Thursday, September 26, 2013

In love with another

thought it was those words that made all the difference
How they rolled off your tongue mid-sentence
Waited my entire life for you to speak
Momentarily made my knees weak
Images of our wedding day was like a dream come true
Perfections that my mind over-drew
We were always each other’s fall back
Even after over two decades, there are things we still lack
Even still, we have yet to have the ability to let each other completely go
We are our addiction
Played out fairytale love stories like they weren’t fiction
This time around, you almost led me astray
From my current love, I contemplated walking away
Taking the risk for you and me
When you got down on bended knee
Sending my mind in doubt and confusion
But my heart had a different conclusion
I am in love with another man
And that disregards your lifetime plans
That can no longer include me and you
We have to let this go once and for all
Even if this weren’t the case, there has always been something blocking my fall
I can’t explain it, but for you my heart just won’t allow me to feel
I guess the up and downs and back and forth’s, has kept my barriers sealed
Knowing I could never recover from another heartbreak
Those risks are too great for my heart to again partake
This time you were just a little bit too late
I gave up on these years that for us no longer await
Even so, my heart is already spoken for
And my true love I can never ignore
He has me in totality like no other
So now we must permanently part ways, because I am in love with another

Wednesday, September 25, 2013


You got me
My whole heart has your name written all over it
Visions of you are etched within my spirit
I yearn only for you
It’s you that I crave
I bask the brightest glow within my smile
That you keep on my face
Day and night
Just the mere thought of you
Captures each moment on replay
Every second of us flood my heart
The keeper of our secrets
Confide in our souls
Merged together
Our connection in an unstoppable force
That grows in strength
With each passing second
No one else stands a chance
Attempts go unnoticed
Unfazed by any other
Because, I belong to you

Monday, September 23, 2013

Run Away

am starting to feel feelings of love and I want to run
As far as possible in the opposite direction
Maybe a distraction or start an argument and be done
I just can't trust this passion, this longing affection
Replaying doubts and what if's for every possible scenario of what could go wrong 
Running before any sign of trouble, attempting to avoid heartbreak 
I can't imagine having to be strong
That mourning again I just can't take
But I want love more than anything else ever
I dream about it day and night
But nothing is a guarantee to last forever
It's a losing battle to even put up a fight
Because I feel everything deeper than most
I can't put my heart on the line to again be broken in shattered pieces
I just want to pack a bag and disappear to the coast
Get away until these feelings cease
But it's calling me by my name
Getting louder and louder not allowing me to rest
I can't repeat more of the same
I don't have the strength to pass this test
Mind clouded locating the easiest escape route to an unknown destination
Throwing away the keys to my heart
Raising my barriers for protection against deception
Running for me has been some form of art
And I don't know how to let anyone completely in
Vulnerability is uncomfortable and uncontrollable, avoiding at all cost
Images of the smirky grins 
As the lies my mind believed but in the end my love lost
How can I even consider putting myself out there
How could I have even allowed these feeling to grow 
How do I know he is sincere and truly cares
How do I just go with the flow
I have gotten myself in just a little too deep
And I don't know how to cope
Out of nowhere these feelings through the crevices seeped 
Now I feel like I am falling down the slipperiest slope
With no ability to grasp onto anything to pull myself out
No control over these emotions being felt
But living life without
A true love is not the hands I were dealt
I must learn how to let go of my fears and love with everything in me
I must learn to trust with all of my heart
But I don't know how to even clearly see
And I have no idea where even to start

Friday, September 20, 2013

Love Broken

The distance echoes feelings that remain unfelt
Separation of longing emotions dealt
Heart hardens with each passing moment of absence
Doubts cloud assurance
Sincerity now in question
Confessions kept in discretion
Hopes and dreams placed too high
The misread position no longer applied
No use in giving my all while your options are entertained
My heart is left bruised and stained
Time wasted, love misdirected
No resurrection after truths disconnected
Picking up the pieces and moving forward
Your attempts now being ignored
What’s left now when love restored vision
It takes more to make the best decisions
We cannot allow a distraction
And our obvious chemical reactions
Have us following with our hearts instead of our mind
When everything else is misaligned
Walking away is hard but it’s a must
To love’s unjust
Words left unspoken
Hearts left broken

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

My love is all I have

I don't know what it is that we are doing
Have no idea where we are going 
I just know that I can't let this go, I tried
They were real tears that my soul cried
Love was never meant to be perfect, it's not always flowers and sunsets
Life has a funny way of stepping in and won't allow your past to forget
Second guessing and doubting my gut instinct 
I over analyze and constantly rethink
What is it that he even see's in me that I can't see in myself 
My accounts are overdrawn and I am far from wealth
I have nothing to bring to the table
And at times I can be emotionally unstable
All I have to give is this love within me that is dying to be shared
To give me again without guarantee, I am more than scared 
But my heart didn't even put up a fight 
To my darkness, he is my light 
My vision is clear but it's only him that I see, I only yearn for he
I've given him hell and he still wants me
Still believes that there is a chance for us to succeed 
I have provided many opportunities for him to concede
It's obviously going to take a lot of communication and compromise
Our conflicting personalities and views will cause our previous plans to revise 
But it will allow a growth to develop and it's worth fighting for
The rewards can be so much more
Than previously imagined or even dreamed
Working together so that we are no longer fighting the current upstream 
The love inside of me has yet to be released in full capacity
But I can promise the strength of tenacity
My mind is made up and I am positive in my decision 
And I am willing to show him more than he could envision
I am now ready to give him all of me
To my heart, he has the only key
I don't know what it is that we are doing
Have no idea where we are going
But my heart didn't even put up a fight
To my darkness, he is my light
Will the past ever forgive 
Is my love enough, because its all I have to give 


