For Sale

This is the end of this horrible decade, so I am riding my heart from the horrors that still haunt me...I wrote this in third person because even writing it I still had yet to admit this...Actually I have never admitted it to anyone other than in this poem...

Jobless and homeless
Nowhere to turn
Not sure what to do
Her kids need to eat
And need a place to sleep
No one to help
Feeling completely alone
Only decision that is feasible
Giving up her kids
For now at least
Hungry, cold and confused
Desperation takes over
Standing on a DC street corner
Praying no one stops
But then brake lights shine
A white car stops, pricing discussed
Not offering enough
But she is desperate and accepts
As she sat in the seat next to him
Terror took over her thoughts
Reliving previous rapes as an adolescent
Wishing she never got in the car
But it’s too late now
He is asking questions but she can’t hear
They stop in an alley
She wants this to hurry up and be done
She pulls down her pants just enough for him to enter
Makes sure he uses the condoms she brought
Doesn’t trust him at all
Bends over and tells him only from the back
So she doesn’t have to see his face
Thank God it was over fast
Pulls up her pants and walks away into the night
Feeling dirty and raunchy
Tears flowing down her cheeks
When her boyfriend finds her
He tells her to get in the car
Then yanks her out by her hair
Earrings fly across the pavement
Beats her repeatedly with rage in his eyes
He was someone that she never knew
He takes the money she just sold her soul for
Alone in the shower for nearly 4 hours
Trying to wash away the filth
But it still remains within her soul
Memories will haunt for decades

Addiction

Ok, this is also something from this decade that I am healing from so this is my second post today...With this poem.  This started the downward spiral in my life...Then the Homelessness and I will follow with my other deep scar next...

I will post somethign my girl Tiff just sent me :)

The worst thing is holding on to someone who doesn't want to be held on to. Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you. The thing about falling in love is that if you do it right, you'll never hit the ground. Life is too short to be anything but happy. So kiss slowly. Love deeply. Forgive quickly. Take chances & never have regrets. Forget the past but remember what it taught you. Sometimes, you just have to smile, pretend everything's okay, hold back the tears and walk away. If you want to see the rainbow you must go through the rain. If you want TRUE LOVE you must go through the pain. Women were made from a man's rib, not from his head to be superior, not from his feet to be walked on, but from his side to be equal, from under the arm to be protected, and from next to the heart to be loved.

Mind focused on one thing only
While your wife is at home sick of being lonely

All responsibilities are out the door
Her cries you again ignore

You will do whatever you have to do
Any lies you can construe

Nothing or no one else is more essential
Losing all self worth and potential

Stealing the kids toys and bikes
Hurting her with each continuous strike

Selling your soul with each puff of the pipe
Polluting your mind with each line you swipe

Either death or prison awaits
Only God can determine your fate

Prison takes you away from everyone
The pain you have caused cannot be undone

Now you have taken a life in sorrow
All your dreams and hopes of tomorrow

Will be lived behind those bars
Your family will continue to feel the scars

Your addiction left behind
Memories of torture to remind

Pain endured will last a lifetime
You’re not the only one paying for your crime

You’re addiction affected everyone around you
And broke the hearts of the one’s who truly love you

© copyright Tue Aug 10 10:20:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Homeless

I wrote and posted this back in August, but since I am attempting to let go of my past in order to move toward my future I want to post about the bad so that I can be thankful for where I am now going into this New Year.  I am still no where near where I want to be in my life and feeling a bit unsatisfied...So, this is a reminder of what I went through just 3 years ago...And this only scratched the surface...

I just received this message from a very good friend :) Love ya Tiff...I just thought I'd share!!!

There comes a point n ur life when u realize: Who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, an who always will, so dont worry about people from the past, there is a reason they didnt make it 2 ur future

It all started when my marriage crumbled into ashes
My life went crashing

I had no idea what was about to transpire
Distress got me fired

Life turning upside down
So called friends are nowhere to be found

Had to make the hardest decision
Sending my children to daddy was more than I could envision

Endured unimaginable affliction
Starting all from the first eviction

Living place to place was not where they needed to be
Sleeping and eating daily was not a guarantee

No one showed me compassion
Generosity only came in rations

Times got desperate
Keeping mind and body separate

As I did things I never thought I could do
Putting myself in situations I wish no one had to ever go through

I learned no one truly cares
Except the Man above, who I send my tearful prayers

Had to learn how to humble myself and set my pride aside
Having faith that He will always provide

All along He heard my silent plea
After I learned my lessons He started blessing me

Sending me in the direction I needed to succeed
Gaining the strength to proceed

He carried me through the horrors of the streets
My fears I have no choice but to defeat

© copyright Tue Aug 11 9:00:02 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Let Me Love You

