Insane Sanity

All I am asking for is a break

Time to catch my breath and stand up after I fall

Not enough being deposited, but banks still continue to take

Catching up just to fall behind constantly overdrawn and backed up

against the wall

If it’s going to happen, it’s surely going to happen to me

I try to smile regardless but at night when I am alone the tears stream

Feeling as if the waves are drowning me in a dead sea

My pride holds me back and erases my dreams

The weight I carry all by myself gets so heavy that I feel as if I just can’t go on

If it’s not one thing, it’s another…when does it end

I never expected life to be easy but I don’t even have those to depend upon

Not even asking to be rescued but a shoulder to cry on and ears to comprehend

Would make my load just a bit lighter and able to manage

I wouldn’t feel so alone

And always at a disadvantage

Down the drain, my sanity forms into a cyclone landing me dead center

in the drop zone

Not sure how much longer I can maintain

Hanging onto the edge of the cliff contemplating the jump

Just wanting to relieve this pain

Breaking finger nails and drawing blood trying to scrape out of this slump

Mind on overload analyzing different options that would draw different

conclusions

My tunnel is filled with darkness and no shadows of light seep through

Tricks played on my conscious forming insane delusions

Different circumstances with results seeming like déjà vu

My eyes reveal deep sadness but my smile distracts focus

Daily forcing away negative thoughts attempting to only see positive displays

Adjusting my lenses to refocus

It’s just not as easy on some days

And I allow myself to be consumed

To feel every emotion in this process

And then some days I am numb and keep my pain entombed

Every once in awhile mental relief comes and I make progress

But I have learned to fake inner happiness so often that I can at

times forget as well

Then around the next corner I get slammed in the face

My thoughts captured and can’t help but dwell

This repeating cycle I continue to retrace

I must break free and find my mind some peace

Learning to let go even though painlessly isn’t always the case

But I must stop worrying and release

And this negative energy erase

Discover what happiness truly feels like

Regaining spiritual vanity

Ending my personal strike

With my battle against insane sanity