Cursed with beauty-7/30

I was always told how beautiful I was for as long as I can remember. But what my father did to me, made me wish I was ugly. The dirty looks from perverted men that haunted my youth and left a disgusting taste in my mouth. Men used and abused me over and over again. My father took innocence from me at 12, then by two grown men my virginity being stripped before I gave consent at 14. It became a cycle repeating two times after. But still I remained trustful until my trust was stolen for the last time. My view on men for years to come was stained by those selfish acts and continued the cycle of pain. All I knew was torture so I numbed my feelings and caged my love while self torture was my form of killing the pain. I have always been told that I have a magnetism that attracts men; I guess that was the same magnetism that grown men couldn’t keep away from a small loving little girl. Disregarding my innocence for their perverted desires those looks I can never forget. I still feel their thoughts when men approach me or look at me like I am a piece of meat. It doesn’t make me feel beautiful at all. This is why I have had trouble with self esteem my entire life. Others see me as beautiful but I view me as tainted and feel like being beautiful has been a curse for me.