Wednesday, June 19, 2013


I never had that good father role model to look up to
You weren’t there to show me how a man is supposed to treat me
All I remember is witnessing you lay hands on my step mom (RIP Joyce)
Imagining the times when you would do the same to my mom
Even though I was too young to remember
I heard the stories as well as seen you in action
And yea, although you didn't physically take Joyce's life, I blame you 
You spoiled me in rations
When it was convenient for you
And never when I needed you
Then as a developed young teen
You took an interest in something that I could have never imagined or foreseen
How could you even look at your daughter that way
I was innocent and didn’t want to believe my daddy would betray
Held that pain in for decades because I just couldn’t tell
The hurt you caused will never go completely away
Still from time to time the memories come back to haunt
I can’t blame you for the mistakes I made with men
But what foundation did you leave me with
The lessons you taught me were to accept less than I deserve
To give into the desires of men
To do as I am told or there will be consequences
You instilled fear, pain, nightmares and neglect
What was that supposed to teach
The bad supersedes any good memories
I almost feel that was even fake and never happened
All I wanted was my daddy
That daddy that could do no wrong
To protect and love me forever
Even decades later
I still think of you
Still miss you
I don’t understand why 
I still love you
You damaged me worse than anyone on this earth could ever
My entire life I searched for the love I lacked from you
Never even coming close to
Until I learned to love myself

Across my mind

Every time you run across my mind, my heart skips a beat
I inhale my breath deeply and feel such an intense rush of emotions
So intense that a tear escapes my eye and my smile brightens
The tingly sensation felt on every muscle in my body
That my knees feel like jelly type of feeling
My stomach does flips and turns like I am flying on the wings of a butterfly
That I feel like I am floating on the clouds type of feeling
My nose is filled with only your scent
My skin only craves your touch
My eyes only see visions of you
Next to me
My heart only desires you type feeling
I am feeling all of these feelings at this moment
Because you are running across my mind

I want this feeling to last from now until infinity
I want this passion to be constantly nurtured
Blossoming more and more with each second that passes
Foundations strengthened with each hour spent in each others arms
Breathless with each kiss
Souls connecting sharing a passion so intense that two spirits dance in harmony to the sound of beating hearts
Caressing the touch of each feeling felt
Instinctively knowing what the other needs
Responding to desires of pleasure that burn flames into our senses
Tongues create new patterns
The rivers of fluids combine into a love potion that leaves us craving more
Like we are trapped in a spell of emotions
Stung by the arrows of Cupid
Each day discovering new expressions that take us to even deeper into this oceanic abyss
Dark waters wave below the world above
The seclusions of outside interference
Basking in each moment
Locked in this time
Lavishly creating new memories to recall
Inspirations intensify with each breath
You are within me
I taste you in each fiber of my being
I feel you in each thought that crosses my mind
And that's how I know that I love you...