Eclipse

My heart feels like the moon in an eclipse
Craving your kisses on my lips

Remembering the feelings felt picking you up from the airport
Heart pounding like a ball on the basketball court

Your hugs as comforting as a nice warm blanket
Right at that moment my heart flagged a sign that read TAKEN

Every second with you felt as if time stopped
All of my guards immediately dropped

Years of anticipation
Defining my hearts dedication

The second I left your presence
The reassurance of your eyes now in absence

I started doubting myself and constantly analyzing
Debating if this was real or was I just fantasizing

Was it possible for you to love me as you said
But I feel as if I have awakened from the dead

I was terrified of being hurt again
My wounds still had yet to mend

I still remember the pain
When you left to catch the plane

In fear I pushed you away time after time
But I couldn’t run from what had already been defined

My love for you runs deep within
To places no one else has ever been

I am unable to let go
Now I am ready to go all out and allow my love to clearly show

I am ready to prove my loyalty to you
And demonstrate to you that my love is true

I want to no longer reminisce
My heart is now ready to shine through this eclipse

© copyright Tue Nov 30 6:58:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

This Time...

Right now my sailor is on a ship
Wishing you were close enough so I could get a grip

Deep into your soul
Years ago my heart you stole

Working together everyday
But our spouses we didn’t want to betray

Your eyes gripping my soul with that smile
My heart pounding all the while

Lusting to wake each day next to you
The roughest times in my life you helped me through

Years have passed but our love and friendship have remained
The deep feelings we have for each other cannot be explained

We now have the chance to explore
True love to its core

Time gave us this chance
And is now allowing us to advance

To depths we only dreamed of
To find out if this is really love

Now that I can claim you as mine
Our hearts can now intertwine

I cannot wait until I feel your arms surrounding me
Turning this love up to the next degree

Now we have a chance to define
These feelings that have grown only stronger over time

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Scarred

Unable to trust
Scorned
Cant move beyond lust
Unforgiving
Always skeptical
Tired of giving
Game detectable
Heart torn
Wanting love felt
My heart mourns
Playing cards that are dealt
Unable to give all of me
My love lies enclosed
Unable to set free
True feelings not disclosed
Scarred
Scorned
Unable to trust…

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Honest Scrap Award

Honest Scrap Award  (Ok, I dont quite know how to make the picture visible, so here is the link)

I've received the Honest Scrap Award twice on November 6, 2009, from 2 very talented Bloggers!

http://mydownlowlife.blogspot.com/  (Check her recently published book, you will be addicted!!!)

http://lyricalthoughtz.blogspot.com/

Check their blogs out, very intense writing! 
Thank you! Its an honor!

Ok 10 things about me:

1. My favorite color is purple.
2. I am still scared of the dark :)
3. I have always been scared to share my poetry and writings because I never thought I was any good.  Also, because its my heart and experiences on paper.  My brother stole my diary when I was a young teenager and showed my mom. I got in trouble and didnt write anything for 12 years.  Then I started writing again and not sharing.  I just started sharing when I started this blog, because its easy to share behind a computer and get feed back from people you will never see.  And I have yet to edit anything that I have written because it was emotional enough to write. So, exuse anything that doesnt flow right or mis spellings.
4. My daughters are my inspiration and keep me pushing forward.
5. I have been married and divorced twice.  My daughters have the same father, my first husband for 9 years. Then married again from a 6 year in total relationship.
6. I have always been a quiet person about my feelings but very social.  I am the type of person that gets along with everyone but still keeps that wall up, not to make anyone even notice.
7. I am a sagittarius, My birthday is December 7th.  I have always said that is why I am such an emotional person, because I was born on such a tragic day.  I feel being emotional makes me a better writer, so I guess it all works out in my favor.  Like my purpose in life is to share a message of comfort to others by sharing my experiences.
8. I am addicted to CSI and Law and Order.
9. I really have a boring life.  I go to work and come home.  I would much rather be at home comfortable and relaxed then to go out.
10. I am a small person :) I am 102 lbs, and 5'3.

Ok, enough about me.


I am going to now award the Honest Scrap Award to the following talented writers:

CONGRATS!!!
 
1. http://bornunknown.blogspot.com/
2. http://www.thedivasthoughts.com/
3. http://manwithapast1.blogspot.com/
4. http://dee-livinginsingleville.blogspot.com/
5. http://visionarybutterfly.blogspot.com/
6. http://depthpoet.blogspot.com/
7. http://writeinmotion.blogspot.com/
 
There were a few more that I could have also added...Check out their blogs, and see what they are talking about just as I do!!!