We’ve had our share of ups and downs
At times we thought we couldn’t get through together
Saying goodbye is all to familiar heartbreaking sounds
But your love still grazes my heart as calming as a feather
We’ve attempted to walk away time after time
But the love we share is out of our control
Any rough mountain with you I am willing to climb
You hold the only key to my inner soul
These feelings are deeper than we thought possible
Still we keep our guards up, ready and armed
Instead we need to completely give in to the impossible
Take cover within one another and completely unarm
I guarantee I would satisfy every need or desire
Want for nothing because I am all yours for the taking
I can provide you with ANYTHING you require
To fulfill your every fantasy my heart is aching
Just let go and let me completely love you
I promise you will have no regrets
Within our love we entirely subdue
Any disappointments you will soon forget
Baby, just let go and let me completely love you…

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Love

When I first meet you I wasn’t sure what would unfold
The chemistry we had could not go untold
As soon as we laid eyes on each other we connected
It was like when I looked in your eyes I saw my life reflected
I felt as if I couldn’t get enough
Of you, Like you were sent from above
I could feel your love up my spine
You were someone that I can spend all of my time
I just had to make you mine
Your body I desire
Your love sets my heart on fire
You are just what I needed in my life
My heart feels like a kite floating in the sky
You make me feel so good inside
Any instructions I can abide
You inside me is what I lust
Experiencing you is a must
Making love to you is like no other
You are the best lover
Friend and confidant that I could have asked for
I couldn’t have wished for more
We are so much alike it is unreal
My heart is yours to steal
Wonderful is the way you make me feel
You keep me flowing like a river
You make my body quiver
They way I feel is indescribable
Words do not give it justice, it is unbelievable
Anytime you need me look to your right, I will always be by your side
I am here for that long ride
Anything that comes our way we can handle
Our love will never go out like a candle
Anytime you feel like you need me just call
I will be there giving you my all
I love you boo
And will do anything for you


© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Mirror

As I look in the mirror at my reflection
I can only see my imperfections

Trying hard to point out the good within me
Discovering what others can clearly see

Searching my soul for my purpose here
Wanting my fears to just disappear

Gaining strength to fulfill my goals
Desiring again to feel complete and whole

Seeking out in my life what’s missing
Pushing past my thoughts constantly reminiscing

Overlooking nightmares haunting
Attempting to cease the persistent taunting

Wondering how my experiences can benefit others
Hoping my joy and pain can help another

Spreading my life through my words
Speaking my truths that were previously unheard

Looking past my physical appearance
Ignoring the usual interference

Exploring all possible resolutions
Not focusing on any other conclusions

Making my place in this universe
Sending all negative energy into reverse

My destination route is now clearer
Double checking my reflection in the mirror

© copyright Wed Oct 14 7:51:00 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Free

Sometimes I just want to be alone
To be invisible and unknown

In my own little space
No one to chase

No one around
Completely quiet, hearing no sounds

Not dealing with anyone’s attitude
Not having to show anyone gratitude

Just free to be me
No rules and no guarantee

Feeling only my own thoughts and dreams
No one hearing my inner screams

Dealing with self first and foremost
Mind escaping into the unknown, curtains finally closed

Going anywhere my heart desires
Feeding my soul with what it requires

Just completely loving me
Being free to just be me…

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Beauty

Fresh hair cut and color; make up looking fierce
Eyes deep enough to pierce

My fresh black pumps with the newly manicured toes out
Looks are deceiving; inside I am overcoming self doubt

Tight, sexy dark blue jeans with the red low cut top
Making all the on-looking men’s jaw drop

Cute baby face on the outside
But who wants to really know the complete inside

Short in height and small in frame
Does anyone care what’s really in my brain

Focused and professional, but always real
When will someone truly care how I really feel

Smiling face in front of the others
Can we truly trust one another

Not impressed unless they can really connect mentally
And not only for satisfaction that only last’s momentarily

The eyes are the key to ones soul
Look deep inside that person and see their true role

Everyone in life is not for keeps
Every night I singly sleep

Choosing not to settle for less than I deserve
My full heart I have chosen to reserve

It’s not in my physical description, but what’s in my heart
My inner beauty is my true work of art

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Feeling Love

I am very confusing and emotional
But my love to the fullest is purely unconditional

If you can see past my inner fears
Look deeper inside, things aren’t always as they appear

Trust is something I still have a hard time believing in
Still feeling so much pain within

Never thinking I was good enough to be loved in return
Loving me is something I had to relearn

Allowing someone in my heart again
Brings up fears that are hard to explain

Just wrap your arms around me and hold on tight
At times I may need reassurance that everything is alright

Be patient as I learn how to love once more
While our love to the fullest we explore

