Freed

You tried to take me, my soul
Until I learned to gain control
You hurt me in ways I couldn’t let go
Locking my pain inside so no one would know
Desperately wanting my father’s love
Realizing my Father is the man above
Looking for love in the wrong places
Pushing past the hurt of many different faces
Made mistakes I can’t take back
Now focused on getting my life on track
Releasing the flash backs and nightmares
That haunted when no one cared
Finding and truly loving me
All that pain and hurt finally freed

Aim

Drips dropping slowly

Forming a knowing

Of obstacles and triumphs

In my throat formed a lump

Knowing what to do

Confidence seeping through

Finding my way in this place called life

Made amends with all this so called strife

Letting go of inhibitions

Making better decisions

My life I reclaim

To higher heights I aim

Deceit

Deceit

Not falling for your lies

Revealing your disguise

Elated I didn’t release my heart to you

Bigger and better opportunities I pursue

I deserve more respect than you have given

But all is forgiven

Because it’s not my place to judge

It’s not even worth me holding a grudge

I am not that same person anymore

No longer making the same mistakes as before

The difference is that I love and respect me now

Demanding what I deserve, I vow

Not wasting time in sorrow

Looking forward to a brighter tomorrow

Not even worthy of shedding a tear

When I know my heart is sincere

No longer giving to the undeserved

Especially when it’s unearned

No longer serving a purpose, cutting off all ties

Seeing truth beyond blatant falsies and deceit

 

Double Crossed

Double Crossed

You were the one I thought I’d spend my life with

But our “happily ever after” was a myth

I thought I knew you, everything about you

But your lies have been seen through

It hurts because above all else you were my best friend

That one person I could always depend

Now our friendship must cease

Leaving my broken heart in one piece

But at least now I know the truth

And am sure of what’s it’s my view

Now it’s time to let go and move on

My love is now withdrawn

Because you were never worthy of me

Not worthy to be the trustee

Of my heart and all that entails

And all of that would have unveiled

I guess it’s just you’re loss

With your plans to double cross

 

Stolen Kisses

Stolen Kisses

We see each other in passing routinely

Sneaking a peak here and there

So very discreetly

Words unspoken in midair

When the elevator doors closed

He reached in and kissed my lips

Tongues danced like they were composed

With eyes closed like an eclipse

Tensions mounted as my heart skipped a beat

Not wanting it to end

As the doors opened we tried to play discreet

But inside we couldn’t pretend

This was not long awaited

The longing could not dismiss

Lips left much elated

Until the next time of stolen kisses

Warmth

 Warmth

Snowflakes decorating the sky

Winter chills brisk bite

Loneliness hard to deny

That person holding me through the night

Loving me to no end

Body heat rising

Fluids mixing to the perfect blend

Positions continuously revising

Defining ecstasy with chemistry untamed

Arising eruptions unable to conceal

Heart lustfully inflamed

My dreams so alive, almost surreal

Intrigued

Dali Salvador

Intrigued by the depths of you

Got me wondering if I should pursue

Curiosity is getting the best of me

Putting myself out there with no guarantee

I am feeling your sexy style

Hopeful you are worthwhile

Not looking for anything serious

Loving the mysterious

Wanting to know what it takes to make you smile

Levels of you trying to compile

Piecing together the real you

Asking myself if you are true

I have enjoyed time spent

Curious of your intent

Time will only tell

If things will excel or we say our farewells

Actions speak louder than words could ever

Hoping we are successful in our endeavor

Eager to see if you can take my breathe and leave me fatigue

You have me very intrigued…

Vibe

Vibe

Vibes flowing within my veins

Of thoughts remain

On the tip of my pen

Releasing over and over again

Flooding paper with unspoken words

Previously unheard

No longer locked inside

All my secrets I confide

Feeling the rhythm

Becoming the victim

Getting lost in thought

Inner battles being fought

Verses being scribed

Syncing with each syllable of this vibe

 

