Saturday, December 21, 2013

The past has passed

You didn't treat me the way I deserved when you had me
I was all yours and made that clear to see
So why do you now send me "I am thinking of you" messages to my phone
I didn't hear from you in my months of healing alone
But when I decide to move on and am happy with another, you now can't live without me
Our parting was what we agreed
And what was truly best 
My loyalty you now want to test 
But you know I am loyal to the one I am with, so why do you think you can change my mind
Thinking I am having any desires to go back in time 
Repeating our past is not something I want to return to
My life is happier without you
I am sorry if that has you missing what was real
Love for you my heart no longer feels
It's time to accept that what we had is long gone
You must now move on
Because I have and nothing you can say or do can change my feelings for you
And any devising plans you can possibly construe
Your stalker tendencies are becoming old
So please remove any love for me that your heart still holds
These words to you will be my last
I am leaving the past in the past

Disillusioned Love

I gave him my heart, which included all of me
He claimed his soul only belonged to me
Pretended to be only mine
That his body was all mine
But only came around when he had time
And my body was all of our time
No quality time he made time for
He always had more important things he made his time for
I wasn't a priority to him
I wasn't as important to him
As he tried to make me believe 
Spending moments in bed holding onto what he wanted me to believe 
Attention only paid through texts and phone calls
But he was consistent and for him my body still calls
Because for me, he was my one and only 
But for him, I wasn't his only
He had too many others to tend to
My needs weren't as important for him to cater to
My heart he only pretended to love
When in reality my body was his love
My heart was shattered in pieces
When his girl at home crushed each and every piece
Of hope I had for me and him
The dreams of happily ever after with just me and him 
The lies he fed to my vulnerability, I allowed 
He wasn't the only to blame because his false love, I allowed
Disregarding all the signs that were clear
He showed me who he was but now my fogged glass of vision was now clear
He promised he would never hurt me like that
He lied and say he loved me more than that
Even after the truth was revealed, he still tried to convince me that his love was real
Having me question fake from real
To clear my confusion I had to leave him alone
And pick up the smashed and broken piece of me, all alone



Monday, October 14, 2013

The knowing... of knowing

Dreams tasted upon his lips of yesterday's promise
Today's rain soothed in the whispers of his voice
Trusting the waterfalls of obstacles that present 
Knowing at the end our hands will still be interlocked 
Hearts forever intertwined
A bond that is inseparable 
Security only found at the ending of rainbows
Lilies wildly grazing the fields 
Land sliding through pockets of mud and debris
Reunited by magnetism of souls connected throughout space
Comic attractions penetrate surfaces 
The density of emotions sincerity
History builds foundations for futures  reward 
His aura surrounds my vision 
The one my soul searches for 
The only home I know 
Comfort found in just knowing
Resolution of commitment
A lifetime of preparations for co-existence 
If time allows sacrifice
Efforts of togetherness breed actions
Voiced verbal notes that flow the same beat... on repeat
The knowing... of just knowing...  

Friday, October 11, 2013

To be one

want to inhale his breath as his soul fills my lungs
To be the taste he salivates for  
The scent that his nose craves to smell
A part of his genetic make up
As he resides within each layer of my skin
The sun that shines in his pupils so bright that dilation sets in
Tingly sensations instantly rise chill bumps
Butterflies fluttering from head to toe 
Words get lost without the ability to be spoken
Tongues whisper a language only known to one another
Eyes connected reading each other's thoughts 
The kiss that produces electrical infusions 
Strength that defies human force
To the realm of which spirits dance in harmony 
Creating symphonies of shooting stars
The light that illuminates within
As each touch erupts volcanoes
When brain waves become parallel 
The merging of two beings
To be one 

My reasons

He encompass my sea of tranquility
The calm within my storm
Peace that comforts me
The moons glow glimmering in my eyes
Steadiness that balances my equilibrium 
Shifting planets in the atmosphere
The rushing of the waves that collide directly into my love
Reasoning that defies senses
My gardens of desires fertilized
Nurturing growth within my spirit
Baring fruits of labors reward
Injections of rainbow colored energies
My breath of fresh air
That breezes my flesh
Wishes upon fallen stars
Flowered fragrances the fill my scent
Tap dances of rhythms that palpitate inspirations
With the intensity if lighting strikes
That rejuvenate my soul
Infusing life
For breathing
He is my reason