Your love to me almost seems unreal
Assist me while I am learning to feel

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

My Sunrise

Your love is like the sunrise
Being there indefinite is not a compromise
Like the water fall
So elegant and pouring you it’s all
Like an ocean
Not always smooth but deep with emotion
Like a rose
With time matures and grows
Like a mountain
Strong and never doubting
Like a river
Continuously flowing, making me quiver
Like a flower
Beautiful and ready to empower
Like a beach
Relaxing with destination out of reach
Like the clouds
It’s presence is endowed
Like a Lion and cub
Secure, safe and always filled with love
Like a home
Stable, domesticated and never alone

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Kiss

Kiss me like you never have before
My reservations and hesitations totally ignore

I know I haven’t allowed myself to completely let go
Allowing emotions to reach its plateau

I have been scared to give in
Terrified to truly begin

Kissing you takes things to a new height
Setting a blaze my fears to ignite

Trusting you entirely
Releasing to you my heart in its entirety

Unleashing feelings never felt
While insecurities continue to melt

Demonstrate without words but with actions
Not allowing for any distractions

Feeling again that pure love actually exists
All of these feelings set free just by your loving kiss

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Distance

The love I feel for you is more than just lust
Even though there are miles of roadway between us

Your love comforts when distance prevails
Depths once thought impossible are now unveiled

We are now again oceans apart
But in your hands you hold the only key to my heart

Whatever comes our way we can transcend
Before we became lovers we began as friends

Our years of friendship has made loving you instinctive
Spending time around you now is purely seductive

I wish I could have you every second of everyday
Since that is impossible today

I will be patient as I prove my love to you
No matter how long it takes, no matter what we have to go through

Our love is in existence
Nothing changes except a little distance

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Devotion

I am not fakin this time around
My feelings for you are deep and profound

I know I hurt you not just once but more than twice
When your love will always suffice

I am ready to give you all of me
Not half or a fraction, ALL of me

You are someone I could commit the rest of my life to
For you there is nothing I wouldnt do

When I am around you my heart skips a beat
My body goes numb from my head to my feet

Nothing else matters, as if time is standing still
Wanting this feeling to last from now until

Forever and a day
Words cant possibly relay all that my heart wants to say

My actions will show my hearts true emotions
To you I pledge my undying devotion

© copyright Wed Dec 09 6:32:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVE (My step father)

Awaken

His touch awakens, as a breath of fresh air
His kiss evokes feelings deep
Way beyond a casual affair
With my heart at ease, comes peaceful sleep
His heart soothes inner fears
His eyes confirm sincerity
Wiping away stains left from trails of tears
Walls tumbling, leaving room for prosperity
His personality completely comforts, emotions ignite
His hands guide in new undiscovered directions
Withstanding disagreements, previews a different light
Willingly demonstrates truth behind affections
His voice fills my ears, profoundly outspoken
Words don’t give justice to an unwritten lyric
With him, love prevails the unspoken
His love fully awakens my spirit

Miles Away

Even though you are miles away
My heart only feels the love we share
Our love is powerful and here to stay
I will always feel how much you care

You are within my soul, every fiber in my being
The connection we share is undeniable
We have our problems that were not foreseen
But our love is always reliable

We are worth fighting for
Whatever it takes
Whatever God has in store
No matter how high the stakes

We can surpass, as long as we have each other
The world is our play ground
No one can put us under
Even as problems mound

We will find a way
Hold onto what we have, just don’t give up
And the benefits will come as they may
We have more on our side than luck

I miss you, and will be here
For you no matter what, no matter how long
Because our love will do the steering
There is no way we can go wrong

God will provide us with more
Just learn the lessons that are in store

I wish you weren’t miles away
But this is God’s way

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Trance

At work unable focus on the phone, I’m in my own little zone
Whatever they are talking about is unknown

My mind is in a trance
Focused on last nights romance

I am still feeling your love immersing my pores
My soul kissing yours

The sensual touch of your ecstasy
Bringing reality to our fantasies

Your kisses floating my senses
Naturally your love leaves me defenseless

My hearts pain you completely console
Your love seeping the depths of my heart and soul

My senses redefined and enhanced
Your love locks me in a total trance

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Emotional Collision

The sound of your voice sends chills up my spine
These feelings inside love defines

Your touch is always a comforting guide
These emotions are like waves about to collide

The scent of you relaxes my senses
And shuts down all the barriers to my defenses

Pure ecstasy soothes my inner soul
My body moves to the music only you can control

Acting out what is felt and not scripted
Like our own language of love has been secretly encrypted

Creating the décor of our personal nirvana
You are my relaxant, better than anyone’s marijuana

Relax and close your eyes; enjoy this as our personal eclipse
Kissing you feels like Heaven piercing through my hips

Embrace as one; our souls adhere
Feel my love immersing into your atmosphere

Pure satisfaction is more than you could ever envision
Conceive within you, and embrace this emotional collision

Of true and unconditional love…

© copyright Tue Aug 04 17:55:19 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved