The past has passed

You didn't treat me the way I deserved when you had me

I was all yours and made that clear to see

So why do you now send me "I am thinking of you" messages to my phone

I didn't hear from you in my months of healing alone

But when I decide to move on and am happy with another, you now can't live without me

Our parting was what we agreed

And what was truly best 

My loyalty you now want to test 

But you know I am loyal to the one I am with, so why do you think you can change my mind

Thinking I am having any desires to go back in time 

Repeating our past is not something I want to return to

My life is happier without you

I am sorry if that has you missing what was real

Love for you my heart no longer feels

It's time to accept that what we had is long gone

You must now move on

Because I have and nothing you can say or do can change my feelings for you

And any devising plans you can possibly construe

Your stalker tendencies are becoming old

So please remove any love for me that your heart still holds

These words to you will be my last

I am leaving the past in the past

Disillusioned Love

I gave him my heart, which included all of me

He claimed his soul only belonged to me

Pretended to be only mine

That his body was all mine

But only came around when he had time

And my body was all of our time

No quality time he made time for

He always had more important things he made his time for

I wasn't a priority to him

I wasn't as important to him

As he tried to make me believe 

Spending moments in bed holding onto what he wanted me to believe 

Attention only paid through texts and phone calls

But he was consistent and for him my body still calls

Because for me, he was my one and only 

But for him, I wasn't his only

He had too many others to tend to

My needs weren't as important for him to cater to

My heart he only pretended to love

When in reality my body was his love

My heart was shattered in pieces

When his girl at home crushed each and every piece

Of hope I had for me and him

The dreams of happily ever after with just me and him 

The lies he fed to my vulnerability, I allowed 

He wasn't the only to blame because his false love, I allowed

Disregarding all the signs that were clear

He showed me who he was but now my fogged glass of vision was now clear

He promised he would never hurt me like that

He lied and say he loved me more than that

Even after the truth was revealed, he still tried to convince me that his love was real

Having me question fake from real

To clear my confusion I had to leave him alone

And pick up the smashed and broken piece of me, all alone

The knowing... of knowing

Dreams tasted upon his lips of yesterday's promise

Today's rain soothed in the whispers of his voice

Trusting the waterfalls of obstacles that present 

Knowing at the end our hands will still be interlocked 

Hearts forever intertwined

A bond that is inseparable 

Security only found at the ending of rainbows

Lilies wildly grazing the fields 

Land sliding through pockets of mud and debris

Reunited by magnetism of souls connected throughout space

Comic attractions penetrate surfaces 

The density of emotions sincerity

History builds foundations for futures  reward 

His aura surrounds my vision 

The one my soul searches for 

The only home I know 

Comfort found in just knowing

Resolution of commitment

A lifetime of preparations for co-existence 

If time allows sacrifice

Efforts of togetherness breed actions

Voiced verbal notes that flow the same beat... on repeat

The knowing... of just knowing...  

To be one

I want to inhale his breath as his soul fills my lungs

To be the taste he salivates for  

The scent that his nose craves to smell

A part of his genetic make up

As he resides within each layer of my skin

The sun that shines in his pupils so bright that dilation sets in

Tingly sensations instantly rise chill bumps

Butterflies fluttering from head to toe 

Words get lost without the ability to be spoken

Tongues whisper a language only known to one another

Eyes connected reading each other's thoughts 

The kiss that produces electrical infusions 

Strength that defies human force

To the realm of which spirits dance in harmony 

Creating symphonies of shooting stars

The light that illuminates within

As each touch erupts volcanoes

When brain waves become parallel 

The merging of two beings

To be one 

My reasons

He encompass my sea of tranquility

The calm within my storm

Peace that comforts me

The moons glow glimmering in my eyes

Steadiness that balances my equilibrium 

Shifting planets in the atmosphere

The rushing of the waves that collide directly into my love

Reasoning that defies senses

My gardens of desires fertilized

Nurturing growth within my spirit

Baring fruits of labors reward

Injections of rainbow colored energies

My breath of fresh air

That breezes my flesh

Wishes upon fallen stars

Flowered fragrances the fill my scent

Tap dances of rhythms that palpitate inspirations

With the intensity if lighting strikes

That rejuvenate my soul

Infusing life

For breathing

He is my reason

Into the light

It's taken me some time to get used to this
There were many opportunities to just dismiss
But what has already been established keeps our energies connected
Going with what hearts have selected
With communication and compromise
Our passion is like waves about to collide
You make me see the glass half full
Motivating me to be better, reminding me that I already know which
strings to pull
Freeing my mind of doubt and stress
Taking comfort in the ability for secrets to confess
My past misjudgments and heartaches made it hard for me to trust
But truth is, my love for you goes far deeper than the obvious lust
You bring light to my darkness
Allowing me to release any fear that I harnessed
Bringing different shades of color to my rainbow
When the stars fall, you are in the moons glow
The reason for the morning sunshining so bright
Taking my spirit to new heights
The rapid rhythm in my heartbeat
Appreciating the beauty in its occasional offbeat
You are the scent I inhale
The images in my visions veil
You are in my smile and the reason for my bounce
I so naturally allow you to be the holder of my heart, every ounce
Making a decision to trust isn't a decision that comes easy for me
Just handle it with care is my only plea
Letting go while hands are held tight
Walking into the light

Sweet Dreams

The clouds are getting dark and the sky looks as if it's falling 

I can barely breathe, the walls are slowly closing in

The screams are becoming silent and rigor has set in

Unable to move, muscles become limp

Mind searching muddy waters 

Bloodshed dreams massacre sights 

Tasting salt filled tears

Uncontrollable shaking persisting convulsions 

Heart beating out of my chest 

Sweat streaming puddles of escape

Ocean tides sweeping me under

Drowning disappointments and pain

Scratching the ground as the dirt suffocates    

I just want one more view of the sunlight 

Witness the trees blowing 

Smell the roses

Feel my hair flowing in the wind

The sun tainting my skin

To kiss the one I love one more time

I opened my eyes

And exhaled

I must rest

Wrongfully Misled

Blindsided by slick persuasion
Disregarding his public evasion
Captivated by his tongue
Thinking you’re the only one
While in fact you’re just one of many
Brushing off red flags thinking the other women are just in envy
The periodic glances and sly brushes weren’t your imagination
Just discretion used in their flirtations
Not giving much phone conversation because that’s not really his thing
You’re envisioning dresses and rings
Making future plans that he has no intentions on keeping
Your love to deeper depths continues seeping
Putting a commitment on hold while promising soon to come
Into his lies you succumb
Stringing you on just enough to get your attention
His true motives are beyond your comprehension
Guaranteeing pleasures to remain the same
Still believing that one day you will bare his last name
Keep your eyes open at all times
The pieces of the puzzle will eventually fall in line
All the signs were previously misread
Feeling like a fool for giving your all because you were being wrongfully misled

Embrace

Tiptoed a dance around the seams 

Even appearing in dreams

At each hour that passes

Desire floating flames

Tasting roses blooming your palate 

Serenading your temple

Purple hues of sun rays

Singing love melodies of memories

Air walking on clouds

Reaching for the sun

Blinded by attraction

Souls emulate action 

A rhythms sync

Basking in the light

The chill bumps that rise

Altering the beat of hearts 

Depths of seas encased passion

Each moment stolen treasures engrave

A sketch of the physique  shadow silhouettes

Awakening dreams control thoughts and emotion

The heart tells the stories of its intent

And contains a hold onto your skin

Down to the core element that never dies

Interlocked in its webs

Care free and secure

Intensity at its extreme

Free falling within its realms

The oozing of a vampires bite

In a trance that has no ending

Embracement of love

   

In love with another

I thought it was those words that made all the difference
How they rolled off your tongue mid-sentence
Waited my entire life for you to speak
Momentarily made my knees weak
Images of our wedding day was like a dream come true
Perfections that my mind over-drew
We were always each other’s fall back
Even after over two decades, there are things we still lack
Even still, we have yet to have the ability to let each other completely go
We are our addiction
Played out fairytale love stories like they weren’t fiction
This time around, you almost led me astray
From my current love, I contemplated walking away
Taking the risk for you and me
When you got down on bended knee
Sending my mind in doubt and confusion
But my heart had a different conclusion
I am in love with another man
And that disregards your lifetime plans
That can no longer include me and you
We have to let this go once and for all
Even if this weren’t the case, there has always been something blocking my fall
I can’t explain it, but for you my heart just won’t allow me to feel
I guess the up and downs and back and forth’s, has kept my barriers sealed
Knowing I could never recover from another heartbreak
Those risks are too great for my heart to again partake
This time you were just a little bit too late
I gave up on these years that for us no longer await
Even so, my heart is already spoken for
And my true love I can never ignore
He has me in totality like no other
So now we must permanently part ways, because I am in love with another

Yours

You got me
My whole heart has your name written all over it
Visions of you are etched within my spirit
I yearn only for you

It’s you that I crave
I bask the brightest glow within my smile
That you keep on my face
Day and night
Just the mere thought of you
Captures each moment on replay
Every second of us flood my heart
The keeper of our secrets
Confide in our souls
Merged together
Our connection in an unstoppable force
That grows in strength
With each passing second
No one else stands a chance
Attempts go unnoticed
Unfazed by any other
Because, I belong to you

Run Away

I am starting to feel feelings of love and I want to run

As far as possible in the opposite direction

Maybe a distraction or start an argument and be done

I just can't trust this passion, this longing affection

Replaying doubts and what if's for every possible scenario of what could go wrong 

Running before any sign of trouble, attempting to avoid heartbreak 

I can't imagine having to be strong

That mourning again I just can't take

But I want love more than anything else ever

I dream about it day and night

But nothing is a guarantee to last forever

It's a losing battle to even put up a fight

Because I feel everything deeper than most

I can't put my heart on the line to again be broken in shattered pieces

I just want to pack a bag and disappear to the coast

Get away until these feelings cease

But it's calling me by my name

Getting louder and louder not allowing me to rest

I can't repeat more of the same

I don't have the strength to pass this test

Mind clouded locating the easiest escape route to an unknown destination

Throwing away the keys to my heart

Raising my barriers for protection against deception

Running for me has been some form of art

And I don't know how to let anyone completely in

Vulnerability is uncomfortable and uncontrollable, avoiding at all cost

Images of the smirky grins 

As the lies my mind believed but in the end my love lost

How can I even consider putting myself out there

How could I have even allowed these feeling to grow 

How do I know he is sincere and truly cares

How do I just go with the flow

I have gotten myself in just a little too deep

And I don't know how to cope

Out of nowhere these feelings through the crevices seeped 

Now I feel like I am falling down the slipperiest slope

With no ability to grasp onto anything to pull myself out

No control over these emotions being felt

But living life without

A true love is not the hands I were dealt

I must learn how to let go of my fears and love with everything in me

I must learn to trust with all of my heart

But I don't know how to even clearly see

And I have no idea where even to start

Love Broken

The distance echoes feelings that remain unfelt
Separation of longing emotions dealt
Heart hardens with each passing moment of absence
Doubts cloud assurance
Sincerity now in question
Confessions kept in discretion
Hopes and dreams placed too high
The misread position no longer applied
No use in giving my all while your options are entertained
My heart is left bruised and stained
Time wasted, love misdirected
No resurrection after truths disconnected
Picking up the pieces and moving forward
Your attempts now being ignored
What’s left now when love restored vision
It takes more to make the best decisions
We cannot allow a distraction
And our obvious chemical reactions
Have us following with our hearts instead of our mind
When everything else is misaligned
Walking away is hard but it’s a must
To love’s unjust
Words left unspoken
Hearts left broken

My love is all I have

I don't know what it is that we are doing

Have no idea where we are going 

I just know that I can't let this go, I tried

They were real tears that my soul cried

Love was never meant to be perfect, it's not always flowers and sunsets

Life has a funny way of stepping in and won't allow your past to forget

Second guessing and doubting my gut instinct 

I over analyze and constantly rethink

What is it that he even see's in me that I can't see in myself 

My accounts are overdrawn and I am far from wealth

I have nothing to bring to the table

And at times I can be emotionally unstable

All I have to give is this love within me that is dying to be shared

To give me again without guarantee, I am more than scared 

But my heart didn't even put up a fight 

To my darkness, he is my light 

My vision is clear but it's only him that I see, I only yearn for he

I've given him hell and he still wants me

Still believes that there is a chance for us to succeed 

I have provided many opportunities for him to concede

It's obviously going to take a lot of communication and compromise

Our conflicting personalities and views will cause our previous plans to revise 

But it will allow a growth to develop and it's worth fighting for

The rewards can be so much more

Than previously imagined or even dreamed

Working together so that we are no longer fighting the current upstream 

The love inside of me has yet to be released in full capacity

But I can promise the strength of tenacity

My mind is made up and I am positive in my decision 

And I am willing to show him more than he could envision

I am now ready to give him all of me

To my heart, he has the only key

I don't know what it is that we are doing

Have no idea where we are going

But my heart didn't even put up a fight

To my darkness, he is my light

Will the past ever forgive 

Is my love enough, because its all I have to give 

 

Crumbling Barriers

I taste the lies dripping from his tongue that taste as sweet as chocolate kisses

Falling for the words sugar coated

Melting my heart with promises of the world

While never even chasing rainbows

Never even enjoying the moon

Wishing upon the falling stars

His lies were so convincing

So truthful to my aching heart

Blinded by the glare in his eyes

Fooled but the fuckery in his voice

The tones of his lies were too sweet to give me a toothache

Until the clouds cleared

And I was finally able to see

The real truth from his chocolate covered lies

That kissed my lips 

And broke my heart into a million pieces 

Now I am here picking up the pieces of my broken heart

Unsure of my own gut feeling

I was fooled into believing in him 

Now I don't know which way is up or down

Doubting myself

Not even sure how to trust another again

The barriers around my heart grow thicker

Secluded myself 

For years I ran from any possibility of vulnerability

I had stopped even the thoughts of a relationship

When all of a sudden he came out of no where

And showed such persistence 

Then he kissed me like that

Still attempting restraint

I kept my barriers intact

But each stimulating conversation drew me in closer to him 

His mind captured my attention

His touch felt like Heaven

His kisses took me on a journey 

Through roses gardens and melodies 

I never imagined letting someone else in

This close to my heart

But he just feels right

Relaxing my fears and doubt

He just makes perfect sense

The passion within his frame I can't help but feel to my core

His love radiates my being

It had been so long since I felt that these feelings 

They were hard to internalize 

I didn't know how to act

Had no idea what to do or how to not act

It scared me so I attempted to push him away

Even tried to run from him

His consistency kept pulling me back 

Because the reality was 

That I already am in love with him

As much as I tried to deny it

My heart belonged to him

So eventually I gave in

And set my pride to the side

Allowing myself to feel his love

Allowing myself to feel vulnerable 

For only his eyes to see

Submitting to allow this love to flow

Like the blood in my veins

Taking it slow

Allowing natural progression to lead the way

Allowing my barriers to crumble

Just living in this moment

I just can't get this man out of my head

My heart in his direction is continuously led

No matter what else may seem best

My soul in his hands comfortably rests 

He is in the smell of my hair

Behind the visions of my stare

My scents flavor is enhanced by the pheromones together released

The volumes of each tone has increased

In every thought that crosses my mind

Each second on the hands of time

The whispers in my ear only rings his voice

My majestic desires of choice

The sensuality of my sexual drive

It's only him that controls how my body thrives

Each tear of joy that escapes my eyes

The pleasurable moments that hear my cries

He is forever embedded into my spirit

Responsible for writing the words to my lyrics

He is the motivation behind my appeal

The holder of the secrets that I conceal

The reason that letting go can never be an option

Taking the good and bad mixing our own concoction 

Figuring out what works best for us

Because its obvious that this has reached far beyond lust

Forgetting yesterday and not focused on tomorrow

Not interested in the time in between that was on borrow

Engulfing in the presence of now 

No longer worried about the when and how

Resting assured in contentment 

Just living in this moment

Impatiently

Attached to my phone

Looking for a text or to hear the sound of his ringtone

Every second resisting the urge to call

Just to hear his voice

Debating on sending this good morning text

Deciding against

I know I have said enough

He knows where I stand

Fighting back tears

Trying to be patient

But it’s pure torture

Every moment without him

I can’t think of anything else

My heart is on the line

I put it all out there

I feel vulnerable

Not sure of what else that can be done

Knowing I need to leave it be

For the moment

Trying to distract my mind

But nothing is working

Sitting on the edge of my seat

Waiting

For him to come to me

With open arms

Allowing my love back in

I know in reality it isn’t that easy

I understand why we are at this point

But I just can’t shut off these feelings

Can’t push away this love

That has me captive

So, I will continue to wait

Ever so impatiently

I miss us

As much as I try to deny it, I love him

With every breath left in my body

From the deepest depths of my soul

I miss the way he used to kiss me with such passion

The way he held me with such care

The way our hearts connected and spoke the language of love

I miss his scent filling my air

Caressing his chest

I miss laying in his arms not having to say a word

And the unspoken being felt on every inch of our bodies 

My heart longs for what was

Wondering if we will ever find our way back

To this love that has full control of me

I miss him... I miss us

Vengeful Envy

The wind whispered secrets in my ear of truths and falsies 

Spread further than the eyes could see

Beneath so-called friendships were deceiving lies all the while smiling in my face

Sucking away the air from my personal space

Vultures hovering over each word and sentence thinking of ways to construe

Attempting to take away joys and life with untruths

Little did they know their evil intentions were recognized for exactly what they were

Resistance made the pot difficult to stir

Sticking their noses in business that they had no right to assume

Victory prevailed never taking flight to consume

Privacy no longer being private, publicity became a dark shadow luring in defiance 

But in the end the real story became truths reliance

While side chatter will always continue

An arms lengths distance will now ensue

Nothing or no one can take the words from my heart and sound from my lips

It's just now my mind is stronger than hateful grips

I now can see the real from the fake

And my happiness will never again be at stake

No one has the power to take what's truly mine

In my thoughts my secrets are now confined

Lessons learned reserving my trust

True love has more strength than envy and lust

I can forgive but never forget so save any apologies or pleads

Vengeance in the end has no choice but to concede

Beautiful Silence

Just laying here in your arms I feel your soul connected to mine

Tingly sensations run up and down my spine

As I lie on your shoulder and caress your chest, each inch of your skin I kiss

Each second of our love making over and over I reminisce

Words not needed because each emotion is being felt and our eyes tell no lies

As each sunset’s, in you my sun rises

Our lips connect in ways that defy language with our own interpretations

Physical actions create cosmic salutations

Telepathically speaking our own heartfelt dialect

Communicating directly indirect

Brushing my hair to the side leaving kissed stained cheeks

In unidentified tongues our passion speaks

Imperfect perfections of moon gliding and spiritual dances

Right side up but yet upside down my heart and mind collectively enhances

I feel a war of spiritual revolution

Each nerve ending rejoices in electrocution

Brainwaves create inner galactic sound waves of our rhythmic harmony

Melodically script writing love-filled symphonies

Star surfing among constellations

With destiny being our destination

Inside out and outside in I feel you

As stained glass I see only you through

Feeding off the words unspoken yet spoken loud and clear

Our hearts so naturally cohered

Beyond explanation

Loves diagnosis without question or examinations

Flowing through each other as a river of inner commotion

Mixing pheromone ingredients of our unique love potion

Addiction remedies to a fiend’s lust

Beyond words being discussed

Lavishing in assurance of a non-verbal communicated alliance

Our souls speaking our beautiful silence