Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Wasted

Wasted

Your sorrows are forgotten but still remain
Currently not driving you insane

Deep within they are bleeding
Giving power while misleading

Intoxicating your inner thoughts
Leaving you completely distraught

Even more confused
Ego continues to bruise

Drink after drink
Mind and heart no longer in sync

Puffing and passing
Memories still harrasing

Too blasted to even care anymore
Feelings totally being ignored

Now able to sleep without nightmares
Victory declares

One more day concluded
Horros eluded

But still slowly eating at your flesh
New problems continue to manifest

Nothing to look forward to
To the bottom of the bottle you subdue

Awake and start the routine again
Now your sanity depends

On these chemicals you're using to set free
Still trashed with debris

Sobriety never again tasted
Lifeless life remains wasted

8 comments:

25champ said...

Sad situation. Alcoholism is a disease and people will go to the extremes once the liquor takes over. U did the right thing. Tough love is all you can offer at this point. Great Post! check out Mind Games when you get a chance.
http://25champ-lovestoned.blogspot.com/?spref=tw

järnebrand said...

I am so sorry. I believe you did the right thing, too. You are not his parent. He's your brother, and you love him, but he needs help. I think he needs to understand he needs help, in order to reach out for help. It's tough. Maybe if you'd contact Al Anon they could give you a few pointers on how to deal with this. Not that you have any obligation to deal with his problems, but you still might want to try to.
Love and hugs/ Jo.

Brian Miller said...

lifeless life about summs it up...i agree you did the right thing and it puts the ball in his court as far as what he does next...

Just telling it like it is said...

Sending you some hugs hun...
nursing note: I was taught in school that alcoholics are actually allergic to alcohol..I don't know if that helps but save your self and your children no on can fault you for that for sure!

Secretia said...

My heart reaches out to you, Jennifer. I have a brother who has problems too.

Secretia

Traci Lavette said...

Wow, J...that's sad. I am sorry for your "loss". So, the intervention failed which means he is not quite ready to accept that he needs help. I hope he comes to the realization soon so that the family can begin to heal - individually, and collectively. That is important.

You mentioned something about "nightmares". Is there something deeper going on? My ex that commited suicide, was drinking a lot before he made the decision to take his own life. Looking back, I think it would be pretty safe to say that he was a functioning alcoholic. But Iraq is what did him in though, which is why I asked if there was something deeper going on with your brother. Not my business...just wondering.

I hope it gets better soon.

JStar said...

Champ-Yes the extremes I couldn’t take no more…When he decided to take my car and joy ride ALL day long Saturday when I had important stuff to do and left me with his kids in the house with no food….There is something wrong…He had already had issues with drugs and that was a crack head move…I dealt with that with my ex husband for 6 years and I REFUSE to deal with it again…I cant see him drinking himself to death…Tough love is all I have left to give him…

Thanks Jo…I dealt with my ex with the same issues so I am almost a pro….I cant help him, I was only enabling him…He needs help but isn’t ready to take that step…His father died from the same issues….I cant do it another day….

Brian-I sure hope that he uses this time with mom to get himself together just as I did…Life isn’t over unless he gives up…

Secretia-There is nothing we can do but love them and pray for them…

Traci-You hit the nail on the head with that one…He sure isn’t ready and I honestly think that he will never be….I think he is drinking himself to death….Depression runs in our family, I suffered for my entire life as well as other family members, so does he…Yes, he has nightmares and drinks to make the nightmares go away…I let him read this poem and he started tearing up because he knew every word of it was true…I am soooo sorry for your loss…I know that was one of the hardest things that you had to deal with…But just know, there was NOTHING you could have done to stop it…I contemplated suicide everyday and fought the urge everyday to where I was consumed with the thoughts and always thinking of ways to do it…He was hurting, something you or anyone couldn’t have helped him but God could have given him comfort if he would have came to Him with his troubles…

Dulce said...

Oh Isn't it great to be able to look at the bright side of life even if only once in a blue moon!!

I am so happy for YOU!

Hugs dear J!