Monday, September 23, 2013

Run Away

am starting to feel feelings of love and I want to run
As far as possible in the opposite direction
Maybe a distraction or start an argument and be done
I just can't trust this passion, this longing affection
Replaying doubts and what if's for every possible scenario of what could go wrong 
Running before any sign of trouble, attempting to avoid heartbreak 
I can't imagine having to be strong
That mourning again I just can't take
But I want love more than anything else ever
I dream about it day and night
But nothing is a guarantee to last forever
It's a losing battle to even put up a fight
Because I feel everything deeper than most
I can't put my heart on the line to again be broken in shattered pieces
I just want to pack a bag and disappear to the coast
Get away until these feelings cease
But it's calling me by my name
Getting louder and louder not allowing me to rest
I can't repeat more of the same
I don't have the strength to pass this test
Mind clouded locating the easiest escape route to an unknown destination
Throwing away the keys to my heart
Raising my barriers for protection against deception
Running for me has been some form of art
And I don't know how to let anyone completely in
Vulnerability is uncomfortable and uncontrollable, avoiding at all cost
Images of the smirky grins 
As the lies my mind believed but in the end my love lost
How can I even consider putting myself out there
How could I have even allowed these feeling to grow 
How do I know he is sincere and truly cares
How do I just go with the flow
I have gotten myself in just a little too deep
And I don't know how to cope
Out of nowhere these feelings through the crevices seeped 
Now I feel like I am falling down the slipperiest slope
With no ability to grasp onto anything to pull myself out
No control over these emotions being felt
But living life without
A true love is not the hands I were dealt
I must learn how to let go of my fears and love with everything in me
I must learn to trust with all of my heart
But I don't know how to even clearly see
And I have no idea where even to start


Reggie said...

Love is what makes life worth living.....nice post.

JStar said...

Thank you Reggie :-)