Thursday, October 3, 2013

Into the light

It's taken me some time to get used to this
There were many opportunities to just dismiss
But what has already been established keeps our energies connected
Going with what hearts have selected
With communication and compromise
Our passion is like waves about to collide
You make me see the glass half full
Motivating me to be better, reminding me that I already know which
strings to pull
Freeing my mind of doubt and stress
Taking comfort in the ability for secrets to confess
My past misjudgments and heartaches made it hard for me to trust
But truth is, my love for you goes far deeper than the obvious lust
You bring light to my darkness
Allowing me to release any fear that I harnessed
Bringing different shades of color to my rainbow
When the stars fall, you are in the moons glow
The reason for the morning sunshining so bright
Taking my spirit to new heights
The rapid rhythm in my heartbeat
Appreciating the beauty in its occasional offbeat
You are the scent I inhale
The images in my visions veil
You are in my smile and the reason for my bounce
I so naturally allow you to be the holder of my heart, every ounce
Making a decision to trust isn't a decision that comes easy for me
Just handle it with care is my only plea
Letting go while hands are held tight
Walking into the light

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Sweet Dreams

The clouds are getting dark and the sky looks as if it's falling 
I can barely breathe, the walls are slowly closing in
The screams are becoming silent and rigor has set in
Unable to move, muscles become limp
Mind searching muddy waters 
Bloodshed dreams massacre sights 
Tasting salt filled tears
Uncontrollable shaking persisting convulsions 
Heart beating out of my chest 
Sweat streaming puddles of escape
Ocean tides sweeping me under
Drowning disappointments and pain
Scratching the ground as the dirt suffocates    
I just want one more view of the sunlight 
Witness the trees blowing 
Smell the roses
Feel my hair flowing in the wind
The sun tainting my skin
To kiss the one I love one more time
I opened my eyes
And exhaled
I must rest

Wrongfully Misled

Blindsided by slick persuasion
Disregarding his public evasion
Captivated by his tongue
Thinking you’re the only one
While in fact you’re just one of many
Brushing off red flags thinking the other women are just in envy
The periodic glances and sly brushes weren’t your imagination
Just discretion used in their flirtations
Not giving much phone conversation because that’s not really his thing
You’re envisioning dresses and rings
Making future plans that he has no intentions on keeping
Your love to deeper depths continues seeping
Putting a commitment on hold while promising soon to come
Into his lies you succumb
Stringing you on just enough to get your attention
His true motives are beyond your comprehension
Guaranteeing pleasures to remain the same
Still believing that one day you will bare his last name
Keep your eyes open at all times
The pieces of the puzzle will eventually fall in line
All the signs were previously misread
Feeling like a fool for giving your all because you were being wrongfully misled

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Embrace

Tiptoed a dance around the seams 
Even appearing in dreams
At each hour that passes
Desire floating flames
Tasting roses blooming your palate 
Serenading your temple
Purple hues of sun rays
Singing love melodies of memories
Air walking on clouds
Reaching for the sun
Blinded by attraction
Souls emulate action 
A rhythms sync
Basking in the light
The chill bumps that rise
Altering the beat of hearts 
Depths of seas encased passion
Each moment stolen treasures engrave
A sketch of the physique  shadow silhouettes
Awakening dreams control thoughts and emotion
The heart tells the stories of its intent
And contains a hold onto your skin
Down to the core element that never dies
Interlocked in its webs
Care free and secure
Intensity at its extreme
Free falling within its realms
The oozing of a vampires bite
In a trance that has no ending
Embracement of love
   

