Monday, December 19, 2011


Good Morning All! I have been unable to get on my blog lately. Sooo much has been going on. I see when I am able to post from my phone app, my followers are sliming down. I am also not able to return the love as much. 

The pics above were from my Poetry Reading Saturday night. I did soooooo much better this time. I read slower, learned how to use the mic :) and everyone was able to hear every word. I was nervous, but did not allow that to affect my performance.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Stage Fright

Its not easy to get up here
With an audience so near
Eyes focused on me awaiting the message I am to deliver
To my core I feel a shiver
The pit of my stomach is in knotts
From the spotlight I am starting to see spots
That lump in my throat forming
My embarassment of performing
But I am making yet another attempt to overcome my fears
And in front of others sharing my tears
Friends and family for years didn't even know I wrote
Words that only to the paper I spoke
My hearts desires written in words that define me as a whole
Demonstrating the love that seeps from the depths of my soul
As well as detailing some of my dissapointments that led to anger
Up here, sharing a part of me in front of strangers
This mic extremely terrifies me
As much as I try to hide its obvious to see
No matter how well I know the piece, my mind goes blank
I bring a back -up reference, so I won't have to think
Because poetry is my lifes eyesight
If I can only get over this damn stage fright

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Affects of AIDS

It all started with a cough that just wouldn't go away
He still hadn't even admitted he was gay
He felt sick every day, he knew something wasn't quite right
He didn't have the strength anymore to fight this fight
After confirmation, then came deep depression
His family finally heard his heartfelt confessions
Depression took over and consumed
His worst fears were a reality and no longer assumed
He gave up hope completely
He was grieving inside deeply
Seclusion was his first defense
Total lies his lover told were the greatest offense
He now needed assistance with moms care
The pain was more then he could bare
His body was covered with a horrible rash
Continuously cursing at everyone, breaking moms heart with each lash
He didn't have the energy to get out of bed
It caused extreme pain to even move his head
Thresh would build up in his throat causing him to choke
His only enjoyment was his coffee and to smoke
His friends didn't understand and was scared to come around
Feelings of abandonment were profound
He lost so much weight that he looked like a skeleton covered with skin
He felt as if he were being punished for his sins
He refused his medication because he no longer wanted his life prolonged
This world he never felt as if he really belonged
He was always teased and tortured his entire childhood
It was obvious he was gay just by the way he stood
In his final days he told mom he saw God and that He needed him
He said the flowers in His garden were so amazingly beautiful even down to the stems
But he didn't want to leave his mother here
She told him his time to leave was near
She would miss him dearly but couldn't stand to see him suffer another day
Saying goodbye to her son wasn't easy finding the right words to say
Watching the constant torture was driving her insane
After three long years of suffering and pain
I knew he was gone at 5am, as soon as I heard the phone ringing
It sounded just like the angels were singing
He was now pain free and in a better place
Now life without him was not easy to face

Friday, November 18, 2011


I have lost my motivation
My need for a standing ovation

Its hard to write when things are down
And even harder to reverse this frown

Everything is hitting me all at once
Piling up for months

My faith is constantly being tested
My mind is restless

Confusion invades
Scattered thoughts persuade

A strong need to release
And again find that inner peace

Rebuking these constant attacks
Forcing my motivation back

Thursday, November 3, 2011


Well I am going to try to read two of my pieces tonight. Trying so hard to get over my stage frieght. I am going to read "Whisper" and "Real" that have been recently posted. Please pray that I can get through this..this time


Soft whispers in my ear
Ignoring the sounds that I hear

Heading in the direction I feel
Forgetting nightly to kneel

Stressing because nothing is going as planned
And I don't understand

Not happy with the person I became
But still I don't hear Him calling my name

Daily He makes his presence known
The inevitable postponed

Until I had no choice but to turn to Him
Bringing light to what was once dim

Overwhelming feelings
Of an inner healing

Letting go of personal expectations
No longer worrying about complications

My path is now clear
Allowing His word to adhere

In His joy I rejoice
Reconizing His voice

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


A wordsmith left speechless
Unable to capture the intensity of feelings felt
No rythmn can display the beating of my heart
The depths of this love no one can envision
Justice not conveyed in the simplicity of words