Real Happiness

Wishing there was something in my life REAL
Tired of the way I constantly feel

Never knowing what it feels like to be loved back
Always giving my all, but getting the same return is where I lack

When will I get back even half of what I give
Just heartache is what I constantly relive

I am the truest person you will ever meet
Why am I being given so much deceit

Why do I keep meeting the same type of people
With this I neal down at the steeple

Pray to God to change my life for the better
Writing down all of my feelings to the letter

Tired of being sick and tired
Stressing over what has transpired

I know real happiness has to be in store
I just can’t take life like this anymore

I deserve so much more
Pain and misery have been implored

I know my true happiness can only come from within
God is the only one else I can truly depend

Waiting for God to continue to bless
With TRUE and uplifting HAPPINESS…



© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Tasteless

My mouth is dry but I cannot quench my thirst
In a pool of thoughtlessness I am immersed

The world is going on around me
My inner screams are dying to be free

But I choose to remain allusive
Leaving my love and feelings for my own exclusive

Insecurities and heart entwined
Raging their own wars

Not allowing the other to win
And the other not willing to ever give in

Lost hopes and dreams
Are causing two extremes

Emotions remain unfazed
Inside my eternal love is about to set a blaze

But the one that deserves it has not revealed his face
So until he shows himself, I have removed my taste

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Moments

Each moment that passes and your arms I can’t feel around me
My heart mourns and I feel as if I can’t breath
I hold onto each happy memory, each kiss
Your warm embrace I miss

My heart and soul is with you each moment of each day
I am trying to express what my heart wants to say
I Love You today, yesterday and each day for the rest of my life
I am honored to be in your life

Challenge

I met him in 2002, being his supervisor on his part time job
He looked so good in his uniform
Being around him made me feel alive
He was there for me when I was going through it
With my now ex husband
His commitment to the Navy kept us apart for years
Then he got sent to VA Beach which was in driving distance
I drove there to pick him up from the airport
Even after the years had passed
My feelings for him came rushing back
We made love for the very first time
It felt so natural, like nothing I had experienced
But he didn’t know my past
I felt as if I weren’t good enough for him
So I pushed him away time and time again
But we couldn’t resist one another
The more I pushed him away
The closer I wanted to pull him to me
Around him I want to be a better person
So I pretended to be someone that I am not
I wasn’t sure if I could be the woman that he needed
Doubting myself and his love I pushed him away again
He got suspicious and did some research
Found out everything I was ashamed of
And didn’t want him to know about me
Each question brought from my lies
Brought back all my pain
All of the things I could never forgive myself for
He now knew it all
And he is the only person on this earth that knows
I should have been upset that he snooped
But in a way I was relieved
That someone else knew
Now I have to let go and move on
And as much as I tried to deny my love for him
He is all that I can think about
He is all that I want
Now he is not sure
That I am ready for what he has to offer
But I think I am ready to move on with my life
And stop allowing my insecurities control
I guess only time can tell
What life has in store
Now I am learning patience
Even though it’s hard to swallow
Since I am such an impulsive person
He challenges me and I think I need that in my life
To stay focused on the path that I desire
I think we could be good for each other
If I stop doubting myself
And allow myself to let go of my fears
Allow him to love me the way I need to be loved
I feel now I can give him the love that I feel inside
That has been buried so deep
That I wasn’t sure it actually existed
I am ready to stop running from love
Running from the demons that haunt my soul
I am ready to be happy
Truly happy, no longer pretending
Now my only challenge is letting go
And allowing true love to take over
My biggest challenge is showing him
That my love is true and I am ready to love him
The way he deserves

Trust

I have learned a lot in my lifetime
And ready to learn more as I continue to climb

I have literally been through hell and back
Constantly fighting away the devils attack

Each day as I pray for relief
I am learning to have confidence in my belief

That He will carry me when I cannot walk
Knowing that He will be my voice when I am unable to talk

Discovering the path that He is leading me toward
Opening doors that were once ignored

Exploring my own inner happiness
He completely fulfills leaving no room for emptiness

Giving God my everlasting trust
Allowing Him to correct the unjust

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

RIP Angie

Today I am not really in the mood to write anything but I do want to take a moment of silence in loving memory of Angela  Sternack and Aaron Duke La Belle Jr.  Novemember 12, 1996 my best friend in the world since the age of 2 years old, Angie while 9 months pregnant with Aaron ran in the street to chase her dog and was hit by a car.  She died instantly right in front of her brother and her baby lived for 15 mins but died because he was crushed.  I still remember her funeral vividly.  I can never forget the image of her holding her beautiful baby boy in her arms, looking as if they were both sleeping peacefully.  I still hear her mother Bonnie's screams.  The thing that bothers me is that Angie never got to hold her son or see him while still living.  That was her first child.  Me and her shared many momments growing up together as friends.  I am now listening to the song "Man in the Mirror" & Prince "Purple Rain" :) (on repeat all day) in memory of her.  I still miss you Angie!