Awaken

Awaken Love-Charlotte Atkinson

Awaken

His touch awakens, as a breath of fresh air

His kiss evokes feelings deep

Way beyond a casual affair

With my heart at ease, comes peaceful sleep

His heart soothes inner fears

His eyes confirm sincerity

Wiping away stains left from trails of tears

Walls tumbling, leaving room for prosperity

His personality completely comforts, emotions ignite

His hands guide in new undiscovered directions

Withstanding disagreements, previews a different light

Willingly demonstrates truth behind affections

His voice fills my ears, profoundly outspoken

Words don’t give justice to an unwritten lyric

With him, love prevails the unspoken

His love fully awakens my spirit

 

Beauty- HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME :)

HAPPY 35TH BIRTHDAY TO ME :)

Beauty

Fresh hair cut and color; make up looking fierce

Eyes deep enough to pierce

My fresh black pumps with the newly manicured toes out

Looks are deceiving; inside I am overcoming self doubt

Tight, sexy dark blue jeans with the red low cut top

Making all of the on-looking mens jaw drop

Cute baby face on the outside

But who wants to really know the complete inside

Short in height and small in frame

Does anyone care whats really in my brain

Focused and professional. but always real

When will someone truly care how I really feel

Smiling face in front of others

Can we truly trust one another

Not impressed unless they can really connect mentally

And not only for satisfaction that only lasts momentarily

The eyes are the key to ones soul

Look deep inside that person and see thier true role

Everyone in life is not for keeps

Every night I singly sleep

Choosing not to settle for less than I deserve

My full heart I have chosen to reserve

It's not in my physical description, but whats in my heart

My inner beauty is my true work of art

Just Once More

Just Once More

Lying here in this bed next to him

Wanting him to touch and love me until my knees go numb

Longing to feel his soft kisses on my neck

Loving me all the way down past the small of my back

His hands caressing my thighs as gentle as a feather

Making my senses alert and sensitive to his touch

Craving to feel him inside

Taking me to our special sensual place

Indulging into pure ecstasy

Falling asleep in his arms, awakening to his much desired kisses

But instead

I lay next to this man I love with every molecule of my body

Hurting, missing the love we shared

Both knowing we cannot be, not now

But the love we share is so powerful and keeps pulling us back

Now we lay here as two friends would

Pretending we don’t want to give in

Just once more…

 



Stimulation

Stimulation

His lips taste as sweet as chocolate strawberries

The love he continuously gives, my heart carries

Softly rubbing his sexy, clean shaven bald head

Knowing repeated eruption is not far ahead

While his juicy lips are gently massaging me

From my head all the way down to my feet

His hands slowly caressing, bringing sensations to new heights

Perfecting tongue wrestling fights

Stimulating each and every one of my senses

Licking up the fluids my body endlessly dispenses

Anticipating returning the favor

Each drop of him I truly savor

Loving each and every part of him

Until he feels complete numbness in his limbs

His muscular arms cradling my body to the best position

Forcing me into total submission

Following his lead

From his reactions I feed

Pure ecstasy refined

Memories I replay in my mind

 

AIDS-National AIDS Day

In loving memory of

Joe Hurlburt

 (Pictured on your left, the tallest one)

March 17, 1971 - July 9, 1997

AIDS

Aids took over and totally consumed his body

Causing him constant immeasurable pain

The pain was so great that he pushed away everybody

Until he was unable to maintain

He was no longer the brother I once knew

He had only himself to blame

This is the brother that taught me how to tie my shoes

He tortured himself in shame

He was scared to die but it was now a reality

All he wanted was to be loved

And now he was paying for his sexuality

He died feeling completely unloved

Except from his family and the people who really mattered

My mom had to watch her son slowly wither away

Her world was forever shattered

His death affected everyone around

I not only lost my brother but my best friend

Even though 13 years has passed, his presence still surrounds

The sorrow of missing him will never end

The memories I will never forget

The good and bad times I will always cherish

There is not a moment of regret

I still can’t believe his life on earth has been perished

I will hold his love in my heart forever

And the lessons he taught

His son never really knew his father however

His battle on earth has been fought

Good Morning All! Today is National AIDS day, a very important day for me since my brother succumbed to this horrible disease. People think they are invincible, just as he did. This is a very serious issue, please protect yourself. A moment of satisfaction could lead to a horrible death, one that I wouldnt wish upon my worst enemy.

Today

I chose this particular pic because its a view I am used to, sunrise in the DC metro area...And I am thankful each day I see this image...I actually pass the monument on my way toand from work :)

Today

Here one day, gone the next

It’s the time in between to reflect

Making each day joyous and fulfilling

Be open and willing

To take on each obstacle that comes our way

Not being lead astray

Cherish love in totality

Make happiness a reality

Stop wasting moments in sorrow

Look forward to tomorrow

For it is never promised

Let the beauty of today not be dismissed

Good Morning All! This is yet another reminder that we need to enjoy what is in front of us...today and stop relying on 2morrow...I JUST got some good news(As I was typing)...They are able to do the procedure...Its really risky and that terrifies me...But its a chance...So I am feeling a sense of relief right now eventhough he still has a long road ahead...I will be right there with him, battling this, encouring him...

Precious Life

Monet-Giverny

Precious Life

Life is so precious

It is something that should never be neglected

Savor each moment

As it is your last momentum

Every second that is past

Treat is as your last

Cherish time spent

Everything has something to represent

Take time and notice the small things

And see what it brings

Once the time is gone

There is no recalling

Always remember as you climb

God only gives us one lifetime

 

Thank You-Prayer

Dear God,

Thank you Lord for continuously blessing our lives

Thank you for opening our eyes

To your promises and guarantees

Thank you for putting our troubles and worries at ease

Please give us strength to bear adversities

Fill us with the Word that accompanies

Your love and grace

Our hunger for your knowledge embraced

Thirst for your spirit overcomes

Guiding us to being the best we can become

Teaching us your Word as it empowers

Your glory and love continuously showers

Cleansing away our sins

Continue to walk with us as our journey begins

Help us overcome the devils constant attack

Fill us with the confidence we currently lack

Thank you again Lord for always having our back

Thank you for keeping our lives on track

Even when we thought we didn’t have the strength to continue

Thank you for your love that always renews

Thank you Lord, Thank you

In Jesus name, Amen

 

Free Falling

Free Falling

Sick and tired of stressing

Constantly assessing

Damage already done

And all that’s left undone

Wondering how I am going to make it

Not understanding how the pieces will to fit

Letting go

Even though the debts are still owed

Having faith that He WILL provide

Closing my eyes and opening my arms out wide

Feeling assurance in His calling

Letting completely go and free falling

 

Deep

Deep

My love for you runs deep within my soul

My worries and fears, your love continues to console

We have been through our share of adversities

And overcome all of our uncertainties

No longer plagued by doubt

Your love I never want to live without

 

Faith

Faith

Why do we worry and stress

Instead of awaiting God to bless

We make choices that have consequences

Blaming Him for our mistakes is our greatest offense

Why do we fight against His will

Instead of trusting His Word to instill

Faith that everything will work out just as it’s supposed to

And not always when and how we want it to

We need to learn how to let go

And realize that He is the One that is in control

All He asks for is our love and obedience

Pray at the altar with faith and confidence

Live out our purpose here in this life

And He guarantees us eternal life

With inner peace and unconditional love

Just build a personal relationship with God above

Faces

Ocean Cherub-Michael Cromwell

Faces

Almost like a chameleon,

Changing with each atmosphere

A collage of faces,

Adapt and adhere

To particular circumstances,

Desiring different results

Seeking your goal,

Pretending not to insult

Falsely displaying,

Who you are not

Attempting to catch,

People in their blind spot

Instead of pretending,

Just be you

Your lies,

Are being seen through

You are not only deceiving others,

But yourself as well

Losing yourself,

Falling under your own spell

 

My Thoughts Personified

My Thoughts Personified

Sitting at the computer feeling the vibe

Surging through my mind and spills out in strides

My feelings, thoughts and whatever is on my mind

Not sure of how it will turn out I grind

The keyboard, my mind overflowing

Not knowing

Exactly what will appear

My words form clear

All these unspoken words inside

I cannot deny

I feel a desperate need to release

My emotions increase

Flooding the page

In a constant rage

Cannot control myself until these words are spoken

It is for me, my token

It feels so good to get this out of my system

And put it into rhythm

A part of me is shared

Doesn’t matter to me if anyone cared

It is my relief

It is only my belief

That I speak, only my needs that I need to meet

My personal retreat

Much to elate

Emotions intoxicate

My mental escape

 

RIP Angie and Aaron

Today my best friend Angie and her son Aaron passed 14 years ago. Although you two are gone, you are NEVER forgotten! I played my Purple Rain CD all the way to work today, remembering our childhood...I truly miss you!

Angela Lee Sternack
5/15/76-11/12/96

Aaron Duke La Belle Jr
...11/12/96-11/12/96

The Beauty of the Sky

The Beauty of the Sky

Sitting there watching the sky

Watching the clouds pass me by

The sky is a deep blue

You can get lost in the clouds for a few

Day dreaming that you are floating on the clouds

Just you, with no one else around

Watching the clouds take a defined form

Observing the sky getting dark for a storm

Fierce lighting blazing

Lying there gazing

In amazement of the sky’s different faces

Dreaming about different places

Watching the sky turn orange and red

As the sun sets while lying there in my bed

In the early morning

Noticing the clouds forming

The purple and blue sky is grabbing my attention

It is too beautiful not to mention

It is breath taking

There is no mistaking

The many different feelings

You can observe the earth’s dealings

Just as our moods can change

The sky is a face that reflects the earth’s strains

Tornados and hurricanes

You respect its reins

Raindrops falling

Cleansing the earth for its calling

Beautiful white snow

In the evening hours you can see its glow

Appreciating the sky’s beauty

As it goes on accomplishing its duty

Lighting striking while it illuminates

The clouds depth and rejuvenates

Lying there observing

The beauty of the sky that is well deserving

 

My Deep Ocean of Thought

My Deep Ocean of Thought

Always in deep thought

Mental stimulation

Everything coming to a halt

Intoxicating penetration

Into the unknown

Thoughts erratic

Feelings shown

Almost like an addict

Actions amplified

For reasons untold

Body numb and mummified

Under mind’s control

Spirit boasting

Strengthening my mind

Heart afloat

Thoughts and desires intertwine

Mind always in a race

Hidden and secure

My secret place

Answers within I ensure

My escape

Into my own little world

Invading this is called mental rape

This is my space twirled

Around the real me

My thoughts run deep as an ocean

My own personal retreat, mental relief

Desires put into motion

All in my head

Lying there untouched

Pure, never tainted or misread

Securely clutched

Always true to self

First and foremost

For my personal health

My personal toast

No one could ever truly understand

The vibes that flow within

Emotions dealt with, and stronger I stand

My thoughts will never end

And are always constant

Until you have walked in my shoes

You could never relate

But listen closely to all my clues

While I attempt to intoxicate

A distraction to deter

And make sure my thoughts and feelings

Are always secure, and un-telling of what may occur

My private dealings

Are my own

Never for others to be let completely in

They are meant to be left to the unknown

Only to reside deep within

 

Silence

Silence

Close your eyes and feel with your senses

Shut off all of your defenses

Don’t think with your mind

Witness this as we intertwine

Focus on the energy that is being produced

Absorb it as it is introduced

Into your soul

Conceive me within you as I console

Experience the vibes that we create

These feelings we elate

Put your arms around me and squeeze tight

I invite you to be a part of this plight

Immerse yourself into my atmosphere

Relax as our souls adhere

And become as one

Enjoy what has begun

This can never be undone

We are connected in every way

Notice my persona is displayed

Nothing to hide

These feelings we cannot deny

I embrace the kiss on my lips

This is our personal eclipse

I clutch your gentle touch

I love you so much

As chills ride my spine

This love we define

But not into words

These feelings can only be felt and not heard

Dip into my intellectual

Make it ever so sensual

And sprinkle me with your trust

This is far beyond lust

This is love that is so true

This love to the fullest we pursue

It is unexplainable science

Feel as I demonstrate my love in silence

 

My Time

My Time

Alone with my thoughts

Inner battles to be fought

True joy found

Self discoveries profound

Learning to love me

In my own visions I am free

Enjoying this moment of mine

Growing from each second of my time

 

Breathe You

Breathe You

I just want to breathe your air,

Where ever you are I want to be there

Feeling your touch beneath my skin,

Taking us to heights we have never been

Exploring perfection of our very own,

Reaching in and out of our comfort zone

Tantalizing newly discovered pleasures,

With no limitations of measure

Absorbing your essence within my being,

Giving loves definition true meaning

Together our love we pursue,

Within I breathe you

 

Autumn

Autumn

Colorful leaves,

Coating green grass

Looking through,

Frost covered glass

Brisk autumn chill,

Breezing across finger tips

Half moon glowing,

Into an almost eclipse

Stars illuminating,

Dark crisp skies

Bitter cool air,

Awaiting sunrise

 

Memories

Memories

Memories consume my dreams,

Of times shared

Touching my soul,

Places no one has dared

Those feelings embraced,

Within my veins

Flowing blood through my heart,

Of love remains

 

Crave

Crave

I just don't know what it is about that man

He just does something to me

That no other can

Willingly locked in his love like a detainee

That place in my heart his name is etched

Unchartered territory of any other

Only his image my eyes have sketched

He gives me chills and makes my heart flutter

Hanging on and never letting go

Love overflowing like a tidal wave

Day by day the intensity grows

It's only him that my heart and body craves

Chaos

Chaos

Dreams interrupted

Rudely awakened

In the wee hours of the morning

Rounds of gun shots firing

Screams of terror and fear

Constant news horror stories

And witnessing what's not reported

Becoming routine occurrences

Tired of the shootings

Daily robberies

Carjacking realities

Domestic violence

Child abuse and sexual assaults

Hourly murders

When does it end

Never I guess

When do you get numb

To the acts of violence

I simply can't

Violence is a part of my life

That I can never accept

Chaos of different kinds

Shows in every aspect of life

All we can do

Is live life to the fullest

Live like it's our last day

And avoid being center

In a life of chaos

 

Cleansing

FYI-The above pic is NOT me...Its just a random image that I got from a google search

Cleansing

Rain drops saturating

Immersing my pores

Tears escaping my eyes

Renewing my soul

Releasing emotions

Soaked leaves and debris

Squashed under my feet

Embracing the cleansing

 

Breathless

Breathless

Every time you walk into a room, I feel you

I feel the strength of our hearts pursuit

When I close my eyes, you are on my mind

Feelings take over, chills run up and down my spine

Yearning to feel you deep inside

Wanting to feel our passions collide

Craving to feel your kisses caressing me

From head to toe, setting me free

The depths of these feelings my hearts confessed

Thoughts of you leave me completely breathless....

 

Isolated

Isolated

Isolated in my own mind

My own world I drift

Falling into my own darkness

Facing my own demons

Totally alone

Isolated

Just going through the motions of life

In my own fogged daze

Life feeling repetitive

Feeling as I am facing the world on my own

Loneliness and depression takes over

Isolated

Body becoming numb

Wishing time away

Depression controlling thoughts

Nightmares feeling like reality

In my own mind

Isolated