I love from the core of my soul,
With everything in me

Freely given yet sometimes stolen,
At times my mind and heart don't agree

I haven't always made smart choices,
Giving my love to those that didn't deserve

Ignoring the signs and inner voices,
Even went years with my love on reserve

Ran from true love staring me in the face,
Scared to again be hurt

Although my heart was still beating at a rapid pace,
My one and only I chose to dessert

But without his love I couldn't breathe,
Feeling totally empty and alone

As much as I denied true love was already concieved,
Chill bumps formed from just his tone

My whole heart is only his to claim,
All the love inside that I have to give

Since the day we met I have never been the same,
That love we once shared I want to relive

Thursday, October 27, 2011


Looking for your love in all the wrong faces
Running from you, leaving my heart displaced
The more I ran, the more I wanted you
I have always been yours, and you always knew
Loving you scared me to my core
But always left me wanting more
I allowed past mistakes to interfere
With what I already knew to be sincere
Even when we became distant
Attempting to be resistant
Everything in me, loves you with everything I have to give
That place in me that your love lives
No one can replace
With any other face
I can no longer deny how I feel
I can no longer run from what's real


Keep checking my phone,
Making sure I haven't missed a call or text

My heart is aching for your touch,
Loving you is a natural reflex

Missing time spent,
The feel of your kisses absorbed

Can't get enough of you,
Wanting you more and more

Your voice rings in my ear
Your tone makes me feel as your near

Anticipating the day our eyes again meet
Giving in to our hearts defeat


You are the air in my lungs
The ink that bleeds from my pen
Displaying life inspirations
My heart beats to its own rythmn
Poetry imerges from my pores

Sunday, October 23, 2011


Here is me on stage trying to read

Thursday, October 20, 2011


I reposted the last three poems for easy access became I was to do a reading. I tried soo hard but soooooo choked


Hollowed heart and dented frame
Buried deep, love remnants remain
Echoes of repeated mistakes
Mind no longer aches
Inner peace and joy refill
With the strength of God's will
Truth no longer concealed
Once broken, now healed


Mind drifting to places unknown
Sighs float in the wind like a whisper
Smelling the frangrance of his cologne
Images are bright and getting crisper

Seconds and hours disappear
Times lost does not return
The past seems far but near
Feelings capture and do not adjourn

Moments embraced as the clock ticks
Words no longer able to say
Broken promises remain unfixed
Memories constantly replay

Just Once More

Lying here in this bed next to him
Wanting him to touch and love me until my knees go numb
Longing to feel his soft kisses on my neck
Loving me all the way down past the small of my back
His hands gently caressing my thighs
Making my senses alert and sensitive to his touch
Craving to feel him deep inside
Taking me to our sensual place
Induldging into pure ecstasy
Falling asleep in his arms
Awakening to his much desired kisses
But instead
I lay next to this man that I love with every molecule of my body
Hurting, missing the love we shared
Both knowing we cannot be, not now
But our love is so powerful it keeps pulling us back
Now we lay here as two friends would
Pretending we don't want to give in
Just once more...

Monday, October 3, 2011


Sorry for the long hiatas. Soo much has been going on in my world, good and bad. I was originally working hard doing end of fiscal year close outs just to find out that our company lost our contract last week. So after the inital shock of being jobless I am now motivated and positvely pursuing where I want my career to go. With the help of good friends and my faith, I know bigger and better things are coming and I can no longer worry. Now that I will have plenty of time on my hands I will have no exuse not to write :)

I was having trouble posting from the bloggerdroid app so I am now posting from the reg blogger app so I hope this one works better.

Friday, September 9, 2011


Cleansed my heart from past pains
My confidence I regained
The ability to trust
A clear vision to see past lust
Speaking what comes to mind
Biting my tongue has resigned
Stronger I stand
Respect I demand
Taking life one day at a time
Cherishing each journey I climb

TGIF!!!! This really wasnt heavy on my heart, but the words formed as they are. I am thinking someone needed a reminder of this strength and overcoming I have displayed...I dont question what comes out naturally...I hope everyone has a safe and blessed weekend!

Thursday, September 8, 2011


Awakening to your kisses
Your scent consumed as I breathe in
Last night’s passion reminisced
This is the way each day should begin
Smiling from the inside out
With that extra stride in my step
At the top of my lungs I shout
That next level overstepped
Love displayed in my eyes
Wearing my heart on my sleeve
Within emotions arise
Each day, a stronger love we conceive

Good Morning All! This is just how I am feeling this morning :) Just how those morning kisses set your day off... *wink*

Thursday, September 1, 2011


The ticking of the clock has my heart on edge
Pondering the evidence and truths you allege
Tired of the same old games
The reasons your actions claim
Being the only one to put forth sacrifice
While your appetite you continue to entice
Telling me the same as your telling them
After I put my heart out on the limb
Gave you another chance
An opportunity for us to advance
You’re only confessing because you were caught
With no account for my feelings left distraught
After my trust you promised never to again break it
But instead you chose to forsake it
The overwhelming feeling left me gut wrenched
Pain grabbed my heart and tightly clenched
Tears I refused to shed
Words remain to be left unsaid
My actions turning heartless and cold
Love now on withhold
The relief of you walking away I observe
Knowing the value I deserve
I can no longer accept you as a loved one
Since you can’t be honest, I am officially done

Wednesday, August 31, 2011


Confusion invades and brings me doubt
Shedding light on everything I am unclear about
Causing me to be indecisive
As well as apprehensive
I want to learn to trust my heart
And finish what I start
Maybe I am more “in love” with being loved
And scared to live life feeling unloved
Still learning how to love and give my all
With confidence to stand tall
Instead of pulling people in, just to run away
Allowing my heart to be easily led astray
Knowing I need to let go
And take things slow
In order to make better decisions
To see beyond my line of vision
Just when I think I am healed
Someone comes from left field
Making my heart skip a beat
Forgiving me for my deceit
But I am still unsure
If I am strong enough to endure
Every time I try to move on
My attention is drawn
For a love that still pulsates my being
While doubts have my heart disagreeing
Not sure which way to turn
To receive the love I yearn
Trying to see clearly through this delusion
And break free from this state of confusion

Hello All! WHY of WHY does his voice STILL make my heart skip a beat? The second I attempt to move you, he is right there...Why does he have such a hold on my heart? That I just cant break free of...

Friday, August 26, 2011

Earthquake + Hurricane/Tropical Storm

Good Morning All! Things have been quite crazy in MD this week, hince me not posting. First of all Tuesday around 2pm while sitting at my desk the entire building started to shake. Mind you I am in a really old wooden bldg that should be condemed already...Its so bad that there are areas in the hall that we avoid so we wont fall through on a our building shook way harder than a normal brick building would have. And I have never felt that feeling ever before. We arent used to that on the East Coast at ALL...Almost makes me never want to even travel to Cali. Scared the mess out of me forreal, esp not even knowing what the heck it was. I am still a little shaken but have a poem brewing from that expereince...Still pissed I sat in 3 hours of traffic that day because of people in a panic.

Now, Saturday evening we are looking out for Hurricane Irene that is supposed to gives us a tropical storm and flash floods. So, this has just been a very scary week all together.

I hope that everyone has a great weekend, be safe and blessed!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Eyes Wide Open

Clarity in my vision
Clear and concise decisions
Knowing exactly what I want and need
From lessons learned, I now heed
Voice of reasoning in my ears
No need to front, everything is as it appears
Taking control of my destiny
My worth has endless density
To your words and actions, I listen
Everything I need to know, is given
Smarter with my choices
Adhering to the inner voices
Recognizing ill intentions from the door
Knowing I deserve more
My future has already been chosen
Eyes wide open

Good Morning All! This is how I am feeling this morning...Tired of the bs...Flipping the page...

Monday, August 22, 2011

Hearts Align

Your touch absorbed within
Soaked in the depths of my skin
Your kisses make my heart smile
Making each second worthwhile
Your voice calms my mood
My spirit relaxed and subdued
Your hugs are warming and secure
Sublime moments always allure
Your scent awakens my senses
Natural emotion dispenses
Your eyes reflect truth and sincerity
Ensuing doubtless clarity
Feelings felt, I can no longer deny
Your love leaves me high
Your lips form poetry to my ears
While drying my tears
As our hands intertwine
Our hearts perfectly align

Good Monday Morning! I am feeling a lil sexy this morning :)

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Through the Fire

I have been through the fire
Made plans from this earth to expire
I experienced homelessness, rape(s), and molestations
That attempted to crack my foundation
But what my father did hurt worse than any other
I went through two divorces and battled lifelong depression
But in the end, I have learned more than one lesson
I got off track but found my way back
Gaining the strength I lacked
My daughters gave me my motivation
But God’s Word prevented total desolation
And gave me back the fight and faith I required
To survive through the fire

Good Morning All! This one came from the heart...

Wednesday, August 17, 2011


Hold me tight and secure
And with your eyes allure
Your sincerity that is within
And the sexiness in your grin
Smiling from the inside out
Not falling victim to doubt
Enjoying now without expectations
Releasing any limitations
Open and allowing a natural flow
No explanations to owe
Cherishing each moment spent
Comfortably and content

Good Morning All! So many people put too many expectations on things...This reflects just allowing things to happen naturally, and whatever happens...happens...This is something I have had to work on over the years myself...So its a lot more fun just chilling out...and accepting whatever comes...

Tuesday, August 16, 2011


The yearning and aching
My heart continuously re-breaking
At the thought of my actions
My moment of distraction
Succumbing to weakness
Not appreciating your uniqueness
As the keeper of my heart
I know It’s my fault that we are apart
And that nothing can take back what’s done
But this heartache I can’t seem to outrun
This longing within my soul
That only your love can console

Good Morning ALL! I just recently talked to my ex boyfriend (Navy) and he has been reminding me of how badly I hurt him...Which is so hard to hear...My heart breaks at the thought of him hurting...He is obviously still feeling it...But yet, at the same time he misses me...and cant stop loving me...After I hurt him over and over and over (Which he NEVER deserved) how could he STILL have love for me? Why does he not hate me? I was insecure, and couldnt wait for my Navy man...So this poem reflects the heartache from all that I have done...that I cannot take back...

Friday, August 12, 2011



Not a moment goes by
That my body doesn't crave
The way our tongues tie
Tasting each second memory saved
Soft kisses on my neck and lips
I cant even pretend to resist
Pure love sips
Drunken passion twisted
Tingling sensation
Floating high
Loves creation
Nothing denied
Everything kissable
Ecstasy irresistible

Hello ALL! I am posting this because maybe I kinda miss this feeling...I am feeling sexy, but dont have the person to feel this way about...But thats totally cool with me! I am enjoying the "now"...There is someone...but I am def taking my time to get to this level...He doesnt even know all the barriers that have to be broken to get to my heart...

Thursday, August 11, 2011



Forming a plan to devise
A smooth lateral transition
My strategies I will advise
To accomplish the target mission
My capabilities will go above and beyond
Anything ever expected
Forming lasting relationships as I correspond
Honored to be the one selected
Now it’s my time to shine and uplift
To demonstrate perfection
My decisions will charge each shift
Time to share my ideas and projections

Good Morning All! I tried to write this morning but nothing seemed to form for me...My thoughts are scattered...I am reposting this because this is where my mind is...Focused on what all I have to do...I am posting as a reminder for me to get my focus back...

Wednesday, August 10, 2011


Releasing my heart
Of anything that doesn’t fit
Into the visions I have planned

Releasing feelings and hurt
To love and accept
The good and bad

Releasing words from my mouth
With only truth and sincerity
No longer biting my tongue

Releasing negativity and drama
Not feeding into nonsense
Because I am a lady in every sense

Releasing anyone who doesn’t deserve
To receive all the love inside me
I am worthy of cherishing

Releasing to set free
All that is not for me
Weights lifted, rejoicing in release

Good Morning All! This is sort of a rant...Last night I did some releasing...I honestly told him the details of me moving on, eventhough it hurt him to the core...I had to be straight up, because there was nothing he could say or do to make my feelings towards him change...Now I feel like a dead weight has been lifted off of my chest and out of my life...Now I am looking toward a bright future...Heading back in the direction I am destine for...

Monday, August 8, 2011

Love Lost

After your deception I am unable to trust
My heart is not forgiving of the unjust
My barriers have now been raised
And any effort to repair goes unfazed
Once those lines have been crossed
I can’t regain what has been lost
Anything else now will be time wasted
Love can never again be tasted

Good Morning All! I wrote this just to post on facebook to let someone know just how I feel lol...I give a fair chance...I tried to show with my actions but he still isnt getting the hint...I have already moved on ;) and no longer chose to pretend...

Thursday, August 4, 2011


With closed eyes my visions are clear
Almost like a dream he appears
Holding me tight and whispering in my ear
Truths in his eyes give me comfort that he is sincere

Hesitations and doubt quickly dismiss
Feeling the passion with each kiss
Creating the depth of an oceanic abyss
On times yet to be shared in my mind I reminisce

Good Morning All! I had no idea what to write until a text gave me this inspiration :)

PS: Anyone who has a blog that I have to log into, I am unable to comment. But this doesnt mean that I am not reading...Do people really get that much spam on here that they need someone to log in just to comment :(

Wednesday, August 3, 2011


I must admit I am intrigued to know more
Than the exterior décor
Physical attraction initially caught our attention
Curious to discover each level of your dimension
Enjoying the current conversation exchange
Looking forward to plans being arranged
And time spent getting to know
How deep our friendship is able to go
Feeling vibes brought by mutual sensuosity
I am intrigued with strong curiosity

Good Morning All! This write was a little forced today. It is how I am feeling right at this very moment about a certain someone...But since there arent really many feelings attached in the begining of getting to know a person, it was hard for me to relay the vibes that are flowing within me. I dont want to make any assumptions about anyone or even get hopes up. I like to take my time and enjoy day by day and whatever happens, happens naturally...

Tuesday, August 2, 2011


We rise up just to fall back down
Daily trying our best not to drown
Having that one that’s by your side
Holding you tight through this roller coaster ride
When life knocks you from every angle thought of
Providing strength and joy only given through His love
Makes every second of every day worth the fight
Finding true peace and happiness despite

Good Morning All!  I just wanted to remind everyone, that despite it ALL...He will carry you when you cannot walk...I wanted to do a sensual, sexy piece today because that is kinda how I am feeling...But these words spilled through my pen...So an inspirational day it is :) enjoy!

Ok, I did a quick name change of this blog...I got tired of "Inside Jstar's Head" because its not technically true...My words are not even a thought...They flow directly from my heart onto paper...With no reason or rhyme at times...or even understanding...So until I come up with something catchy...Poetically Jstar it is :)

Monday, August 1, 2011


Your kisses melt me into a liquidation form
To your body I conform
Our hearts beating in sync
From lustful passion we drink

Ok, I know this is really short...but its kinda all I wanted to say...You know that kiss, that words just cant describe...This is what I am talkin about...

Friday, July 29, 2011


Hollowed heart and dented frame
Buried deep, love remnants remain
Echoes of repeated mistakes
Mind no longer aches
Inner peace and joy refill
With God’s will
Truth no longer concealed
Once broken, now healed

Short and sweet...Its shows an overcoming of the darkness within that so many people deal with...Giving testimony that this CAN be overcome and inner peace and joy ARE possible within HIS WILL!!!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I Still...

I still taste his love within my soul
I still feel his touch on my skin
I still crave his kisses on my neck
I still feel his arms around me
I still smell his scent with every breath
I still hear his voice whispering in my ear
I still envision him in my future
I still dream of him like he never left
I still remember every moment with him
I still love him with everything in me
I still know we could never again be
I still miss him

Good Morning All! Ok now, here is a lil somethin somethin...Still not sure who was really my muse for this one but these words came to my while driving to work...Maybe someone is missing someone and needed to hear these words...But we all do have that one that got away and still think of time to time...

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Gone Too Long

I know I have been gone too long
But so much has been going on
I haven’t had a free moment to sit and write
Thousands of words are floating in my head despite
Unable to release
Can’t wait until this chaos cease’s
Not that any of it has been bad
Or any reasons to be sad
It’s just this thing called life getting in the way
Blocking the words I am dying to say
I promise, soon I will again write from my heart
And never again from you depart

Hello All! I sincerely applogize for being away wayyyy toooo long. I have been VERRRRRYYY busy at work finishing up this project. And also dealing with the worst toothache/migrane in the WORLD...Its FINALLY been taken care of and I am still living despite lol...This was a quick two minute poem to express my sorrow for not being able to write lately....This will soon change :) Keep looking out!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Happy 15th Birthday Erika

Happy 15th Birthday to my Munchkin Erika!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Commenting Issues

Is anyone else having issues commenting on certain blogs? I tried on several computers and it keeps making sign in then after I do it brings me back to the log in screen :(

Wednesday, June 29, 2011


I remember
The first moment I felt you growing in my stomach
When I first laid eyes on your beautiful face
I still remember the first time you smiled
You learning how to hold your bottle
As well as crawling and then walking

I remember
The silly games we would play
The singing and dancing
And making crazy faces
Playing dress up and tea time
But hide and go seek was your favorite

I remember
Your first day of Kindergarten
And you forgetting to get off the school bus
The first picture you drew me of those spiders
All of your artwork I still have to enjoy your growth
The field trips to the pumpkin farm

I remember
Preparing you for your eight grade dance
And your transition to high school
Homecomings and track meets
Your first boyfriend and breakup
Now your first love and senior prom shopping

You have graduated high school
And heading off to college
You have just turned eighteen
And learning how to drive
Making me proud to be your mother

I wish
Nothing but the best for you
Although life is far from easy
You are a smart and strong young beautiful woman
And have the world right in front of you to enjoy to the fullest
Just know I will always be here for you, no matter what

Hello All! Today is my oldest daughters 18th birthday and I wrote this for her today...

Friday, June 24, 2011

Eye Gazing

Eyes deeply gazing, glossing and glowing
Sparking a green and brown combination
Peeking through my lashes
Clearly displaying the love pouring out of my heart and soul
My smile is relaxed yet sincere
Feeling secure and safe releasing my heart to you
Comforted by the support of your lap beneath my head
Facially expressing a woman happily in love

This poem was attempting to reflect the look in my eyes and how I was feeling at that particular moment in time.


I am testing out this new blogger ap from my android :) this wil make me not have any exuse to neglect my blog! I haven't been able to put together a whole poem lately but have posted random thoughts on my facebook. I will have to change that really soon

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Two Becoming One

Butterflies fluttering, tickling within
Chill bumps forming
Feathering across my skin
Forehead kisses trailing
Along my neck to the smalls of my back
Anticipation unveiling
Closed eyes, colors fading to black
Feeding off of senses
Sensuality liquidating
Whispers of tongues dispense
Ecstasy naturally sedating
Emotions intertwine
Timeless seconds sung
Love redefined
Two becoming one

Good Morning! This is my attempt to capture the beauty of love making...tastefully...

Wednesday, June 15, 2011


Your love is like a breath of fresh air
Making my senses alert and aware
In love with the way you love me
And rest assure my hearts plea
Healing my past pains
Finding that love inside that still remains
Teaching me how to let go and allow love in
Kissing my tear drops that flow within
My doubts and insecurities slowly disappearing
Heartache no longer fearing
Commitment standing above
Regardless, I will be loved

The last line is from Maroon 5, She Will Be Loved-One of my fav songs...I think its my favorite because I have desired to be loved for so long that I almost thought it wasnt possible...

Thursday, June 9, 2011

CONGRATS Tanaesha!

Congrats to my babigirl for graduating High School yesterday :) I am so proud of her! I know I have to let her grow into the woman she is fastly becoming. Letting go and allowing her to make her own mistakes is the hardest of all! But I will ALWAYS be there for her to guide her on her journey! CONGRATS Tanaesha Lashaye Leak! Enjoy the best life has to offer!


PS: I have been having issues with blogger on commenting on a lot of my fav blogs, but I do want you to know that I am reading...Even if I am unable to comment...

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


Fairytales do not truly exist
Although sleeping beauty is awaiting to be kissed
Prince Charming will indeed disappoint
Hopes and dreams will of course disjoint
But that’s the realities of life
Take comfort in promises of the afterlife
There is happiness that can only be found within
Don’t allow the issues of the world to get under your skin
God can release your burdens and take all your pain
As well as give you the strength to sustain
This God-given joy cannot be taken unless you allow
Enjoy the here and now
And everything else will fall in its rightful place
Once you love you and give God control
You will feel peace in your soul
Remain smiling when your train derails
Knowing life is never a fairytale

Friday, June 3, 2011


I am grateful for my struggles because they have made me stronger
Even if that means I have to struggle a little longer

I am grateful because I have made it this far even if my steps are gradual
My goals I keep up front and center in my visual

I am grateful for all of my pain and heartaches because they have made me wiser
I now seek God for guidance as my only advisor

I am grateful for my tears and depression because they have made me thankful
And appreciative of the peace in my heart that has made me truly joyful

I am grateful for the love my daughters have shown
And my downfalls are lessons learned for not me alone

I am grateful for Gods continuous mercy and grace
Even when my actions were displaced

I am grateful for each and every blessing I have been given
And that my sins with prayer are forgiven

I am grateful for each day I awake
Having another chance to correct my mistakes

Good Morning All!  This was inspired by todays inspirational morning message from Steve Harvey this morning. Its a reminder to me that no matter what, I have reasons to be grateful...From the good to the bad...Because in the end, everything has a purpose....In that pains and hurt, we need to look harder to find the true blessing...

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Distant Mind

Loved ones seem so distant
Their love is being so resistant
They don’t even know
Because my sacrifices haven’t shown
Their voices seem so far away
Their hearts led astray
But I am still pushing on
Even if they notice me withdrawn
Mind racing in constant thought
My battles have already been fought
Focused on my goals
Worrying about only that I can control

Good Morning All! I wrote this one about my teenagers and that teenage-know-it-all attitude...I love my girls...but this is the time they start pushing away...I am there, as always...but allowing them to feel themselves for the moment...

Wednesday, May 25, 2011



Your voice in my ear echoes
Loud and clear, sending chills
Exploding like a volcano
Firing lava distills
From the after affects,
Never again the same
Energy redirected
Senses inflame
Lust reaching heights
Never before known
Inner fire ignites
Adding volume to each tone
Bliss in each breath taken
Tasting each kiss
Sensitivity awakened
Echoes drifting into our abyss

Good Morning All! This is a fresh one...I hope you enjoy :)

Friday, May 20, 2011



Our magnetism is electrifying
Your kisses are hypnotizing
The warmth of assurance
Motivational endurance
Everlasting passion
Lingering scents of jasmine
Breathless sounds uttering
Leaving hearts fluttering
Flying above and beyond
Bodies instinctively respond
Oceans flowing deep
Desires are ours to keep
Giving emotions density
With a breath of serenity

Good Morning All! I am attempting to discipline myself to write. At times I get too caught up with life to even allow myself to let go and release all the feelings locked inside with my pen...I hope you enjoyed todays release :)

PS: Isnt that an amazing picture! and its my favorite color :) I just couldnt resist...

Thursday, May 19, 2011



Inside I feel depression forming
A constant mourning
Disappointment that things aren’t going as planned
Feeling weaker as I stand
Like my legs are about to give
Suffering being relived
As I take steps ahead
I begin to lose my tread
And fall further back
With my face being smacked
Tired of struggling
Day to day juggling
Just to get by
Blessings seem to be on standby
I suppose this is a lesson to gain strength
But how long is this ropes length
I am ready for a break
So sick of this heartache
Stress and worry are weighing me down
Getting harder not to frown
These feelings I want to overwrite
Not sure if I have the energy to continue this fight

Good Morning All! I have actually been pretty good lately...But yesterday things just got a little crazy..If it isnt one thing, its another...I am just soooo tired...and today it shows in my mood and in my face...I had to force myself to write and this was the way I felt so it carried over into this poem...I do have happier things to write about...I am just not feeling any of that at this particular moment...

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


I so applogize for being MIA recently. I havent even had a chance to breath much less release my feelings into any type of form. My oldest daughter had her senior prom and getting ready for graduation. And now my youngest is getting ready for her 8th grade prom and middle school graduation...Not to mention work keeps me very busy lately.  But all in all, good things are happening. I have started seeing someone :) and that is going great...