Sunday, September 8, 2013

Crumbling Barriers

I taste the lies dripping from his tongue that taste as sweet as chocolate kisses
Falling for the words sugar coated
Melting my heart with promises of the world
While never even chasing rainbows
Never even enjoying the moon
Wishing upon the falling stars
His lies were so convincing
So truthful to my aching heart
Blinded by the glare in his eyes
Fooled but the fuckery in his voice
The tones of his lies were too sweet to give me a toothache
Until the clouds cleared
And I was finally able to see
The real truth from his chocolate covered lies
That kissed my lips 
And broke my heart into a million pieces 
Now I am here picking up the pieces of my broken heart
Unsure of my own gut feeling
I was fooled into believing in him 
Now I don't know which way is up or down
Doubting myself
Not even sure how to trust another again
The barriers around my heart grow thicker
Secluded myself 
For years I ran from any possibility of vulnerability
I had stopped even the thoughts of a relationship

When all of a sudden he came out of no where
And showed such persistence 
Then he kissed me like that
Still attempting restraint
I kept my barriers intact
But each stimulating conversation drew me in closer to him 
His mind captured my attention
His touch felt like Heaven
His kisses took me on a journey 
Through roses gardens and melodies 
I never imagined letting someone else in
This close to my heart
But he just feels right
Relaxing my fears and doubt
He just makes perfect sense
The passion within his frame I can't help but feel to my core
His love radiates my being
It had been so long since I felt that these feelings 
They were hard to internalize 
I didn't know how to act
Had no idea what to do or how to not act
It scared me so I attempted to push him away
Even tried to run from him
His consistency kept pulling me back 
Because the reality was 
That I already am in love with him
As much as I tried to deny it
My heart belonged to him
So eventually I gave in
And set my pride to the side
Allowing myself to feel his love
Allowing myself to feel vulnerable 
For only his eyes to see
Submitting to allow this love to flow
Like the blood in my veins
Taking it slow
Allowing natural progression to lead the way
Allowing my barriers to crumble

Friday, September 6, 2013

Just living in this moment

I just can't get this man out of my head
My heart in his direction is continuously led
No matter what else may seem best
My soul in his hands comfortably rests 
He is in the smell of my hair
Behind the visions of my stare
My scents flavor is enhanced by the pheromones together released
The volumes of each tone has increased
In every thought that crosses my mind
Each second on the hands of time
The whispers in my ear only rings his voice
My majestic desires of choice
The sensuality of my sexual drive
It's only him that controls how my body thrives
Each tear of joy that escapes my eyes
The pleasurable moments that hear my cries
He is forever embedded into my spirit
Responsible for writing the words to my lyrics
He is the motivation behind my appeal
The holder of the secrets that I conceal
The reason that letting go can never be an option
Taking the good and bad mixing our own concoction 
Figuring out what works best for us
Because its obvious that this has reached far beyond lust
Forgetting yesterday and not focused on tomorrow
Not interested in the time in between that was on borrow
Engulfing in the presence of now 
No longer worried about the when and how
Resting assured in contentment 
Just living in this moment

Tuesday, September 3, 2013


Attached to my phone
Looking for a text or to hear the sound of his ringtone
Every second resisting the urge to call
Just to hear his voice
Debating on sending this good morning text
Deciding against
I know I have said enough
He knows where I stand
Fighting back tears
Trying to be patient
But it’s pure torture
Every moment without him
I can’t think of anything else
My heart is on the line
I put it all out there
I feel vulnerable
Not sure of what else that can be done
Knowing I need to leave it be
For the moment
Trying to distract my mind
But nothing is working
Sitting on the edge of my seat
For him to come to me
With open arms
Allowing my love back in
I know in reality it isn’t that easy
I understand why we are at this point
But I just can’t shut off these feelings
Can’t push away this love
That has me captive
So, I will continue to wait
Ever so impatiently

Monday, September 2, 2013

I miss us

As much as I try to deny it, I love him
With every breath left in my body
From the deepest depths of my soul
I miss the way he used to kiss me with such passion
The way he held me with such care
The way our hearts connected and spoke the language of love
I miss his scent filling my air
Caressing his chest
I miss laying in his arms not having to say a word
And the unspoken being felt on every inch of our bodies 
My heart longs for what was
Wondering if we will ever find our way back
To this love that has full control of me
I miss him... I miss us