Wednesday, December 30, 2009


I wrote and posted this back in August, but since I am attempting to let go of my past in order to move toward my future I want to post about the bad so that I can be thankful for where I am now going into this New Year.  I am still no where near where I want to be in my life and feeling a bit unsatisfied...So, this is a reminder of what I went through just 3 years ago...And this only scratched the surface...

I just received this message from a very good friend :) Love ya Tiff...I just thought I'd share!!!

There comes a point n ur life when u realize: Who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, an who always will, so dont worry about people from the past, there is a reason they didnt make it 2 ur future

It all started when my marriage crumbled into ashes
My life went crashing

I had no idea what was about to transpire
Distress got me fired

Life turning upside down
So called friends are nowhere to be found

Had to make the hardest decision
Sending my children to daddy was more than I could envision

Endured unimaginable affliction
Starting all from the first eviction

Living place to place was not where they needed to be
Sleeping and eating daily was not a guarantee

No one showed me compassion
Generosity only came in rations

Times got desperate
Keeping mind and body separate

As I did things I never thought I could do
Putting myself in situations I wish no one had to ever go through

I learned no one truly cares
Except the Man above, who I send my tearful prayers

Had to learn how to humble myself and set my pride aside
Having faith that He will always provide

All along He heard my silent plea
After I learned my lessons He started blessing me

Sending me in the direction I needed to succeed
Gaining the strength to proceed

He carried me through the horrors of the streets
My fears I have no choice but to defeat

© copyright Tue Aug 11 9:00:02 UTC 2009 - All Rights Reserved


25champ said...

Definetly been there, but the light at the end of the tunnel was more intriging than the dark cloud that was following me. I learned really quick that my thoughts were only shared by God. To allow him to set my path instead on trying to create my own. Faith is hard, but very neccessary. Great post!

JStar said...

Thanks 25Champ...I am still looking for the light at the end of this tunnel man...This dark cloud thats over me has been consistant for this entire decade...Literally...I am determined to make this upcoming decade one filled with love, internal happiness and complete joy...

Gregorio Martino said...

Sometimes we have to make the decission to save ourselves or go down with the ship. It does no good to go down with the ship so there is no decission to be made. You must get strong before you can save others. You can do it.

JStar said...

Yea Gregorio, Well I went down with the ship because I was holding on for dear life...Just like in Titanic...I got pinned down at the rocky bottom for wayyyy tooo long...I FINALLY made it back to shore and now envisioning the clouds as my stopping point...I just see the clouds at such a distant that they appear almost faint...But still soaring amoungst the sharks trying to pull me back under...

Mmnn those were some good metaphors huh LMAO

paul wynn said...

thats powerful jennifer, to put those into poetry is fulfilling. As long as your happy its all you need to be

JStar said...

:) So true Paul...Maybe I went through all that just so that I can write about it...dunno the purpose but I went through it and I am so much stronger now

Senorita said...

I can't imagine what you must have gone through, and I am glad things are better than they were 3 years ago.

You do really have to look out for yourself. It really is every man for himself out there.

I think you definitely are in a position to relate to others and help them.

I hope you are successful in whatever you decide to do. I hope you write a book about it.

Dulce said...

My God- That must have been a terrible experience... it's good you can know write(so well) about it from the distance, the forgiveness and, most important, HOPE.

Hugs My sweet friend! :)

JStar said...

Thanks so much for your kind words Senorita!!

Yea, I went through hell and back literally...Soem of it was my fault and the rest was others and where I allowed them to take me...After falling on my face I got right back up...Had no choice, I have daughters that needed me...I hope I can help others through my words, it would make what I went through all worth it...

I am DEF writing a book, just havent really felt motivation...But the ideas are flowing in my lil brain

JStar said...

Thanks so much Dulce...You have no idea, this poem didnt come close to what I went through but it touched on it a bit...I still have to get over everything before I am able to effectively write about it in more detail...

Supastarrr said...

I admire you're strength. The best is yet to come for you, don't lose sight of that.

JStar said...

Thanks Supastarr, thats what I am praying for...Staying focused in this New Year :) Have a blessed one!

Anonymous said...

Truth is it can suddenly happen to people, I think about about the homeless people every day.

JStar said...

Yea, I always looked down on homeless people...Until I was homeless...I actually sat and talked with them like I was no better than they were...They had no idea I was also homeless at the time...I learned very valuable lessons in this time, saw things that changed my way of thinking...