Well I have to run now...but I will leave with a few pics...of my babies prom and my new hair cut and color :)



Monday, May 2, 2011



There is no justice in death by taking one’s life with your hands
Taking responsibility with what you think are His plans
It’s not our right or place to judge
For our own personal grudge
Vengeance is an act of hate
Where is your morality rate
Two wrongs don’t make it right
We are responsible for death despite
Who started the nonsense
All in the name of defense
In the end its still murder that’s unjust
Doing what we think is a must
At what cost
Lives are still lost

Good Morning All! Am I the only person not celebrating the murder? Is it our right to judge or take life from another? Regardless if you have a uniform or badge...In the end you will still have to answer to God...Murder is murder...To me, two wrongs don't make a right...Our hands are now filled with blood...ever since this war started...This war is not even possible to win...So now we await their promises of more death and what we can retaliate again...When does is end???  I foresee the world wars mentioned in "Revelations" coming to pass...

Tuesday, April 26, 2011


Exhausted physically
And drained mentally

But I still have fight left in me
Displaying my smile for all to see

I have business to administrate
Plans and goals to create

Figuring out what’s next to begin
Not allowing exhaustion to set in

Friday, April 22, 2011

Thank You-Prayer

Thank You-Prayer

Thank you Lord for continously blessing our lives
Thank you for opening our eyes
To your promises and guarantees
Thank you for putting our troubles and worries at ease
Please give us strength to bear adversities
Fill us with the Word that accompanies
Your love and grace
Our hunger for your knowledge embraced
Thirst for your spirit overcomes
Guiding us to being the best we can become
Teaching us your Word as it empowers
Your glory and love continuously showers
Cleansing away our sins
Continue to walk with us as our journey begins
Help us overcome the devils constant attack
Fill us with the confidence we currently lack
Thank you again Lord for always having our back
Thank you for keeping our lives on track
Even when we thought we didnt have the strength to continue
Thank you for your love that always renews
Thank you Lord, Thank you
In Jesus name Amen

Good Morning All! Since it is Good Friday, I thought this would be fitting to repost...I just want to thank Jesus for his sacrafice so that we could be free! I hope everyone has a safe and blessed holiday!

Thursday, April 21, 2011



Mind drifting to places unknown
Sighs float in the wind like a whisper
Smelling the fragrance of his cologne
Images are bright and getting crisper

Seconds and hours disappear
Time lost does not return
The past seems far but near
Feelings capture and do not adjourn

Moments embraced as the clock ticks
Words no longer able to say
Broken promises remain unfixed
Memories constantly replay

Good Morning All! Not quite sure where this one came from...Not really missing any one particular person...Maybe missing that feeling of love...Theses words to came to me and spilled onto the paper...It wasnt on my mind consciously...But it flowed directly from my heart...

Wednesday, April 20, 2011



Why do I run from what I want most
Always dodging chances at love
The ability to release all that’s locked in my heart
That one to share life experiences with
That someone to hold me at night

Instead I sleep alone
Dealing with loneliness each day
Feeling incomplete
Missing companionship
Yearning to love

Scared of being hurt
Or wasting time when it doesn’t work
Not wanting to be disappointed
Expecting one who is perfect
Knowing that’s not reality

I need to allow love in
Stop reflecting on what may never happen
Take a chance that I may not regret
Learn how to feel again
And no longer ask myself why

Thursday, April 14, 2011



Spaces in between and out of time
Lost in thoughts absorbing the mind

Spaces where hours seem long
When you're tired of singing the same song

Spaces where words have no meaning
While each letter is hurtfully screaming

Spaces with no one to fill
Like your moving when you're lying still

Spaces where nothing matters
Talking tends to sound like chatter

Spaces that are crowded but empty
As is treatment with no remedy

Spaces that are deep and dark
Adding no fire to the spark

Spaces with endless faces
Depression provoked mind erases

Thursday, April 7, 2011



Forming a plan to devise
A smooth lateral transition
My strategies I will advise
To accomplish the target mission
My capabilities will go above and beyond
Anything ever expected
Forming lasting relationships as I correspond
Honored to be the one selected
Now it’s my time to shine and uplift
To demonstrate perfection
My decisions will charge each shift
Time to share my ideas and projections