Angela Lee Sternack
5/15/76-11/12/96

Aaron Duke La Belle Jr
11/12/96-11/12/96

The Beauty of the Sky

Sitting there watching the sky
Watching the clouds pass me by
The sky is a deep blue
You can get lost in the clouds for a few
Day dreaming that you are floating on the clouds
Just you, with no one else around
Watching the clouds take a defined form
Observing the sky getting dark for a storm
Fierce lighting blazing
Lying there gazing
In amazement of the sky’s different faces
Dreaming about different places
Watching the sky turn orange and red
As the sun sets while lying there in my bed
In the early morning
Noticing the clouds forming
The purple and blue sky is grabbing my attention
It is too beautiful not to mention
It is breath taking
There is no mistaking
The many different feelings
You can observe the earth’s dealings
Just as our moods can change
The sky is a face that reflects the earth’s strains
Tornados and hurricanes
You respect its reins
Raindrops falling
Cleansing the earth for its calling
Beautiful white snow
In the evening hours you can see its glow
Appreciating the sky’s beauty
As it goes on accomplishing its duty
Lighting striking while it illuminates
The clouds depth and rejuvenates
Lying there observing
The beauty of the sky that is well deserving

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Inner Tears

No one can see me crying
Within I feel like I am dying

No one can hear my silent cries
It’s been so long since I have seen my sunrise

No one can feel my pain
The pain that is driving me insane

Everything looks fine but looks are deceiving
Inside I am constantly grieving

Torturing myself it seems
But no one can hear my screams

No one can rescue me from myself
I can’t seem to put old feelings on the shelf

And let these feelings past
It’s like a spell upon myself, has been cast

Immeasurable pain I feel
I am not sure how much longer I can conceal

I feel as if I am about to explode
Torment has been bestowed

How do I release
And find again that inner peace

Can I get past my fears
Can I stop these inner tears

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

You're Secret

Can’t continue keeping our love a secret
Tired of having to be discreet

I deserve to be number one in your life
Felt as if I were when you asked me to be your wife

But you just can’t seem to let her go
The lengths I am willing to go, time will only show

I have proven my love to you time and time again
But loving in secret is where we remain

I know the depths of your love for me
But you are scared to let go and love without a guarantee

So we remain in this comfort zone
When you’re with her, I am tired of being home alone

I need more than you are currently giving
Tired of pretending, I am truly not understanding and forgiving

If our love is meant to be it will be
Now we need to set our love free

And see if it returns
We need time to see if our hearts yearn

If our love is worth fighting for
Because I do not want to be you’re secret anymore

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Souls Kissed

You were the first man I ever dreamed of
The first man I ever wanted to love

Our families and age got in the way
But in my heart you were there to stay

Now decades have passed us by
My feelings I still cannot deny

Since I am still not able to claim you as mine
I didn’t expect our souls to intertwine

All I anticipated was one night of bliss
Now I can’t stop yearning for your kiss

Words can’t give justice to the emotions we shared
No other experience in my life can ever be compared

That comfort zone we find in each other
Can never be found in any other

Now where do we go from here
Our souls have now adhered

There is no turning back now
Our hearts are forever connected regardless of what life will allow

My love for you deep within will always exist
Now that our souls have eternally kissed

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Just Once More

Lying here in this bed next to him
Wanting him to touch and love me until my knees go numb
Longing to feel his soft kisses on my neck
Loving me all the way down past the small of my back
His hands caressing my thighs as gentle as a feather
Making my senses alert and sensitive to his touch
Craving to feel him inside
Taking me to our special sensual place
Indulging into pure ecstasy
Falling asleep in his arms, awakening to his much desired kisses
But instead
I lay next to this man I love with every molecule of my body
Hurting, missing the love we shared
Both knowing we cannot be, not now
But the love we share is so powerful and keeps pulling us back
Now we lay here as two friends would
Pretending we don’t want to give in
Just once more…

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Craving

When you are not around,
I am thinking of you constantly
Craving to love you endlessly,
Teasingly and tauntingly

Missing the warmth of your arms
That so lovingly surrounds
With you, my heart is bound
Always wanting your love around…

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Loved Anyway

He treated me like shit,
But I loved him anyways
Convincing me of change,
Begging me to stay
Knowing the truth
Knowing he could not be true,
To me
I loved him anyway

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

What's Love...

Really, truthfully
Two hearts connected as one,
Loving each other endlessly
Accepting each other’s faults
Showing the other unconditional true love
Without expecting anything in return
Supporting one another in everything
No matter the consequence
Agreeing to disagree, communication strengthens

But we are afraid of getting hurt
Lied to, betrayed, or cheated on
Mentally or physically
We are scared to completely let go and wholeheartedly love

My problem is that I don’t know how to love if it’s not completely
Giving my all
I don’t know how to love partially
What’s the point
If it’s not REALLY LOVE…

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved