Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Impaired

I wrote this in August but still feeling the same way...I am hoping to break this cycle. I am still oh so confused...But I am choosing not to make a decision and letting nature takes its course....Whatever happens, I will be cool with. Whatever is meant, will be and I am comfortable with that.


I hope that everyone is doing well and if there is snow where you are, I hope you are making it thru the best you can. I know I am about sick of this dang snow and more is coming this weekend :( I mean the states had enough time to clean these snow mounds up, but no we still have no lanes or disappearing lanes, parking is CRAZY or nonexistent....Traffic, I dont even wanna go there...It took me 2 hours to get home yesterday (Double my normal drive time) half the time I was held up by snow plows so I couldnt complain about that....But this snow STILL in this road is causing traffic to back up, ridicuoulsly...and people walking OMG PLEASE stay OUT the street or at least move when a car comes...I realize aint no sidewalks but if I am driving on ice/snow, I am NOT stopping...You either get out my way or get hit  LOL...Seriously tho...

Thoughts consuming my mind
Memories always remind

Of pain and grief
My heart stolen like a thief

Only to be hurt every time
Even after the wedding bells chimed

Every man I have ever given my heart to
Expected me to subdue

And accept treatment given
The torment cannot be forgiven

I am trying to forgive myself
And put this pain up on the shelf

But I am still unable to give my all
It’s only the nightmares I recall

Too scared to let the right one in
Can’t shake my feelings within

Blocking my future blessings
Constantly depressing

In a state of seclusion
Continuous confusion

Will I ever find inner peace
And allow the love inside to release

To the one deserving of my heart
Will this pain ever depart

Having faith in my belief
Praying for absolute relief

I feel broken and hopelessly in despair
I have declared myself love impaired

© copyright Tue Aug 11 8:20:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

18 comments:

Dulce said...

oh this love affairs drive us crazy my friend... when will we find that stability.. so boring that would be i guess... and then? waht would we write about???
;)

JStar said...

LOL...Ya know Dulce...So right :) I am tired of racking my brain....If its meant to be, it will be...and i have to trust Him in that

Secretia said...

Never thought of being love impaired before, but it's a realthing.

Secretia

JStar said...

Yea, that was the conclusion I came to after so many issues, I realized that I was the one holding myself back...Holding future people accountable for past mistakes of others...Trying to break out of that cycle now Secretia

Organic Meatbag said...

always a pleasure to read your stuff, J... nice to see you are always evolving!

JStar said...

:)@Meatbag

25champ said...

Love is a complicated thing, but the only love that you can truely trust is the love of ones self. If you can find it within yourself to really devote your time to loving you then all all around you will do the same. Love the Poem.

JStar said...

AMEN to that Champ! I DEF second that!

tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

i feel you on the snow tip. my girlfriend was trying to fly in for v-day two of her flights got canceled. then it was hell trying to get to the airport and pick her up when she did come. not a fan of the snow, especially in cities (atlanta) who aren't equipped to handle it and what it does to the roads.

as for your poem, it was great. think everyone has felt impaired at some point, if not they probably will. can't let it take your life from you though. no one should be able to do that to you. way i look at it is, at my saddest points, i've been alone in that feeling. meaning the love i was mourning or feeling so low about the other person was off living their life doing them. that helped me see that being down is a phase that you will go through, but must not allow yourself to stay there.

it'll always get better.

Unbreakable said...

This is a great one,i really admire your writing. Love is a great thing when we find mutual interest.

JStar said...

Yea, I feel ya there Unpretentious...I know your pains and frustrations with this snow...

And sooo true...we go through this stage but have to pick ourselves back up again and keep it movin

JStar said...

Thanks Unbreakable :) Yea, isnt that a good thing...But finding two people with mutal interest is hard lol

Traci Lavette said...

I believe the key is to find happiness and acceptance within ourselves first and then we instantly recognize that which is not healthy for our space.

It's a hard one at times though because we are so used to thinking with our hearts and wanting our love affairs to turn out for the best. I wonder how much of it has to do with some of us missing that "first" date with our fathers. When we are not shown that unconditional love from the one who is supposed to be the first man in our lives, we have many false alarms because we don't recognize the real from the false advertisement - in the form of "L-O-V-E".

All I say is that "love is not supposed to hurt".

Like you said though, "leave it up to Him".

XOXO

The Write Girl said...

I pray you find stability and all the wonderful things you seek. P.S. I am a pedestrian and I would sure like someone to stop in the snow for me. : )

JStar said...

I love your advice Traci! I have gotten rid of ALL the unhealthiness in my life and improvements have been obvious! Maybe that’s what my problem is, I never had that in a father. He took my innocence, destroyed my faith in men…and the crazy thing is the majority of the men I dated are like him :(

He is the one who is in control, so I rest my faith in HIM!

Thanks Write Girl! If the streets are drying, I have NO problem stopping! But don’t make me get stuck or slid on ice…

ShAKirA CHOONG said...

You are on the right track.
I was a single mother too
for awhile.

There are good men out there,
let them find you,
mine did.

GOD KNOWS BEST.

Have a fantabulous weekend.

hugs
shakira

JStar said...

Thanks for stopping by Shakira

Anonymous said...

Amiable post and this enter helped me alot in my college assignement. Gratefulness you for your information.