Done

The ticking of the clock has my heart on edge

Pondering the evidence and truths you allege

Tired of the same old games

The reasons your actions claim

Being the only one to put forth sacrifice

While your appetite you continue to entice

Telling me the same as your telling them

After I put my heart out on the limb

Gave you another chance

An opportunity for us to advance

You’re only confessing because you were caught

With no account for my feelings left distraught

After my trust you promised never to again break it

But instead you chose to forsake it

The overwhelming feeling left me gut wrenched

Pain grabbed my heart and tightly clenched

Tears I refused to shed

Words remain to be left unsaid

My actions turning heartless and cold

Love now on withhold

The relief of you walking away I observe

Knowing the value I deserve

I can no longer accept you as a loved one

Since you can’t be honest, I am officially done

Confusion

Confusion invades and brings me doubt

Shedding light on everything I am unclear about

Causing me to be indecisive

As well as apprehensive

I want to learn to trust my heart

And finish what I start

Maybe I am more “in love” with being loved

And scared to live life feeling unloved

Still learning how to love and give my all

With confidence to stand tall

Instead of pulling people in, just to run away

Allowing my heart to be easily led astray

Knowing I need to let go

And take things slow

In order to make better decisions

To see beyond my line of vision

Just when I think I am healed

Someone comes from left field

Making my heart skip a beat

Forgiving me for my deceit

But I am still unsure

If I am strong enough to endure

Every time I try to move on

My attention is drawn

For a love that still pulsates my being

While doubts have my heart disagreeing

Not sure which way to turn

To receive the love I yearn

Trying to see clearly through this delusion

And break free from this state of confusion


Hello All! WHY of WHY does his voice STILL make my heart skip a beat? The second I attempt to move you, he is right there...Why does he have such a hold on my heart? That I just cant break free of...

Heartache

The yearning and aching

My heart continuously re-breaking

At the thought of my actions

My moment of distraction

Succumbing to weakness

Not appreciating your uniqueness

As the keeper of my heart

I know It’s my fault that we are apart

And that nothing can take back what’s done

But this heartache I can’t seem to outrun

This longing within my soul

That only your love can console

Good Morning ALL! I just recently talked to my ex boyfriend (Navy) and he has been reminding me of how badly I hurt him...Which is so hard to hear...My heart breaks at the thought of him hurting...He is obviously still feeling it...But yet, at the same time he misses me...and cant stop loving me...After I hurt him over and over and over (Which he NEVER deserved) how could he STILL have love for me? Why does he not hate me? I was insecure, and couldnt wait for my Navy man...So this poem reflects the heartache from all that I have done...that I cannot take back...

Love Lost

After your deception I am unable to trust

My heart is not forgiving of the unjust
My barriers have now been raised

And any effort to repair goes unfazed

Once those lines have been crossed

I can’t regain what has been lost

Anything else now will be time wasted

Love can never again be tasted

Good Morning All! I wrote this just to post on facebook to let someone know just how I feel lol...I give a fair chance...I tried to show with my actions but he still isnt getting the hint...I have already moved on ;) and no longer chose to pretend...

Memories

Memories

Mind drifting to places unknown

Sighs float in the wind like a whisper

Smelling the fragrance of his cologne

Images are bright and getting crisper

Seconds and hours disappear

Time lost does not return

The past seems far but near

Feelings capture and do not adjourn

Moments embraced as the clock ticks

Words no longer able to say

Broken promises remain unfixed

Memories constantly replay

Good Morning All! Not quite sure where this one came from...Not really missing any one particular person...Maybe missing that feeling of love...Theses words to came to me and spilled onto the paper...It wasnt on my mind consciously...But it flowed directly from my heart...

Why

Why

Why do I run from what I want most

Always dodging chances at love

The ability to release all that’s locked in my heart

That one to share life experiences with

That someone to hold me at night

Instead I sleep alone

Dealing with loneliness each day

Feeling incomplete

Missing companionship

Yearning to love

Scared of being hurt

Or wasting time when it doesn’t work

Not wanting to be disappointed

Expecting one who is perfect

Knowing that’s not reality

I need to allow love in

Stop reflecting on what may never happen

Take a chance that I may not regret

Learn how to feel again

And no longer ask myself why

Waiting

Waiting

Heartbroken because I can’t be with you now

My whole heart is yours, I vow

There is no other I desire

It’s only your love I require

Missing times shared

Nothing else can even compare

To the love we hold for one another

In that trueness I find cover

Each second without you my heart aches

But no matter how long it takes

No matter what we have endured

Let your doubt be assured

My love for you I am restating

I will be here waiting

Tasteless

Tasteless

My mouth is dry but I cannot quench my thirst

In a pool of thoughtlessness I am immersed

The world is going on around me

My inner screams are dying to be free

But I chose to remain allusive

Leaving my love and feelings for my own exclusive

Insecurities and heart entwined

Raging their own wars in my mind

Not allowing the other to win

And the other not willing to ever give in

Lost hopes and dreams

Are causing two extremes

Emotions remain unfazed

Inside my eternal love is about to set a blaze

But the one that deserves it has not revealed his face

So until he shows himself, I have removed my taste

Good Morning All! Yes, a repost. I started my second Discipleship class at church and that takes up my evenings. I hope everyone is doing well. Not sure what is wrong with me, been kinda in my own daze...Not in a funk at all, just a lot of planning on my mind. I disnt realize until someone pointed out that I was being very distant, it wasnt intentional at all.

I Still Want You...

I Still Want You

I want you to kiss me passionately like you used to

I want to see you smile again when I am in your view

I want to feel the passion we once knew

I want to forget the troubles we have been through

I want sleepless nights next to you

I want our love to feel brand new

I want ecstasy to the fullest pursued

I want to feel safe to subdue

I want you to completely hold me within you

Feeling your love inside is long overdue

I want our love’s strength to always anew

Baby I still love and want only you…

Good Morning All! Another repost, sorry....This is am old one and the person I wrote this for crossed my mind...I hope everyone is doing well!

Missing Your Love

Random art borrowed from the internet

Missing Your Love

It's the soft, slow kisses on my neck I miss

Sending me into a total state of bliss

Making love felt like we were the only two in existence

Continuously pleasing me with strong persistence

Watching the sun set with the moonlight reflecting off of the waves

Its only you I endlessly crave

Driving hours with strong anticipation

To relieve all of my sexual frustration

Just being in your presence

Feeling your essence

Was all I ever needed

But my insecurities interceded

Being unable to trust I ruined "us"

And any chances we had of success

But I can't stop feeling the pain

Now only missing your touch remains

Missing the sound of your voice

The way you made my heart rejoice

Inside and out the way you made me feel

My true feelings I can no longer conceal

I am missing your love

And the lack thereof

Rain

Random picture taken from a google search

Rain

Tear drops staining my cheeks

Just hearing the words as he speaks

He is giving up and cant take no more

My issues he can no longer ignore

I know I am not easy to love

My insecurities stood way above

I constantly pushed him away

Not sure if he was to betray

I just couldnt let him in

I didnt even allow us to begin

The truth was that he already had my heart

From the very start

I didnt want him to take advantage

I dont know how I am going to manage

No desire to move on

Feeling neglected and withdrawn

I love him more than I could show

Now he will never know

Freeing myself of this inner pain

My soul is cleansing with each drop of rain

 

Step Up

Step Up

It's time to step up or walk away

No longer being led astray

My desires aren't being met

My needs you've chose to neglect

Luckily my heart isn't in too deep

But please don't sleep

Because I do have options

So take this as a word of caution

What you won't do someone else will

Your place can be easily filled

It's now or never

I am not going to wait forever

The above butterfly pictures represent me possibly having to fly away if need be.  Flying to my destiny...

Why I? & Behind Closed Doors-Guest Poet-Tanaesha

Good Morning All!  TGIF!!!!!  These are the poems that my daughter wrote that I promised yesterday(FYI she will only be 17 June 29th, so this is words from a young heart).  She told me not to post Behind Closed Doors because its really personal to her, but I didnt listen...That poem speaks to me as I am sure speaks to everyone else as well.  We have ALL been there...And can relate...

Why I

Solid calls
Days gone
Months passed
Wondering why
Hearts break
People cry
People lie
People cheat
But why do
People love
People care
Or some people dont even dare
No solid calls
Days gone
Months passed
And I still wonder
Why I


Behind Closed Doors

In public
I show no signs of sadness
With my friends I am the happiest
I'm silly and goofy
I stand tall and brave
As if I am over you
Yes, it has been months

But behind closed doors
I still cry
Not even shy
To show the emotions inside
That I dare not hide

Behind closed doors
I do still miss you
Thinking of you constantly
Every thought of you driving me crazy
Cant push away this feeling of loneliness

Behind closed doors
I listen to songs that make me cry
Torturing myself with every word
I think I just need to move on
People telling me that your probaly
Not even thinking about me anymore

But behind closed doors
I just wanna know why
Why do I still think of you
Why is it do hard
For me to let you go
Why do I still cry
Why do I
Still love you
Behind closed doors

Both Poems Were Written By: Tanaesha Leak

Loneliness-Reunion Update

Loneliness

I am so tired of being alone
Tired of feeling like I am on my own

Tired of waking up to an empty bed
Wondering whats ahead

My standards are high as ever
But I dont want to be by myself forever

I want to feel the feeling of love
And no longer the lack thereof

I want someone to share my thoughts and dreams
Nothing is ever how it seems

Being alone does has its benefits
But it also has its limits

I miss being made love to all night
And all those feelings that excite

I miss hearing the words "I love you"
That kind of love that makes you feel brand new

But I am not willing to accept just anything
Definatelt not looking for a meaningless fling

Been there, done that many times before
But my feelings I can no longer ignore

Lately I have constantly pushed good men away
Terrified of being betrayed

I know I need to let my guards down some
Or I will allow my loneliness to succumb

You're Not Ready...

