Affects of AIDS

It all started with a cough that just wouldn’t go away
He still hadn’t even admitted he was gay

He felt sick every day, he knew something wasn’t quite right
He didn’t have the strength anymore to fight this fight

After confirmation, then came deep depression
His family finally heard his heartfelt confessions

Depression took over and consumed
His worst fears were a reality and no longer assumed

He gave up hope completely
He was grieving inside deeply

Seclusion was his first defense
Total lies his lover told were the greatest offense

He now needed assistance with mom's care
The pain was more than he could bare

His body was covered with a horrible rash
Continuously cursing at everyone, breaking moms heart with each lash

He didn’t have the energy to get out of bed
It caused extreme pain to even move his head

Thresh would build up in his throat causing him to choke
His only enjoyment was his coffee and to smoke

His friends didn’t understand and was scared to be around
Feelings of abandonment were profound

He lost so much weight that he looked like a skeleton covered with skin
He felt as if he were being punished for his sins

He refused his medication because he no longer wanted his life prolonged
This world he never felt as if he really belonged

He was always teased and tortured his entire childhood
It was obvious he was gay just by the way he stood

In his final days he told mom he saw God and that He needed him
He said that the flowers in His garden were so amazingly beautiful even down to the stems

But he didn’t want to leave his mother here
She told him his time to leave was near

She would miss him dearly but couldn’t stand to see him suffer another day
Saying good bye to her son, wasn’t easy finding the right words to say

Watching the constant torture was driving her insane
After three long years of suffering and pain

I knew he was gone at 5 am, as soon as I heard the phone ringing
It sounded just like the angel's were singing

He was now pain free and in a better place
Now life without him was not easy to face

© copyright Tue Aug 30 12:30:00 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Why I write...

I write to release withheld emotions
In attempts to make sense of the inner commotion

While sharing my life’s experiences
I am hoping to make a difference

Trying to shed light
In battling that intimate fight

Showing my current resolution
With possibilities of an exclusive evolution

Sharing my joy and pain
Although the feelings still remain

It is now easier to withstand
With clear thoughts I am now able to understand

And move past anything that comes my way
First of all thanking God for my gift to convey

© copyright Tue Aug 26 10:49:00 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

AIDS

Aids took over and totally consumed his body
Causing him constant immeasurable pain
The pain was so great that he pushed away everybody
Until he was unable to maintain
He was no longer the brother I once knew
He had only himself to blame
This is the brother that taught me how to tie my shoes
He tortured himself in shame
He was scared to die but it was now a reality
All he wanted was to be loved
And now he was paying for his sexuality
He died feeling completely unloved
Except from his family and the people who really mattered
My mom had to watch her son slowly wither away
Her world was forever shattered
His death affected everyone around
I not only lost my brother but my best friend
Even though 13 years has passed, his presence still surrounds
The sorrow of missing him will never end
The memories I will never forget
The good and bad times I will always cherish
There is not a moment of regret
I still can’t believe his life on earth has been perished
I will hold his love in my heart forever
And the lessons he taught
His son never really knew his father however
His battle on earth has been fought



© copyright Tue Aug 26 7:54:00 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Moments Passing

Moments passing me by
Watching the clouds form shapes in the sky

Mind completely out of reach
Watching the waves splash onto the beach

Children building castles in the sand
Couples walking hand in hand

Just relaxing, thoughts continuously surging
Feelings slowly emerging

Slight jealously stirring inside
Dreaming of the one man I could confide

Loving me relentlessly for who I truly am to be
Seeing the true beauty within me

But since there is no man who is deserving
I am here peacefully observing

The world and all of its elegance
Mind focused and in a constant trance

Enjoying what life brings my way
Thanking God each day as I pray

© copyright Tue Aug 25 8:36:00 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Stalker

I don’t know why some people can’t take no for an answer
I guess the thrill of the chase is the enhancer

You’re not man enough for me
I don’t care how much you beg and plea

Will you just leave me alone
Your reasons are unknown

Haven’t you hurt me enough
My road is already tough

With the hurt you already put me through
Now you’re sabotaging my happiness with your untruths

You didn’t treat me right when you had me
The abuse was a guarantee

That you will never have my heart
I wish your existence in my life would depart

Why can’t you just let me go
I don’t want you, you already know

Let me live my life in peace
And allow all this pain inside to release

From you, I just want to be free
Will you please stop stalking me

© copyright Tue Aug 17 7:11:00 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Impaired

Thoughts consuming my mind
Memories always remind

Of pain and grief
My heart stolen like a thief

Only to be hurt every time
Even after the wedding bells chimed

Every man I have ever given my heart to
Expected me to subdue

And accept treatment given
The torment cannot be forgiven

I am trying to forgive myself
And put this pain up on the shelf

But I am still unable to give my all
It’s only the nightmares I recall

Too scared to let the right one in
Can’t shake my feelings within

Blocking my future blessings
Constantly depressing

In a state of seclusion
Continuous confusion

Will I ever find inner peace
And allow the love inside to release

To the one deserving of my heart
Will this pain ever depart

Having faith in my belief
Praying for absolute relief

I feel broken and hopelessly in despair
I have declared myself love impaired

© copyright Tue Aug 11 8:20:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Rain

Tears drops staining my cheeks
Just hearing the words as he speaks

He is giving up and can’t take no more
My issues he can no longer ignore

I know I am not easy to love
My insecurities stood way above

I constantly pushed him away
Not sure if he was to betray

I just couldn’t let him in
I didn’t even allow us to begin

The truth was that he already had my heart
From the very start

I didn’t want him to take advantage
I don’t know how I am going to manage

No desire to move on
Feeling neglected and withdrawn

I love him more than I could show
Now he will never know

Freeing myself of this inner pain
My soul is cleansing with each drop of rain

© copyright Tue Aug 06 10:20:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Missing your Love

It’s the soft, slow kisses on my neck I miss
Sending me into a total state of bliss

Making love felt like we were the only two in existence
Continuously pleasing me with strong persistence

Watching the sun set with the light of the moon reflecting off of the waves
Its only you I endlessly crave

Driving for hours with strong anticipation
To relieve all of my sexual frustration

Just being in your presence
Feeling your essence

Was all I ever needed
But my insecurities interceded

Being unable to trust I ruined “us”
And any chances we had of success

But I can’t stop feeling the pain
Now only missing your touch remains

Missing the sound of your voice
The way you made my heart rejoice

Inside and out the way you made me feel
My true feelings I can no longer conceal

I am missing your love
And the lack thereof

© copyright Tue Aug 06 10:20:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved