bad person

They made you paranoid about the way you looked

They took your pride

They took your childhood

And your manhood

They took away the ability for you to sleep at night

They made you into a person you were not

And someone you could never become

And at the end they were never happy

You told them to leave you alone

But they never listened

And now I realize how sweet of a person you were

Hopefully now they will leave you alone

You've Shown Me

You've shown me how to not be so selfish

You've shown me that the world needs healing

You've shown me how to love outside of myself

You've shown me that prejudice is ignorance

You've shown me that they dont really care about us

You've shown me that you should never come second to none

You've shown me that sharing is the key to life

You've shown me how to respect someone even if you dont like them

You've shown me how to be a lover not a fighter

You've shown me that not everyone is what they seem

You've shown me that through everything your are not alone

You've shown me all this

Through your music, your walk and your talk

You've shown me alot and we never personally met

By Tanaesha Leak