Good Morning All!  I wrote this back in 2005, I am not currently feeling this way...I hope everyone had a great weekend!  I finally caught up on my rest...

You’re not ready for the depths of my love
And all it consists thereof

You’re not ready to let go
And truly discover love at its plateau

You’re still not ready to leave those others alone
When you’ve been offered the crown to my king’s throne

With every desire and fantasy fulfilled
And long years of bliss as our foundation continued to build

You’re not ready for a lifetime of pure and true happiness
Ending all disappointments and any emptiness

The memories we have made I will continue to relive
Because you’re still not ready for the love I have inside to give

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Impaired

I wrote this in August but still feeling the same way...I am hoping to break this cycle. I am still oh so confused...But I am choosing not to make a decision and letting nature takes its course....Whatever happens, I will be cool with. Whatever is meant, will be and I am comfortable with that.


I hope that everyone is doing well and if there is snow where you are, I hope you are making it thru the best you can. I know I am about sick of this dang snow and more is coming this weekend :( I mean the states had enough time to clean these snow mounds up, but no we still have no lanes or disappearing lanes, parking is CRAZY or nonexistent....Traffic, I dont even wanna go there...It took me 2 hours to get home yesterday (Double my normal drive time) half the time I was held up by snow plows so I couldnt complain about that....But this snow STILL in this road is causing traffic to back up, ridicuoulsly...and people walking OMG PLEASE stay OUT the street or at least move when a car comes...I realize aint no sidewalks but if I am driving on ice/snow, I am NOT stopping...You either get out my way or get hit  LOL...Seriously tho...

Thoughts consuming my mind
Memories always remind

Of pain and grief
My heart stolen like a thief

Only to be hurt every time
Even after the wedding bells chimed

Every man I have ever given my heart to
Expected me to subdue

And accept treatment given
The torment cannot be forgiven

I am trying to forgive myself
And put this pain up on the shelf

But I am still unable to give my all
It’s only the nightmares I recall

Too scared to let the right one in
Can’t shake my feelings within

Blocking my future blessings
Constantly depressing

In a state of seclusion
Continuous confusion

Will I ever find inner peace
And allow the love inside to release

To the one deserving of my heart
Will this pain ever depart

Having faith in my belief
Praying for absolute relief

I feel broken and hopelessly in despair
I have declared myself love impaired

© copyright Tue Aug 11 8:20:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Cant Let Go...

I just can’t seem to let you go
The love inside me continuously flows

You consume my every emotion and inner thoughts
The thought of losing you has me very distraught

Lying in this empty bed missing the warmth of your body next to mine
Making love to you, feeling our emotions intertwine

The strength of your arms embodying me
Allowing our hearts to agree

And give in to this love that we have created
These feelings felt have been long awaited

I just can’t walk away from this love that I feel
My true emotions can never be fully concealed

Listen and feel my hearts silent plea
Letting go of you, would be like letting go of a part of me

Baby, you are to me; my love’s plateau
Experience my love within and never let it go



© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Stalker

I don’t know why some people can’t take no for an answer
I guess the thrill of the chase is the enhancer

You’re not man enough for me
I don’t care how much you beg and plea

Will you just leave me alone
Your reasons are unknown

Haven’t you hurt me enough
My road is already tough

With the hurt you already put me through
Now you’re sabotaging my happiness with your untruths

You didn’t treat me right when you had me
The abuse was a guarantee

That you will never have my heart
I wish your existence in my life would depart

Why can’t you just let me go
I don’t want you, you already know

Let me live my life in peace
And allow all this pain inside to release

From you, I just want to be free
Will you please stop stalking me

© copyright Tue Aug 17 7:11:00 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Chances

We didn’t realize or appreciate what we had until it was gone
We used lack of communication as a pawn

We weren’t honest with ourselves much less each other
You were more than just my lover

I hold very intense love for you in my heart
My heart aches every moment we are apart

I thoroughly enjoy time spent with you
Your love I can’t bear to forever loose

I have given my heart and taken a chance on love
I only wish our problems could be reconciled and our love can rise above

Wishing

I miss you
Wish I could kiss you

Love you
Take care of you

I wish I could be with you
Expressing my love ever so true

The pain consumes me
and runs ever so deep

As long as we are apart
Nothing will ever mend my broken heart

It is hard living
without my heart giving

All of the love inside me
To my one and only true love for all the world to see

You will always be within me
No matter where life takes us you will forever be apart of me

Souls interlaced
Hearts locked in this race

Of life, not knowing where we are going to land
In your arms is where I am now banned

But dream of each day of my life
Wishing I was your wife

Living happily ever after
No more tears, only laughter

I really wish I could be with you
I truly miss you

I love you with all my heart and soul!!!!

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved