Saturday, August 10, 2013

Insane Sanity

All I am asking for is a break
Time to catch my breath and stand up after I fall
Not enough being deposited, but banks still continue to take
Catching up just to fall behind constantly overdrawn and backed up
against the wall
If it’s going to happen, it’s surely going to happen to me
I try to smile regardless but at night when I am alone the tears stream
Feeling as if the waves are drowning me in a dead sea
My pride holds me back and erases my dreams
The weight I carry all by myself gets so heavy that I feel as if I just can’t go on
If it’s not one thing, it’s another…when does it end
I never expected life to be easy but I don’t even have those to depend upon
Not even asking to be rescued but a shoulder to cry on and ears to comprehend
Would make my load just a bit lighter and able to manage
I wouldn’t feel so alone
And always at a disadvantage
Down the drain, my sanity forms into a cyclone landing me dead center
in the drop zone
Not sure how much longer I can maintain
Hanging onto the edge of the cliff contemplating the jump
Just wanting to relieve this pain
Breaking finger nails and drawing blood trying to scrape out of this slump
Mind on overload analyzing different options that would draw different
My tunnel is filled with darkness and no shadows of light seep through
Tricks played on my conscious forming insane delusions
Different circumstances with results seeming like déjà vu
My eyes reveal deep sadness but my smile distracts focus
Daily forcing away negative thoughts attempting to only see positive displays
Adjusting my lenses to refocus
It’s just not as easy on some days
And I allow myself to be consumed
To feel every emotion in this process
And then some days I am numb and keep my pain entombed
Every once in awhile mental relief comes and I make progress
But I have learned to fake inner happiness so often that I can at
times forget as well
Then around the next corner I get slammed in the face
My thoughts captured and can’t help but dwell
This repeating cycle I continue to retrace
I must break free and find my mind some peace
Learning to let go even though painlessly isn’t always the case
But I must stop worrying and release
And this negative energy erase
Discover what happiness truly feels like
Regaining spiritual vanity
Ending my personal strike
With my battle against insane sanity

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