Thursday, September 26, 2013

In love with another

thought it was those words that made all the difference
How they rolled off your tongue mid-sentence
Waited my entire life for you to speak
Momentarily made my knees weak
Images of our wedding day was like a dream come true
Perfections that my mind over-drew
We were always each other’s fall back
Even after over two decades, there are things we still lack
Even still, we have yet to have the ability to let each other completely go
We are our addiction
Played out fairytale love stories like they weren’t fiction
This time around, you almost led me astray
From my current love, I contemplated walking away
Taking the risk for you and me
When you got down on bended knee
Sending my mind in doubt and confusion
But my heart had a different conclusion
I am in love with another man
And that disregards your lifetime plans
That can no longer include me and you
We have to let this go once and for all
Even if this weren’t the case, there has always been something blocking my fall
I can’t explain it, but for you my heart just won’t allow me to feel
I guess the up and downs and back and forth’s, has kept my barriers sealed
Knowing I could never recover from another heartbreak
Those risks are too great for my heart to again partake
This time you were just a little bit too late
I gave up on these years that for us no longer await
Even so, my heart is already spoken for
And my true love I can never ignore
He has me in totality like no other
So now we must permanently part ways, because I am in love with another

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Yours

You got me
My whole heart has your name written all over it
Visions of you are etched within my spirit
I yearn only for you
It’s you that I crave
I bask the brightest glow within my smile
That you keep on my face
Day and night
Just the mere thought of you
Captures each moment on replay
Every second of us flood my heart
The keeper of our secrets
Confide in our souls
Merged together
Our connection in an unstoppable force
That grows in strength
With each passing second
No one else stands a chance
Attempts go unnoticed
Unfazed by any other
Because, I belong to you

Monday, September 23, 2013

Run Away

am starting to feel feelings of love and I want to run
As far as possible in the opposite direction
Maybe a distraction or start an argument and be done
I just can't trust this passion, this longing affection
Replaying doubts and what if's for every possible scenario of what could go wrong 
Running before any sign of trouble, attempting to avoid heartbreak 
I can't imagine having to be strong
That mourning again I just can't take
But I want love more than anything else ever
I dream about it day and night
But nothing is a guarantee to last forever
It's a losing battle to even put up a fight
Because I feel everything deeper than most
I can't put my heart on the line to again be broken in shattered pieces
I just want to pack a bag and disappear to the coast
Get away until these feelings cease
But it's calling me by my name
Getting louder and louder not allowing me to rest
I can't repeat more of the same
I don't have the strength to pass this test
Mind clouded locating the easiest escape route to an unknown destination
Throwing away the keys to my heart
Raising my barriers for protection against deception
Running for me has been some form of art
And I don't know how to let anyone completely in
Vulnerability is uncomfortable and uncontrollable, avoiding at all cost
Images of the smirky grins 
As the lies my mind believed but in the end my love lost
How can I even consider putting myself out there
How could I have even allowed these feeling to grow 
How do I know he is sincere and truly cares
How do I just go with the flow
I have gotten myself in just a little too deep
And I don't know how to cope
Out of nowhere these feelings through the crevices seeped 
Now I feel like I am falling down the slipperiest slope
With no ability to grasp onto anything to pull myself out
No control over these emotions being felt
But living life without
A true love is not the hands I were dealt
I must learn how to let go of my fears and love with everything in me
I must learn to trust with all of my heart
But I don't know how to even clearly see
And I have no idea where even to start


Friday, September 20, 2013

Love Broken

The distance echoes feelings that remain unfelt
Separation of longing emotions dealt
Heart hardens with each passing moment of absence
Doubts cloud assurance
Sincerity now in question
Confessions kept in discretion
Hopes and dreams placed too high
The misread position no longer applied
No use in giving my all while your options are entertained
My heart is left bruised and stained
Time wasted, love misdirected
No resurrection after truths disconnected
Picking up the pieces and moving forward
Your attempts now being ignored
What’s left now when love restored vision
It takes more to make the best decisions
We cannot allow a distraction
And our obvious chemical reactions
Have us following with our hearts instead of our mind
When everything else is misaligned
Walking away is hard but it’s a must
To love’s unjust
Words left unspoken
Hearts left broken

