Daddy

I never had that good father role model to look up to

You weren’t there to show me how a man is supposed to treat me

All I remember is witnessing you lay hands on my step mom (RIP Joyce)

Imagining the times when you would do the same to my mom

Even though I was too young to remember

I heard the stories as well as seen you in action

And yea, although you didn't physically take Joyce's life, I blame you 

You spoiled me in rations

When it was convenient for you

And never when I needed you

Then as a developed young teen

You took an interest in something that I could have never imagined or foreseen

How could you even look at your daughter that way

I was innocent and didn’t want to believe my daddy would betray

Held that pain in for decades because I just couldn’t tell

The hurt you caused will never go completely away

Still from time to time the memories come back to haunt

I can’t blame you for the mistakes I made with men

But what foundation did you leave me with

The lessons you taught me were to accept less than I deserve

To give into the desires of men

To do as I am told or there will be consequences

You instilled fear, pain, nightmares and neglect

What was that supposed to teach

The bad supersedes any good memories

I almost feel that was even fake and never happened

All I wanted was my daddy

That daddy that could do no wrong

To protect and love me forever

Even decades later

I still think of you

Still miss you

I don’t understand why 

I still love you

You damaged me worse than anyone on this earth could ever

My entire life I searched for the love I lacked from you

Never even coming close to

Until I learned to love myself

Across my mind

Every time you run across my mind, my heart skips a beat
I inhale my breath deeply and feel such an intense rush of emotions
So intense that a tear escapes my eye and my smile brightens
The tingly sensation felt on every muscle in my body
That my knees feel like jelly type of feeling
My stomach does flips and turns like I am flying on the wings of a butterfly
That I feel like I am floating on the clouds type of feeling
My nose is filled with only your scent
My skin only craves your touch
My eyes only see visions of you
Next to me
My heart only desires you type feeling
I am feeling all of these feelings at this moment
Because you are running across my mind

I want this feeling to last from now until infinity
I want this passion to be constantly nurtured
Blossoming more and more with each second that passes
Foundations strengthened with each hour spent in each others arms
Breathless with each kiss
Souls connecting sharing a passion so intense that two spirits dance in harmony to the sound of beating hearts
Caressing the touch of each feeling felt
Instinctively knowing what the other needs
Responding to desires of pleasure that burn flames into our senses
Tongues create new patterns
The rivers of fluids combine into a love potion that leaves us craving more
Like we are trapped in a spell of emotions
Stung by the arrows of Cupid
Each day discovering new expressions that take us to even deeper into this oceanic abyss
Dark waters wave below the world above
The seclusions of outside interference
Basking in each moment
Locked in this time
Lavishly creating new memories to recall
Inspirations intensify with each breath
You are within me
I taste you in each fiber of my being
I feel you in each thought that crosses my mind
And that's how I know that I love you...