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

My love is all I have

I don't know what it is that we are doing
Have no idea where we are going 
I just know that I can't let this go, I tried
They were real tears that my soul cried
Love was never meant to be perfect, it's not always flowers and sunsets
Life has a funny way of stepping in and won't allow your past to forget
Second guessing and doubting my gut instinct 
I over analyze and constantly rethink
What is it that he even see's in me that I can't see in myself 
My accounts are overdrawn and I am far from wealth
I have nothing to bring to the table
And at times I can be emotionally unstable
All I have to give is this love within me that is dying to be shared
To give me again without guarantee, I am more than scared 
But my heart didn't even put up a fight 
To my darkness, he is my light 
My vision is clear but it's only him that I see, I only yearn for he
I've given him hell and he still wants me
Still believes that there is a chance for us to succeed 
I have provided many opportunities for him to concede
It's obviously going to take a lot of communication and compromise
Our conflicting personalities and views will cause our previous plans to revise 
But it will allow a growth to develop and it's worth fighting for
The rewards can be so much more
Than previously imagined or even dreamed
Working together so that we are no longer fighting the current upstream 
The love inside of me has yet to be released in full capacity
But I can promise the strength of tenacity
My mind is made up and I am positive in my decision 
And I am willing to show him more than he could envision
I am now ready to give him all of me
To my heart, he has the only key
I don't know what it is that we are doing
Have no idea where we are going
But my heart didn't even put up a fight
To my darkness, he is my light
Will the past ever forgive 
Is my love enough, because its all I have to give 


 


Sunday, September 8, 2013

Crumbling Barriers

I taste the lies dripping from his tongue that taste as sweet as chocolate kisses
Falling for the words sugar coated
Melting my heart with promises of the world
While never even chasing rainbows
Never even enjoying the moon
Wishing upon the falling stars
His lies were so convincing
So truthful to my aching heart
Blinded by the glare in his eyes
Fooled but the fuckery in his voice
The tones of his lies were too sweet to give me a toothache
Until the clouds cleared
And I was finally able to see
The real truth from his chocolate covered lies
That kissed my lips 
And broke my heart into a million pieces 
Now I am here picking up the pieces of my broken heart
Unsure of my own gut feeling
I was fooled into believing in him 
Now I don't know which way is up or down
Doubting myself
Not even sure how to trust another again
The barriers around my heart grow thicker
Secluded myself 
For years I ran from any possibility of vulnerability
I had stopped even the thoughts of a relationship

When all of a sudden he came out of no where
And showed such persistence 
Then he kissed me like that
Still attempting restraint
I kept my barriers intact
But each stimulating conversation drew me in closer to him 
His mind captured my attention
His touch felt like Heaven
His kisses took me on a journey 
Through roses gardens and melodies 
I never imagined letting someone else in
This close to my heart
But he just feels right
Relaxing my fears and doubt
He just makes perfect sense
The passion within his frame I can't help but feel to my core
His love radiates my being
It had been so long since I felt that these feelings 
They were hard to internalize 
I didn't know how to act
Had no idea what to do or how to not act
It scared me so I attempted to push him away
Even tried to run from him
His consistency kept pulling me back 
Because the reality was 
That I already am in love with him
As much as I tried to deny it
My heart belonged to him
So eventually I gave in
And set my pride to the side
Allowing myself to feel his love
Allowing myself to feel vulnerable 
For only his eyes to see
Submitting to allow this love to flow
Like the blood in my veins
Taking it slow
Allowing natural progression to lead the way
Allowing my barriers to crumble

Friday, September 6, 2013

Just living in this moment

I just can't get this man out of my head
My heart in his direction is continuously led
No matter what else may seem best
My soul in his hands comfortably rests 
He is in the smell of my hair
Behind the visions of my stare
My scents flavor is enhanced by the pheromones together released
The volumes of each tone has increased
In every thought that crosses my mind
Each second on the hands of time
The whispers in my ear only rings his voice
My majestic desires of choice
The sensuality of my sexual drive
It's only him that controls how my body thrives
Each tear of joy that escapes my eyes
The pleasurable moments that hear my cries
He is forever embedded into my spirit
Responsible for writing the words to my lyrics
He is the motivation behind my appeal
The holder of the secrets that I conceal
The reason that letting go can never be an option
Taking the good and bad mixing our own concoction 
Figuring out what works best for us
Because its obvious that this has reached far beyond lust
Forgetting yesterday and not focused on tomorrow
Not interested in the time in between that was on borrow
Engulfing in the presence of now 
No longer worried about the when and how
Resting assured in contentment 
Just living in this moment




Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Impatiently

Attached to my phone
Looking for a text or to hear the sound of his ringtone
Every second resisting the urge to call
Just to hear his voice
Debating on sending this good morning text
Deciding against
I know I have said enough
He knows where I stand
Fighting back tears
Trying to be patient
But it’s pure torture
Every moment without him
I can’t think of anything else
My heart is on the line
I put it all out there
I feel vulnerable
Not sure of what else that can be done
Knowing I need to leave it be
For the moment
Trying to distract my mind
But nothing is working
Sitting on the edge of my seat
Waiting
For him to come to me
With open arms
Allowing my love back in
I know in reality it isn’t that easy
I understand why we are at this point
But I just can’t shut off these feelings
Can’t push away this love
That has me captive
So, I will continue to wait
Ever so impatiently

Monday, September 2, 2013

I miss us

As much as I try to deny it, I love him
With every breath left in my body
From the deepest depths of my soul
I miss the way he used to kiss me with such passion
The way he held me with such care
The way our hearts connected and spoke the language of love
I miss his scent filling my air
Caressing his chest
I miss laying in his arms not having to say a word
And the unspoken being felt on every inch of our bodies 
My heart longs for what was
Wondering if we will ever find our way back
To this love that has full control of me
I miss him... I miss us

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Vengeful Envy

The wind whispered secrets in my ear of truths and falsies 
Spread further than the eyes could see
Beneath so-called friendships were deceiving lies all the while smiling in my face
Sucking away the air from my personal space
Vultures hovering over each word and sentence thinking of ways to construe
Attempting to take away joys and life with untruths
Little did they know their evil intentions were recognized for exactly what they were
Resistance made the pot difficult to stir
Sticking their noses in business that they had no right to assume
Victory prevailed never taking flight to consume
Privacy no longer being private, publicity became a dark shadow luring in defiance 
But in the end the real story became truths reliance
While side chatter will always continue
An arms lengths distance will now ensue
Nothing or no one can take the words from my heart and sound from my lips
It's just now my mind is stronger than hateful grips
I now can see the real from the fake
And my happiness will never again be at stake
No one has the power to take what's truly mine
In my thoughts my secrets are now confined
Lessons learned reserving my trust
True love has more strength than envy and lust
I can forgive but never forget so save any apologies or pleads
Vengeance in the end has no choice but to concede


Saturday, August 10, 2013

Beautiful Silence

Just laying here in your arms I feel your soul connected to mine
Tingly sensations run up and down my spine
As I lie on your shoulder and caress your chest, each inch of your skin I kiss
Each second of our love making over and over I reminisce
Words not needed because each emotion is being felt and our eyes tell no lies
As each sunset’s, in you my sun rises
Our lips connect in ways that defy language with our own interpretations
Physical actions create cosmic salutations
Telepathically speaking our own heartfelt dialect
Communicating directly indirect
Brushing my hair to the side leaving kissed stained cheeks
In unidentified tongues our passion speaks
Imperfect perfections of moon gliding and spiritual dances
Right side up but yet upside down my heart and mind collectively enhances
I feel a war of spiritual revolution
Each nerve ending rejoices in electrocution
Brainwaves create inner galactic sound waves of our rhythmic harmony
Melodically script writing love-filled symphonies
Star surfing among constellations
With destiny being our destination
Inside out and outside in I feel you
As stained glass I see only you through
Feeding off the words unspoken yet spoken loud and clear
Our hearts so naturally cohered
Beyond explanation
Loves diagnosis without question or examinations
Flowing through each other as a river of inner commotion
Mixing pheromone ingredients of our unique love potion
Addiction remedies to a fiend’s lust
Beyond words being discussed
Lavishing in assurance of a non-verbal communicated alliance
Our souls speaking our beautiful silence